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Suicidal feelings, work and feeling separate from others
Creativeboy23
Posts: 192 Trailblazer
Hello all.
Last week, I was upset that an assigned employment advisor did not support me with asking for workplace adjustments promptly. So, the situation passed.
I have struggled with feeling separate from others. An employee came across as patronising when showing me how to use a particular piece of equipment. I was left out of my supervisor and workmate‘s conversation. I felt that a supervisor was one emotion with me. A female customer commented to my employee about me assigning him tasks, which felt like a judgment of me. Asking a workmate questions made me think I inconvenienced him. I felt like an introverted person who got no attention from girls when a female employee spoke to me. My manager told me not to panic about something. It chimed with past experiences of this situation. People’s past opinions of me have not made me feel confident about being in a relationship. In the past, my last university mentor would have critical conversations with me which have left me feeling I did not belong at the university. My tutor told me not to think a situation has anything personal to do with me. My initial university mentor made a comment, which felt like he criticised my character, told me what my self-worth was, gave me a comeback, and made me feel undeserving of love.
This morning, different experiences have been cropping up one after the other. I have felt like my mentor acted like he was perfect when giving his opinions on situations which upset me. I have developed a complex about washing my laundry because my brother and dad have made an issue out of it. So, today I have been worrying again about when to do it. I have been thinking about how you cannot be who you are. I was left feeling like I did not want to be here anymore. I was suicidal last week too. I keep having memories of when I have been told I am not alone which feels like it is wrong to feel how I am feeling.
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Comments
I can hear how you've experienced some difficult situations. It sounds like you weren't happy about the support you received over workplace adjustments. Would you be able to explore a little more about what happened? Would you be able to speak to someone else in HR about this, and what options are available to you? I'd hope they can provide some support or signposts for you.
It sounds like some of your recent experiences have reminded you of previous incidents that have happened. I can hear how that be difficult when you recall those experiences. I want you to know that you have worth, that you are deserving of love, and that you do matter. Sometimes people will say things that can come across as hurtful, but knowing that we have value helps us to feel less affected and upset by those comments.
It sounds like these experiences have been taking their toll on you. I want you to know that we want you here in our community, and that we're glad that you come on here to share your experiences and interact with others here! We're here to support you, rain or shine
If you do feel like you need more immediate support, please know that you're not alone and that there are services on hand who are ready to support you and listen to you:
*Crisis Messenger - Our crisis messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
* Papyrus - If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact HOPELINEUK for confidential support and practical advice. You can call them on 0800 068 4141 or text them on 07786209697.
* Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123.
Hello @Azziman.
No. I am not happy with my support. I contacted the employability service earlier to express this. The caller said that he would pass my number to a colleague, and she would contact me. So, hopefully, the service should sort out my support soon. I hope they can, too.
I am planning to email the HR manager about my workplace issues.
The experiences have taken a toll on me, but my therapist has given me a technique to help me move on from those painful memories whilst acknowledging them. That is true. I will try to tell myself those three things.
Thanks for your help.
You deserve all the support. Hopefully, they will be able to provide you with proper support soon. Do you know what, in an ideal world, your support would look like?
Hello @Laura_tigger82 .
The caller did pass on my number to a colleague but I was not contacted. However, my previous employment advisor arranged for me to have a meeting with the colleague. Like my current advisor, the colleague did not take my autism and the lack of follow-up regarding job adjustments seriously. The colleague said she would contact my manager about having fixed hours because I told her that I have been confused about my pay and various hours. It does not appear that she has. I have not been happy with the employability support service. They have not been supporting me properly. I am planning to complain.
In an ideal world, the support would like helping me resolve any workplace issues I have because an employee cannot sort it out on their own, especially one with a disability as we need additional support. I do not want to come across as focusing only on my deficits. We do have many strengths but that does not mean our struggles are not real.
You're right - sometimes it's easy to focus on our shortcomings, and perhaps that comes from a drive of wanting to improve and be better. But it's just as important to recognise our good qualities and achievements too