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Still struggling
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,587 Boards Guru
Sorry to keep posting but I am just feeling a bit hopeless atm and I didn't mention it much here or just in general like I didnt tell many other people because I wanted to keep it private a bit but I was planning to start a forklift driving training course. I was going to continue to it private but I just have been feeling so hopeless this week then like today. I found the course in December, so as I am not working atm I got it funded and booked it in then for January. I started a few days ago and I'm not doing good enough with it. I'm still making stupid mistakes and need telling what to do more than the other people. Also I just don't feel like it's the right career for me, there's a lot of responsibilities that the driver has for safety, it can be really dangerous and feels a bit repetitive etc. I think it's way too many responsibilities for me. I just thought it was going to go better, I thought I could do the training, do well with it and pass the exams and get work in it. I thought id enjoy it a bit more too. I think I'm not doing too bad, maybe I am improving a bit but I still need a lot of telling what I need to do, other people need less then just the responsibilities and everything I don't know if it's for me.
I have just been feeling so hopeless thinking a lot what job is for me. I thought with this course starting Ill do ok, that I could get into work and everything but it's not gone as planned. Things like colleges, certain schools haven't gone well in the past and still now things aren't going well. It's not even a job, it's a training company and I'm struggling already. The instructor was getting fustrated with me so they are going to be even worse in work. I have been feeling up and down with it all. I felt like a failure anyway and hopeless then was getting more confidence but I messed up my opportunity again. Since I had it planned December I was feeling like Im finally progressing to do something towards work, get money and looking forward to the course a bit too but now im just back to square one. I have been worrying about my future for so long long like years tbh like in school then and it's been ongoing. It's mostly just been around jobs, making enough money then like leaving school then certain colleges not working out for me then like not having my career worked out now. I had other plans I was meant to do too which I didn't talk about it's feels like 1 thing after another. I have thinking a lot like is there something wrong with me like I cant do anything right, I have no job, nothing is working out for me then other stuff. I just don’t know if anything will improve for me. I know people have it a lot worse but I just haven't been feeling the best the past few days especially today.
I have just been feeling so hopeless thinking a lot what job is for me. I thought with this course starting Ill do ok, that I could get into work and everything but it's not gone as planned. Things like colleges, certain schools haven't gone well in the past and still now things aren't going well. It's not even a job, it's a training company and I'm struggling already. The instructor was getting fustrated with me so they are going to be even worse in work. I have been feeling up and down with it all. I felt like a failure anyway and hopeless then was getting more confidence but I messed up my opportunity again. Since I had it planned December I was feeling like Im finally progressing to do something towards work, get money and looking forward to the course a bit too but now im just back to square one. I have been worrying about my future for so long long like years tbh like in school then and it's been ongoing. It's mostly just been around jobs, making enough money then like leaving school then certain colleges not working out for me then like not having my career worked out now. I had other plans I was meant to do too which I didn't talk about it's feels like 1 thing after another. I have thinking a lot like is there something wrong with me like I cant do anything right, I have no job, nothing is working out for me then other stuff. I just don’t know if anything will improve for me. I know people have it a lot worse but I just haven't been feeling the best the past few days especially today.
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Comments
First of all, I want to say well done for finding and booking onto the forklift driving course! It's understandable that seeing as previous courses haven't worked out for you, that you would keep this one private. I also understand that you feel you aren't doing good enough but I think it's really early days...you only started a few days ago. It's okay to make mistakes because it's new and you are still learning. It's also okay if you feel you need to be told what to do more than other people. It doesn't make you stupid, it just means you learn differently, that's all (this is especially true if you have or think you might have any disabilities....it doesn't mean you can't do things but that training and work might need to be adapted to suit you).
I also think it's understandable you'd be worried about the responsibilities side of things too. Accidents can happen so it's important to focus on what you are doing. But I also think that training courses spend a lot of time talking about the responsibilities, so that if you are like me, it's easy to start worrying about it. But you never know, if you stick with it, you might realise that while it is a responsibility, it doesn't mean that you can't handle the responsibility. And you might also find that it feels easier, the more you learn and practice too.
It can be difficult to think positively about the future when you've had negative experiences of school and college in the past. It doesn't help that you feel the instructor was getting frustrated with you. It sounds like the instructor needs more patience and to realise that not everyone is going to learn at the same pace. But even though things have been difficult for you, it doesn't mean that it will always be this way. You might be able to ask for accommodations at work e.g. if you need training for a specific job, that you can spend more time learning and training, having a mentor, being supervised to help you learn and feel more confident in work.
Even though things aren't going as planned for you, I don't think you are back to square one. You've done well to get onto the course and even if it's slow progress you also think you are improving too. It might be that you need to give it more time, or perhaps you need a different instructor, or maybe it really isn't for you. But at least you've taken the opportunity and have realised what things you find interesting and what you might struggle with. This can then help you to figure out what to do next, if you decide that driving a forklift truck isn't for you.
Seeing as this has been bothering you for some time now, I'm wondering whether you have spoken to anyone about it? Maybe a doctor or counsellor could point you in the right direction of support you can get.
Hope this helps a bit
@Maisy hi, I made this thread yesterday and unfortunately today they sent me home as they don't think it's for so I'm feeling worse than when I originally made the thread. I was meant to have tests for practical and theory tomorrow but they said that I am nowhere near test level so I am feeling a bit rock bottom right now. I appreciate all the advice of you positive saying its early days and I could get the half it and all the but unfortunately it's gone from bad to worse already. I think it was good I tried this like obviously I prefer this outcome than carrying on a bit longer or even getting into this job then doing something dangerous causing a serious injury or worse.
I have not had counselling really, I had mentors in college a few times but years ago now. Its just hard to get the courage to do it then all that when it might not even help either, that's why I haven't done it and why am still hesitent too. I feel like I am just making excuses a bit with everything but I'm just trying explain barriers around stuff etc.