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Rivers poems (TW for some)

Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,532 Boards Guru
a place for my poems so they arnt all scattered around.

why dont you love me?
Why don't you love me?
What happened?
What did I do?
Please just tell me, I can change
I'll be who you want me to be just tell me
Why are you ashamed of my self harm
Why you ashamed of me
Did you ever love me
You were able to choose me
It's not like you had to birth me
If you didn't want me then why pick me
Why won't you be my mum anymore

I know I'm hard to deal with
I know I screwed your life up
But please I want to be loved
Why don't you have time for me
I just want to know
I can get out your life
I'll run away if you don't want me.
I'm sorry I have trauma
I'm sorry I have flashbacks
I'm sorry I get nightmares
I'm sorry, I really am
Please just love me

Tell me what I did
Tell me why you hate me
Tell me why your ashamed of me
Tell me!!!
Please tell me
I'm sorry I'm not who you want me to be
I'm sorry I'm not the perfect child
I'm sorry
Want to hurt me… go ahead
Wish to bully me…I’m used to it
Want to talk crap about me…go on then
Want to make me cry…feel free

Comments

  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,532 Boards Guru
    edited February 29
    need a name for this one
    The thunderstorms awaken as I'm feeling shaken
    Terror and rage rolling through my blood
    Endless thoughts and withering tears
    I'm shaking with each bit of fear near
    Scared of the monster within
    It's just taking me for a spin
    Self destruct and violence turning into silence
    Burning eyes of fire as I try to stop this *removed potential trigger*
    The fire roaming free it's the tears hidden inside me

    midnight
    The endless terror and midnight wither
    Sparking off those who fear
    Fearing those who shall not flinch
    The howling of the ice winds near
    Haunting those who fear thou worst
    Marching past those who never feared
    The friendships with the dark and the joy of the howls it brings
    Darkness smiling beyond there body known
    Terrorised walks tho uneffected
    Not a flinch or tremble or stutter insight
    Those who wish up on the dark
    live within the things that lark

    im good....
    I'm good....
    Ha wouldn't that be great if it was true
    But tho for now will have to do
    Can't say that I'm drowning inside
    Nor the words "I'm struggling"
    I get more hurt than i already am
    The key word to my life
    The word that connects it all
    The reason that makes me wonder why I try
    I can't struggle and it be known
    Suffer in silence and be happy to all.
    I'm good...
    Of course I'm good
    I'm expected to be
    I struggle and I loose a friend
    Say I'm not okay and people walk
    People take advantage of me not being okay
    Sensitive pathetic I am
    I'm good and I'm fine...

    High school bully
    I see your face when I look at the moon
    The place that is ment to not be so gloom
    It heightens my fear that you'll just pop out
    Would you hurt me again or would you leave me out
    Your just like everyone else filled with hate

    Your true colours always hid behind a wall
    A wall of surprises and shock
    Never good only bad
    You waited for the right time
    Then lept at the opportunity at causing me pain
    Why did you do it I always exclaim
    What was your motif to attacking

    You punched me and swore at me in the PE room
    I sat there frozen didnt know what to do
    Your friend watched for 3 minutes and then dragged you away
    Screaming for people's attention as she tried to get u to go

    You put me in hospital for all that you did
    A broken foot and a black eye
    A banging headache and unable to talk
    Couldn't swallow
    To scared to say anything I sat there staring
    Tears running down my face as doctors try to assess me

    Unable to stand up
    Unable to sleep
    Unable to go out
    Unable to leave for school
    Anxiety racing
    Anxiety having a blast
    Filled with trembles and fear
    2 weeks later
    Couldn't go back to school
    I cried for days in pain and fear
    Scared you'd do it again
    3 days suspension and a year leader saying I must of provoked it....

    I only looked at her and talked to her friend
    Never been the same since
    Became angry and violent
    It's a heightened response
    Im not a bad person
    Just someone scared and in fear.
    Want to hurt me… go ahead
    Wish to bully me…I’m used to it
    Want to talk crap about me…go on then
    Want to make me cry…feel free
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,532 Boards Guru
    The real me
    Nobody knows the real me, no one can know the real me
    The real me shouldn't exist
    The angry and messy me no one can know
    The broken and stupid me that is begging to be free
    I cant let that side of me out
    Not now, not ever, that me needs to be lost forever

    Aftermath
    Im the person who says it's okay even when it's not
    I say im fine even when I'm lost
    I lie about my feelings so it doesn't cause a knot
    Behind close doors is where the truth rots
    I break down in tears after being strong
    It floods back when I'm alone
    When I don't need to be strong or pretend
    I sit in silence and cry the feelings I could never tell
    Hours of being strong and alive
    Im now sitting all dead inside
    I feel my heart pour as I loose control
    The words I cant say
    The words I cant let loose to the ones I love
    Want to hurt me… go ahead
    Wish to bully me…I’m used to it
    Want to talk crap about me…go on then
    Want to make me cry…feel free
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,532 Boards Guru
    The roses tug at her heart...
    The roses dig deep carving at her heart
    The pain of the stabbing turning to nausea
    With every twist and wrip she tries to keep it in
    It's pulling at her heart as she tries to grip hold.

