i dislike myself

PetiteQuark

seriously i genuinely dislike myself. Why am i so stupid can't even memorise a single maths equation, my mum paid £600 for me to resit maths and im just so stupid why is my brain like this.
I literally look at the alevel students and im gonma be really honest im a bit jealous of them like i really wanted to do physics but, everyone tells me to give up and that im not meant for it. Now ive basically given up. Idk anymore
But then im not sure what am i even gonna do for thr rest of my life.

Also i think i said this in a previous post but it really doesnt help having people who basically dont even know you, start to point out your flaws and act 'concerned' over them genuinely irritates me. Ive got so many things to worry about but my worries aren't exactly valid to anyone, except anyone on here or to my 2 friends.
Like why, why is it that people think its ok to chastise over my physical appearance.

Also why couldn't i be smart enough why. My parents were good in maths but im not and ig hurts because its a bit embarrassing to not be good in maths and i feel stupid why did i even *think* that i ever had the chance to get into alevel physics at all, i wish i gave up on science long ago, like it just hurts just carrying on and trying again and again for such a hopeless ambition.

Kind of sad that we're basically told at 16 to give up. Yet we are also told that at 16 our lives haven't even begun yet. Isn't that a bit contradictory?

lunarcat522

@PetiteQuark Sorry to hear your struggling with maths, I struggled with it a lot at school too and had to get a lot of tutoring for it. I know it's difficult to believe but I don't think you're stupid - as intelligence and memory are separate thing, but it is very difficult getting that feeling, and seeing everyone else seemingly doing well, however I can assure you, a lot of people put on a facade. There's been many times where I've seen people who are extremely confident, and after talking to them about a task, they are often as clueless as me! People just cope with things differently.

If you want to do physics I think you should go for it! Definitely don't give up if it's something you're passionate about. I'm not partial for maths myself but the positive thing is that once you've got it, you've got it and there's not much nuances.

It sounds like your putting a lot of pressure on yourself, especially if your parents did well in maths. I wouldn't give up on your ambition to pursue physics and science as your passion and determination is clearly there and seems to be coming through in your posts. However if it's stressing you out to the point it's a detriment to your mental health, then it's okay to take a break. I think people often forget it's okay not to do it all, and there's not time limit or a race to get things done and ticked off. It might feel like it, but try not to get pressured by school, your parents, societal expectations, and especially not yourself!

Everyone's on their own journey, you don't need to rush things. Everyone has different obstacles and starting points in life, making each of their journey's unique.

Try not to be too hard on yourself and try and take some time to relax over the weekend

PetiteQuark

I think im depressed🤩🤩

PetiteQuark wrote: »

seriously i genuinely dislike myself. Why am i so stupid can't even memorise a single maths equation, my mum paid £600 for me to resit maths and im just so stupid why is my brain like this.
I literally look at the alevel students and im gonma be really honest im a bit jealous of them like i really wanted to do physics but, everyone tells me to give up and that im not meant for it. Now ive basically given up. Idk anymore
But then im not sure what am i even gonna do for thr rest of my life.

Also i think i said this in a previous post but it really doesnt help having people who basically dont even know you, start to point out your flaws and act 'concerned' over them genuinely irritates me. Ive got so many things to worry about but my worries aren't exactly valid to anyone, except anyone on here or to my 2 friends.
Like why, why is it that people think its ok to chastise over my physical appearance.

Also why couldn't i be smart enough why. My parents were good in maths but im not and ig hurts because its a bit embarrassing to not be good in maths and i feel stupid why did i even *think* that i ever had the chance to get into alevel physics at all, i wish i gave up on science long ago, like it just hurts just carrying on and trying again and again for such a hopeless ambition.

Kind of sad that we're basically told at 16 to give up. Yet we are also told that at 16 our lives haven't even begun yet. Isn't that a bit contradictory?

I hate physics now 😐

catherines03

@PetiteQuark hi! Just coming to say a couple of things:
1) @lunarcat522 is totally right, especially when it comes to putting lots of pressure on yourself. I used to be such a perfectionist and although I still struggle with perfectionism, I'm a lot kinder to myself than I used to be. It's not easy by any means, but how you talk to yourself makes a huge difference. Instead of telling yourself that you're so bad at maths and won't get it, try reframing that to something like "just because I haven't understood this equation yet doesn't mean I never will. It just means I need to find a different way to explain it that makes it click for me." After a while, you start to believe the positive thoughts, which will help you to enjoy maths more and potentially boost your grade too!

2) if people are commenting on your physical appearance, ignore them. Seriously. If people have to stoop so low as to criticise something about how you look, that's a sign that they can't find anything about your personality to criticise. Remind yourself that they're insecure themselves and they are trying to make themselves feel better by criticising you. This is never ok but sometimes it can hurt less if you know that they're doing it because they dislike something about themselves, not you.

3) if you suspect you have depression, please reach out to someone you trust. Are there any teachers, friends or loved ones you can reach out to? Just telling the first person is a huge step. And there's always resources on The Mix. Your thoughts are feelings are ALWAYS valid. Don't give up, it'll get better!

hope this helps!

PetiteQuark

lunarcat522 wrote: »

@PetiteQuark Sorry to hear your struggling with maths, I struggled with it a lot at school too and had to get a lot of tutoring for it. I know it's difficult to believe but I don't think you're stupid - as intelligence and memory are separate thing, but it is very difficult getting that feeling, and seeing everyone else seemingly doing well, however I can assure you, a lot of people put on a facade. There's been many times where I've seen people who are extremely confident, and after talking to them about a task, they are often as clueless as me! People just cope with things differently.

