Normative male alexithymia

JustV

Bit of a weird one but I came across this term in a YouTube video, and wanted to see if y'all relate.

Alexithymia is sometimes described as colour blindness to emotion. In other words, not being able to identify what you feel, at least not in a specific way. Everyone can experience this - it's not just a male thing. I believe it's also associated quite strongly with autism.

But psychologists coined a new term normative male alexithymia to describe the prevalence of this in men. 'Normative' meaning it's culturally normal for men not to be in touch with their emotions, so they often don't have the capacity to identify their feelings beyond anger or "I'm fine".

The guy in the video also talked about how men tend to use more physical language to express themselves. So they might say they're 'under pressure' or have a lump in their throat.

I felt a real connection to this when I was hearing about it, and was wondering if the guys here relate? Or even if you're not a guy - interested in whether this resonates with you.

JustV

Sidenote: the feelings wheel can be a great way to get more specific with your emotions if this is something you find difficult

https://feelingswheel.com/

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Amy22

I read this thread and came back and realised actually eventhough I don't specifically identify as male specifically, I can definitely relate to this so so much. Honestly, I find it super hard sometimes when people come up to me and ask "hey are you okay?" as I feel like I don't know what to reply with sometimes. I tend to mask my emotions a lot and I come across as either rude or just sad when I am not sad but maybe my facial expression is just sad looking idk. But speaking about my emotions and feelings is something I am still learning to do. I have been starting to explain my emotions to my parents lately which has been helpful quite a lot, as sometimes you do have to eventually talk to someone about your feelings. This is something I am still learning to do though as there are still days when I don't what I feel or how I am feeling. Like I am sad but I shoulden't be sad because I went for a nice walk, went for a hot chocolate with my mum in that ice cream place in my area, did a bit of browsing and shopping. But my body just idk how to explain it really.

In other terms I can understand how from a male perspective it must be like especially as there is the stigma that men have to be 'strong' or 'hide their true feelings' to be a man. But personally I don't think this is a very healthy way of coping with emotions personally. This is because I think men should be able to express their own emotions and feelings validly without judgement or bias from other beneficial factors or people in general. Nowadays I think we shoulden't be afraid of talking about emotions eventhough I get it as its hard to talk about emotions to people. However, I'd love to live in a world which is judge free of emotions and feelings, where toxic masculinity, feminity don't exist. Because then I think people would feel more comfortable to talk more than having to be scared that they will be outed for feeling not 'strong' enough. I found this actually very insightful @JustV as alyxthmia is not often talked about as much eventhough it should especially amongst the neurodiverse community as well as the male perspective of it too. Thanks so much for sharing this .

SpaceOtter

Hi This was really interesting,

Eventhough im female its something I think about alot.

I look at my dad who's pretty closed off. He either responds with frustration and anger or he laughs it off eventhough you can see the pain hes in.

I don't really think theres much i can do to help my dad. He closes down when we talk about these kinds of things.

But most of all i worry about my brother. Without giving too much information away, hes younger than tik tok but yet you can already see that im fine attitude. He'll show his emotions sometimes to me and my parents but sometimes he hides away. And i worry about him.

My parents have been struggling with a lot of things and ive not been great. And i worry we're not breaking that mentality of "im fine", i worry we're just feeding into it.
Im letting him down.

I don't really know how id bring it up to my parents theyd either laugh at me or get really offended.

I don't want him to grow up feeling like he has to hide things. I felt like that, eventhough it wasn't taboo for me and plenty of people encouraged me to open up i still completely shut down, especially around my parents. Ive never felt comfortable admitting my feelings especially sadness or anxiety around them. Im getting better at it.

But I worry about my little brother.

Learning about this term and listening to other people's stories was very interesting.

Thank you so much for sharing @JustV and big big hugs @faolan and @Amy22 your posts were very interesting to read .

Big hugs

Maisy

I've come across alexithymia before....it's often associated with neurodivergence such as autism, ADHD as well as trauma related mental health disorders.

But I didn't know that psychologists have coined another version specifically for men. That's interesting and now that I think about it, makes a lot of sense too.

I often feel for men. I feel like there are many men out there who are quietly struggling with all sorts of things that I don't think I'll ever fully understand. And it must be really isolating to struggle and not open up. Starting from childhood, boys might be told to stop crying and throughout life it's about 'man up' and not let things bother you. When all that really means is to not show your emotions...they'll still be there inside you though. No wonder some men are really disconnected from their emotions, or perhaps they feel lonely from not being able to share, or bitter or angry because they are expected to be 'strong' and that's a heavy burden to carry. It would be really nice to see showing emotions, talking about things, asking for support etc., more normalised, for everyone, but particularly for men.