Really hard week, feeling hopeless

So... yeah this week sucked. Been super busy and tired, having to get up early for work etc. All came to a head today when I had an appointment to try contact lenses. Ofc I couldn't get the stupid thing in my eye...(I don't hate my glasses or anything but I want to have options, u know?)... anyway I got so frustrated with myself and ended up in a sobbing mess, like a big stupid failure.
Even though the optician was really kind and patient... that was hours ago now but I still feel drained and just totally miserable, like I'm all full up with sad.
Plus I'm frustrated with myself for feeling this way. Could it partly be withdrawal from medication? Or am I just feeling shitty bcos I had a stressful week? The second almost feels worse, how can I be an adult but end up all weepy and tired like a goddam toddler, just because I had a busy day...even other ppl I follow who have MH issues also have careers and relationships and lives. And I'm just stuck in a job that drains me, too tired after to apply for new ones, can't make new friends or have a partner, can't even put in a contact lens. I feel so useless and pathetic and hopeless and I don't know what to do 😢

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Comments

Laura_tigger82

As you say @PenguinSky, it sounds like this is cumulative - it all added up to making you sad and not the opticians alone. You deserve to have options for your eye care - and all other care/support.

Are you able to go back another day and try again when you are feeling less sad / more manageable? Whilst we would not wish to advise whether or not this could be due to withdrawal from medication, it might be worth discussing this with your GP if you think it could be related to medication.

A stressful week could also add to this though. Would you like to share more with us about how your week has been stressful? We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us.

Everyone is different and your feelings are valid. Though, I can hear the self-comparison you are currently doing. When you say your job drains you and you can't make friends, would you feel comfortable sharing more with us about what this looks like for you?

ella

Hey @PenguinSky, it sounds like this week has been incredibly tough. Thank you for sharing this with the community!

Between being super busy and tired- it's no wonder you found your appointment at the opticians made this all come to a head... As a glasses wearer myself, I can completely empathise with the frustration of contact lenses so well done for going in the first place AND you do deserve choices when it comes to eyewear! Do you feel comfortable going back another day when you are feeling less drained from your week? It might even be a good idea to take someone you trust with you for a little more support. I found taking a friend to my contact lenses appointment to be really helpful as it made the appointment feel less intimidating.

Crying is healthy reaction all the built-up stress you're describing from your week, you mentioned feeling frustrated with yourself for feeling this way - there's absolutely no shame in feeling down or overwhelmed. It's completely understandable to feel a little off balance when your body's adjusting to medication changes so it might be worth following this up with the GP if you do think that is the case? There might be other support the GP could be put in place to help you manage these changes.

Are you able to tell us a little more about what makes your job draining? Sometimes talking about specific things can help us understand them better. Also, is there anything specific that makes it hard for you to make new friends?

I can hear the self-comparison you are currently experiencing, sometimes when people compare and then feel sad, it's often stemming from a belief that you're not good enough, and please remember you're always good enough regardless of what you are going through.

What are some small things you could do today that might make you feel a little better? Here is a link to a lovely article about self care which might inspire you to be extra gentle with yourself this weekend!

Please do let us know how you are doing- sending hugs!

Former Member

Hey @ella and @Laura_tigger82 , first off just wanted to say thank you properly for the messages ❤️
Re your questions: my job mostly involves a lot of writing but the work is v repetitive and gets boring; feedback is meant well but can be harsh and patronising; oh and a lot of my shifts start at 6:30 am, and I'm not a morning person! (Or a going-to-bed-early person, I try but never seem to get as much sleep as i want.)

As for the friendships bit... I'm pretty shy and I think struggle a lot with social anxiety, and that all gets wrapped up with so much insecurity about my body and appearance. I've met people I got on well with at a couple of events but haven't really managed to stay in touch. Plus I find social stuff pretty draining, and couple that with how tired I get from work and it can just be really hard 😟

Sorry for the rambling... slept badly last night and had another lens tryout after work - finally got them in (yay!) but I was so f***ing tired. Like really sad but too tired to cry, anyone else know what I mean?

Former Member

Day 2 of bad sleep I guess... working from home today so could wake up at 5:30 instead of 4:30, but I still feel like shit. Feel a little more awake right now but earlier I felt like I was stuck in this like sadness fog, like I was drowning in it, and kept randomly starting crying. I don't know how I'm supposed to get through today and def not how I'm meant to get through tomorrow in the office again. And I'm fucking scared, is this the meds or just burnout? I want to talk to my Dr but what if its my fault for letting the meds run out... was I supposed to call them sooner and get more? I don't know. And I feel like I have to get out of here, like I'm suffocating, but how do I find somewhere else when I'm half asleep and full of sad all the time

Former Member

So... I messed up at work and had a rlly bad panic attack. Still feeling bleurgh. This is honestly turning into the worst week of my life and I don't know what to do, idk how to to stop it

lunarcat522

Sorry to hear you're struggling @PenguinSky it sounds really difficult having to try and run on little sleep. Is your workplace understanding? Could you maybe let them know you're struggling if it would help? I would maybe speak to your doctor about how to best manage keeping on top of your medication but I promise you it's not your fault

I also think it would maybe be beneficial to bring up with your doctor that you're struggling with sleep and feeling sad to see whether your current medications are a good fit or not.

It sounds like you've had a tough day, are you feeling any better now?

We're here for you whenever you need

Former Member

Hey @lunarcat522 - am luckily feeling much better today so far ❤️‍🩹 only issue is there's like a lining of worry that it could happen again, u know?
To clarify re the meds: I decided a month or two ago to try stopping them (well, it - I was on sertraline for a couple years). Discussed it with GP and everything, and on his rec I had a lower dose for about 1 month. That prescription ran out earlier this week. (Although i started feeling more depressed late last week.) I guess I'm worried I misheard or misunderstood something, eg should I have called before I ran out to discuss, and maybe get a prescription for another few weeks? Or was that 1-month prescription always supposed to be the last?
I managed to get an appointment today so someone at my gp practice (hopefully the same guy but I'm not sure) will call me later. But I'm just so nervous that they'll tell me I've done something wrong. Or start asking me about my period or weight or other bias-related stuff.

(Oh and re my workplace: I don't think they're bad ppl or anything, they try to be fair I'm sure. But I don't know if I feel comfortable enough with then to open up about something like this.)

Former Member

Hey @PenguinSky
It’s hard when everything seems to pile up at the end of the week and sometimes it’s impossible to hold it in. It’s okay to let that out and allow yourself the space to cry if you need to. This doesn’t make you childish or pathetic. It sounds like things have been overwhelming at the moment with taking medication, work being draining and feeling like you can’t make new friends, and the contact lens being a struggle wasn’t something you needed right now when everything’s already hard. Well done for getting the contacts to work in the end-I know myself the first time I had to put mine in was not a walk in the park and my eyes didn’t co-operate! I can see how you were feeling quite anxious about your medication and were due to have an appointment with someone from your GP practice last week to talk about it. How did that go? We're here if you'd like to share more. Anyway, I hope next week is a little easier for you

Former Member

Hey @Sophien , oops I forgot to update... mostly things have been much better lately, ty for asking

The dr I spoke to was so nice and understanding, none of my fears came true there

she sorted out the prescription thing, I have a supply of the lower dose and instructions to check in a few weeks. She didn't blame me for the miscommunication at all.
Hoenstly the main issue rn is that I don't like my job (!) and want to find a new one, but a lot of the time i feel too tired to write applications, and I've got no idea how I'd find the energy or time to go to a job interview...
But anyway, apart from that I'm doing much better these days. Thanks again for checking in