    She is grasping for air as its being pulled free
    She can't do this its tearing her apart
    Shes heartbroken now and unable to move
    It's locked around her heart pricking her at every breathe

    She drops to the ground unable to take the pain
    Shes done and mentally gone
    It's already taken her heart and ready to take her life
    She wants it to be done now so she can be free
    She wants it all to go away now its stabbed her.
    Want to hurt me… go ahead
    Wish to bully me…I’m used to it
    Want to talk crap about me…go on then
    Want to make me cry…feel free
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,532 Boards Guru
    The end of the ice cavens....
    The ice cavens glisten in the moon light
    she smiles with slight sign of happiness
    Until the cavens start to crumble around her
    Stealing her slight happiness with it

    Tall bricks take place of the ice cavens
    Smashing them to crystals
    The silohuettes from the moon stolen infront of her eyes
    She stands dazed at what just happened
    Her mind not so clear now building up again
    Her thoughts are the bricks she shouts in fear

    Hearing it echo she drops to the ground
    There's no escape to freedom
    It's the dark spiral back once again
    She sobs her heart out against the brick pillars
    She doesn't know what to do now
    Her energy drained from her in an instance
    The mystic gritty air getting to her throat

    She starts to cough fighting for clear air
    Her breathes have been eliminated
    The force of her thoughts trying to swallow her whole
    Screeching noises coming from her mouth trying to catch at least one breath

    The cold hard ground starts to crack
    She starts to scramble to keep above
    They follow her around like there attached
    There her SH thoughts showing up
    Trying to suck her in to the habit
    They get bigger and bigger by the second
    Shes losing control of it all
    She let's go giving up as she goes flying into the hole....
    Want to hurt me… go ahead
    Wish to bully me…I’m used to it
    Want to talk crap about me…go on then
    Want to make me cry…feel free
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,532 Boards Guru
    Anonymous
    Oh pfft
    Loved what you said
    That you'd always be there
    What a lie that was
    U never cared
    Then you left

    Started being nasty
    Got annoyed when I said sorry
    Thank you
    For showing that I cant trust
    That no one really cares

    Least u did one thing right
    Always told the truth about me
    Called me names
    Blamed me for my past

    Yes I still remmember
    I remmember like it was yesterday
    Pretend that it was nothing
    But it hurt

    Implied that I should be used to it
    I never agreed
    Although I new it was true
    It was deja vu....
    Want to hurt me… go ahead
    Wish to bully me…I’m used to it
    Want to talk crap about me…go on then
    Want to make me cry…feel free
  • lunarcat522lunarcat522 Moderator Posts: 608 Incredible Poster
    These are amazing @River you have a real talent for writing!
  • ebyrne556ebyrne556 Moderator Posts: 1,181 Wise Owl
    Agree they r so good @River
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  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,532 Boards Guru
    Scars...

    Scars the "silly" thing people do....
    The way we ruin our bodies with them...
    Yet it's still not enough...
    People ask why in the tone so painful...
    Why? Why did you do it?...
    Or the what did you do that for?...
    We hang our heads in shame...
    And hide the words in a river of silence...
    We don't say when we've done it or why we did it..
    Especially to people in our own worlds...
    We don't stop we just get worse...
    Knowing people don't understand makes us want to hurt more...
    Covering our bodies with another set of scars
    The memories
    The emotions
    All being let free...

    Why do you self harm people ask?...
    How do we tell people why...
    Punishments and Emotions...
    But not all correct...
    Though for me the scars...
    Are a symbol of me being not worthless...
    The scars fade...got to do it...
    Again...
    Again...
    All so I don't feel worthless...

    Still to most not a valid reason...
    "Silly" things that you do...
    The thing our parents think most...
    "Don't ruin your beautiful bodies"...
    That's what they all say...
    They don't understand...
    They never will so we hang our heads in shame...
    Continue to make more scars...
    It never ends...
    Want to hurt me… go ahead
    Wish to bully me…I’m used to it
    Want to talk crap about me…go on then
    Want to make me cry…feel free
  • amy02amy02 Moderator Posts: 362 Listening Ear
    Thank you for sharing these with us @River ! <3
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,532 Boards Guru
    They crash my heart into the never ending ebiss...
    My cries echo everytime someone leaves...
    Everytime people prove that im better alone...
    The never ending pain and thunder in my head...
    Fireworks playing through my ears...
    yet earth so peaceful...
    What I do to deserve this...
    I want my life to be done...
    My heart sinks as I talk to people...
    The panic setting in as I fear they won't care...
    I hide and shut myself away
    Mute and trapped unable to do anything...
    Cant speak,can't cry...
    Im sinking in the ground...
    Want to hurt me… go ahead
    Wish to bully me…I’m used to it
    Want to talk crap about me…go on then
    Want to make me cry…feel free
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,532 Boards Guru
    10/04/24 💔


    I don't want to talk
    I don't want to be seen
    So please just leave me be
    Hollow and empty
    I just want to sleep
    Shut the whole world out
    So I'd be left in peace
    It's too overwhelming
    Just leave me alone

    I'm not ready to be seen
    Just let me hide and be un noticed
    The feelings cutting deeper
    The end of social media
    The putting away of my phone
    I don't want to talk
    I don't want to be seen
    So please let me be

    I want to shut the world out
    Go unseen and be at peace
    I'm too tired to talk
    Don't want a conversation
    I'm tired
    I want to go unseen
    So why cant everyone leave me be
    Ready to be hidden so deep
    To just be at peace and go unseen

    Not forever
    Only for a bit
    Just let me be unseen
    Whilst I'm in a pit
    The pain of others to hard to carry
    I don't want to talk
    I don't want to be seen
    I don't want to do anything
    So please leave me at peace
    Want to hurt me… go ahead
    Wish to bully me…I’m used to it
    Want to talk crap about me…go on then
    Want to make me cry…feel free
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 31 Boards Initiate
    Wow.
    This hit deep.
    Feeling like a burden.
    I feel sorry .
    I relate .
    Like what have we done to deserve to feel so unloved and unwanted?!
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