Stressing

FordRanger · October 2023

I had a call about just getting myself sorted but my uncle spoke because struggle a bit talking to people so they said its ok for him to talk. When they were talking I was just worrying what they were saying to him. I heard them mention volunteering then from that I just started worrying and stressing kind of because I know it will give me a routine instead of not doing much at home. I dont want trying to make excuses just to not get sorted, I do want to get sorted. It's just I have been struggling with not getting much income and I just have been wanting to get money but volunteering won't give me that. I feel like I could be working in like a charity shop, with all the stress of, stacking shelves, dealing with rude customers, strict staff, having force myself to get up in the morning, dreading nights before work etc all unpaid. Atleast if I was working in a paid job I'd get paid and could maybe save money even if I did have that.

I have been struggling sleeping because I just have so many worries about stuff. I just worry I'll be doing volunteering for several months to a year then even longer. I know it can help me into paid work but I heard some employers might ignore volunteering on your cv so I worry if I do it I'll get nothing out of it. I don't know anyone who does volunteering like all my friends and stuff have just got paid jobs so it will feel like I work but don't get paid while everyone else goes to work but does. The reasons why I want to get sorted is to get a routine, get out of the house but also get money to save and buy myself that's what's motivated me. I would prefer to just get straight into paid work really and just get an income but I have a meeting soon so I'll just have to see what they say.

JustV · October 2023

Can I ask what you mean by 'get sorted' @FordRanger? Who was the call with?

This is a really understandable conflict to have. Money opens a lot of doors for you and it's reasonable for you to want to prioritise that or be frustrated that it's hard to get.

The one thing I would say about volunteering is that employers genuinely do love it, at least in my experience and from people I know. It shows the employer that you're willing to work literally for free, which tells them really clearly that you're reliable and motivated.

I know you've been in a rut for a while (if that's fair to say?) and a potential challenge of going right into paid work might be that it's a shock to the system. When you're being paid to do a job, more strict expectations are placed on you, and there's naturally more pressure around it.

If you volunteer, the commitment tends to be more flexible, you can pick it up and drop it more easily, and the role should come with less pressure. And for you Ford I wonder if that's a good stepping stone for you to go into paid work. You can get into the routine, shake yourself off, see how you find it, without all the extra pressure that paid work would come with. Volunteering is also more accessible than paid work, so you could find something to do sooner and more easily.

Then if you find yourself really liking the routine and gaining confidence, feeling happier, you can lean on that to look for full time jobs that give you the kind of money you want.

Also, volunteering covers a HUGE range of things. You could work in a charity shop like you said, there are people who drive for charities, you could help out at events, the list goes on.

This ended up being a bit rambly and this might not all apply to you, but these were my thoughts after reading your post.

I am an advocate for volunteering generally so I might be biased. There's also nothing wrong with jumping into paid work if you feel comfortable with that.

You mentioned a meeting at the end there - do you mind me asking who you're meeting?

FordRanger · October 2023

JustV wrote: »

Can I ask what you mean by 'get sorted' @FordRanger? Who was the call with?

This is a really understandable conflict to have. Money opens a lot of doors for you and it's reasonable for you to want to prioritise that or be frustrated that it's hard to get.

The one thing I would say about volunteering is that employers genuinely do love it, at least in my experience and from people I know. It shows the employer that you're willing to work literally for free, which tells them really clearly that you're reliable and motivated.

I know you've been in a rut for a while (if that's fair to say?) and a potential challenge of going right into paid work might be that it's a shock to the system. When you're being paid to do a job, more strict expectations are placed on you, and there's naturally more pressure around it.

If you volunteer, the commitment tends to be more flexible, you can pick it up and drop it more easily, and the role should come with less pressure. And for you Ford I wonder if that's a good stepping stone for you to go into paid work. You can get into the routine, shake yourself off, see how you find it, without all the extra pressure that paid work would come with. Volunteering is also more accessible than paid work, so you could find something to do sooner and more easily.

Then if you find yourself really liking the routine and gaining confidence, feeling happier, you can lean on that to look for full time jobs that give you the kind of money you want.

Also, volunteering covers a HUGE range of things. You could work in a charity shop like you said, there are people who drive for charities, you could help out at events, the list goes on.

This ended up being a bit rambly and this might not all apply to you, but these were my thoughts after reading your post. I am an advocate for volunteering generally so I might be biased. There's also nothing wrong with jumping into paid work if you feel comfortable with that.

You mentioned a meeting at the end there - do you mind me asking who you're meeting?

@JustV it's just with the job centre and the call was with them.

Yh volunteering does give experiance and ive been not doing much for a while, just over a year but some people have been longer than that. I know they'll be strict in most jobs yh. I'll have to see what they say at the next meeting. Hopefully either way I'll be ok though

KBee99 · October 2023

@FordRanger A potential option if you are looking for paid work is to try applying to some Christmas temporary roles? A lot of places should be hiring around now and usually hire multiple candidates! It’s a great way to earn cash over the holiday period and gain experience for your CV. Also sometimes a temporary job can turn into a permanent job

FordRanger · October 2023

KBee99 wrote: »

@FordRanger A potential option if you are looking for paid work is to try applying to some Christmas temporary roles? A lot of places should be hiring around now and usually hire multiple candidates! It’s a great way to earn cash over the holiday period and gain experience for your CV. Also sometimes a temporary job can turn into a permanent job

@KBee99 That could potentially be an idea tbf. Thanks

Maisy · October 2023

I understand the frustration and anxiety behind wanting to 'get yourself sorted' only to feel like it's too much and yet also feeling like you aren't getting anywhere.