If you want to do physics I think you should go for it! Definitely don't give up if it's something you're passionate about. I'm not partial for maths myself but the positive thing is that once you've got it, you've got it and there's not much nuances.

It sounds like your putting a lot of pressure on yourself, especially if your parents did well in maths. I wouldn't give up on your ambition to pursue physics and science as your passion and determination is clearly there and seems to be coming through in your posts. However if it's stressing you out to the point it's a detriment to your mental health, then it's okay to take a break. I think people often forget it's okay not to do it all, and there's not time limit or a race to get things done and ticked off. It might feel like it, but try not to get pressured by school, your parents, societal expectations, and especially not yourself!

Everyone's on their own journey, you don't need to rush things. Everyone has different obstacles and starting points in life, making each of their journey's unique.

Try not to be too hard on yourself and try and take some time to relax over the weekend

But, even if im determined, im not sure if my determination is a good thing. Wouldn't it be easier if I had gave up?
I mean, one thing i didn't mention was that i spoke to some physics students at the 6th form i went to back in august, and they told me that physics is only for the smartest people. Im not smart.
It makes me upset because one of my friend (knew them for a long time) is doing their bachelors in physics - and they're just so much better than ill ever be and its not just because theyre slightly older than me, but they just are incredibly intelligent, im not.
I had a physics blog since i was in year 7, but now i just feel so demotivated, i dont even like looking at my blog.

Maisy

Giving up may seem easier, especially in the moment. But is there a possibility you might regret not trying to study physics later on? At least if you tried to study physics, then if you realised it wasn't for you, then dropped out, you can take comfort in the fact that you tried as opposed to deciding not to study physics at all. Then again, determination can sometimes get in the way of our health, e.g. feeling determined to do something despite the fact that it's causing more stress than anything else. In this case, as Lunarcat says, it's okay to not study physics right now and take a break. It might be possible to study physics again some time in the future.

I hate to break it to you but it doesn't sound very smart of the 6th form students you spoke to, to say that physics is only for the smartest. Any subject is open to anyone, so long as they have interest in it. Maybe some teachers want you to have at least a pass in the gcse subject to continue it for a-level, but it doesn't mean that only the smartest can do it.

As difficult as it is, try not to compare yourself to your friend. While it's great that your friend is doing their bachelors in physics and seems really intelligent, it doesn't mean that you don't have your own strengths or interests either. Some people are really intelligent in many areas, while others are intelligent in a select few areas, but either way, what matters a lot is your interest in the subject. Someone who is intelligent but isn't interested may not do so well or enjoy the subject, as someone who is genuinely interested, regardless of intelligence.

It's okay to take a break from physics for a while. Sometimes when we are feeling low or when others have made comments about out interests, we may feel uninterested in them for a while. When you're feeling a bit better, you might notice your interest in physics return, whether that's from reading your old blog or learning something new.

lunarcat522

@PetiteQuark I think being determined is a great quality to have! It is technically 'easier' giving up, but I feel like that's something you might come to regret later on. I'm struggling with various things at the moment but I'm persisting with my college course because I know I have the potential there and the end goal will be worth it. There's a common misconception that the more technical subject like physics are only for the really smart, but that just isn't true. Do you know why you're put off physics at the moment? Is it the actual subject, or is it the peer pressure from everyone around you? Or a mix? I'm studying at college and I had the realisation that school can be a very competitive environment, for no good reason, other than they seem to foster and even encourage it there. I think if you have a passion for the subject, you should definitely give it a go, and try not to compare yourself to others, as @Maisy said, which can be extremely difficult, but everyone has their own things they struggle with, we just don't always know about them at the time.

Is there a particular area in physics you're interested in? Even if it's not part of the course, looking into it, and even watching a few documentaries might help you start enjoying it again.

PetiteQuark

It's just ive been told to give up so many times i feel put off. Not just that - but the other sixth formers back in opening evening (i didn't end up going to the college i went to in august opening evening, my grades weren't good enough and ik retaking elsewhere) the other 6th formers, even though i haven't thought that much of it back then, but what they told me just showed how competitive physics would be like. I think @maisy is right, they weren't smart. My little sister whos just in secondary is much more intelligent than that. And shes not even in college yet.

I feel like, back in secondary school since year 7, i realised that some kids can be very childish, and mean. But that was just secondary school i thought in college everyone would be nicer because we'd be done with our gcses and we'd be specialising in certain subjects, but i guess not, some people still act silly.
I mean ive had grown adults act silly and mean sometimes... Sometimes to me even!

catherines03

Hi @PetiteQuark - like you said, even grown adults can be mean, which isn't the best thing to realise, but can also be reframed in a positive manner - if you know people can be mean, don't take their opinions to heart! They will make comments no matter what you do, so make sure you follow what you really want to do. If that's physics, then go for it! Prove them all wrong!
And the right people will support you throughout of course, especially on The Mix.

I'm sure you're not stupid, you just need a different way to help yourself learn. Just because people learn concepts quicker doesn't mean they're fundamentally smarter than you. Maybe watching YouTube videos, drawing pictures of concepts or even asking your teacher to explain it again would help?

Don't give up!!

sputnik

Hey @PetiteQuark , don't know if I can add anything new to the conversation but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling like this and I really sympathise! I admire you for having such a love for physics, it's so great to have an interest in something and remember that no-one can take that interest away from you. I really struggled with GCSEs and I had to take maths three times before I passed, but with the right tutoring I got there. It doesn't mean you're unintelligent or inadequate at all, no-one has a talent for every subject and everyone needs extra help with certain things in life. Plus, there are different types of intelligence and different ways of working with your difficulties I don't know if that's any help but I hope you keep pursuing what you want to do, regardless of the people who tell you to give up (they can mind their own business!)