It sounds like your uncle was being helpful when he was talking. I'm wondering, if you could choose anywhere to volunteer, where would that be? I think a lot of people think charity shops when they hear the word 'volunteering' but there are other places too. It might be helpful to think of things you enjoy, or what you want to do to help you get a particular job. For example, I know someone who wants to be a personal trainer, so they volunteer at a charity shop (customer service experience) and at a gym too.

I've heard it joked about before that many jobs ask for experience and it often feels like you need a job to get a job. It makes sense that you want an income for yourself- you'll be financially independent and will be able to make more decisions in life based on your income. But if you haven't been able to get a job at the moment, then volunteering can help fill the gap in your cv and increase your chances of getting a job in the future. So volunteering won't bring you any money in the short term, but in the long term, it will improve your chances of getting an income.

When we get anxious about something, it's easy to start listing the negatives. For example, you think that volunteering in a charity shop will be hard work- dealing with difficult customers, stacking shelves, strict staff etc. But do you know this for sure? I've spent some time volunteering in a charity shop, and while this is my own personal experience, so far, I've found the experience to be quiet positive. I've had one or two difficult customers, but the staff are always on hand to help out, and it really is only a minority of people that are difficult. And the staff are quite relaxed...one of my co-workers has a break every hour....you wouldn't be able to do that with a paid job! I feel it has also developed my confidence too...and I say that as someone who years ago struggled to buy things in a shop because I hated that little interaction you have at the till...now I'm the person behind the till! So, don't always believe everything your mind tells you...volunteering might turn out better than you think. Plus, you're a volunteer...if you don't like it in one place, you can always go somewhere else.

Since your main focus is on earning money, if you decide to take on volunteering somewhere, maybe you can set yourself a time frame...perhaps decide to stay there for a while and see how you get on. Then if you stay there for a few months, you can decide to start applying for jobs. Volunteering gives you structure and helps build your skills and confidence, but you can also get references from managers as well (which you'll need when it comes to job applications).

It's difficult to say what employers look for...some might ignore volunteering in favour of paid work, but for many others, they might prefer volunteering over a gap in your cv. It's possible that your friends may have done some volunteering or other activities while in school that lead to them being able to get a job now. And it is possible to get jobs without a lot of experience...temporary jobs like Christmas or seasonal work, or working for agencies may not require much experience (although for agency work, you might want to have a good idea of what the work is about since agencies might not be able to train you up for the job and might just expect you to know what to do). So it's up to you whether to go straight into paid work or volunteer first.

Let us know how the next meeting goes!

FordRanger · October 2023

Maisy wrote: »

I understand the frustration and anxiety behind wanting to 'get yourself sorted' only to feel like it's too much and yet also feeling like you aren't getting anywhere.

It sounds like your uncle was being helpful when he was talking. I'm wondering, if you could choose anywhere to volunteer, where would that be? I think a lot of people think charity shops when they hear the word 'volunteering' but there are other places too. It might be helpful to think of things you enjoy, or what you want to do to help you get a particular job. For example, I know someone who wants to be a personal trainer, so they volunteer at a charity shop (customer service experience) and at a gym too.

I've heard it joked about before that many jobs ask for experience and it often feels like you need a job to get a job. It makes sense that you want an income for yourself- you'll be financially independent and will be able to make more decisions in life based on your income. But if you haven't been able to get a job at the moment, then volunteering can help fill the gap in your cv and increase your chances of getting a job in the future. So volunteering won't bring you any money in the short term, but in the long term, it will improve your chances of getting an income.

When we get anxious about something, it's easy to start listing the negatives. For example, you think that volunteering in a charity shop will be hard work- dealing with difficult customers, stacking shelves, strict staff etc. But do you know this for sure? I've spent some time volunteering in a charity shop, and while this is my own personal experience, so far, I've found the experience to be quiet positive. I've had one or two difficult customers, but the staff are always on hand to help out, and it really is only a minority of people that are difficult. And the staff are quite relaxed...one of my co-workers has a break every hour....you wouldn't be able to do that with a paid job! I feel it has also developed my confidence too...and I say that as someone who years ago struggled to buy things in a shop because I hated that little interaction you have at the till...now I'm the person behind the till! So, don't always believe everything your mind tells you...volunteering might turn out better than you think. Plus, you're a volunteer...if you don't like it in one place, you can always go somewhere else.

Since your main focus is on earning money, if you decide to take on volunteering somewhere, maybe you can set yourself a time frame...perhaps decide to stay there for a while and see how you get on. Then if you stay there for a few months, you can decide to start applying for jobs. Volunteering gives you structure and helps build your skills and confidence, but you can also get references from managers as well (which you'll need when it comes to job applications).

It's difficult to say what employers look for...some might ignore volunteering in favour of paid work, but for many others, they might prefer volunteering over a gap in your cv. It's possible that your friends may have done some volunteering or other activities while in school that lead to them being able to get a job now. And it is possible to get jobs without a lot of experience...temporary jobs like Christmas or seasonal work, or working for agencies may not require much experience (although for agency work, you might want to have a good idea of what the work is about since agencies might not be able to train you up for the job and might just expect you to know what to do). So it's up to you whether to go straight into paid work or volunteer first.

Let us know how the next meeting goes!

@Maisy
Maybe if I could volunteer in a garage or something as long as it's short term and gets me into a paid role.

Also, I think theyll be strict staff and stuff because I still will need to do stuff right even though its not paid, I can't mess thing up. Also I might need volunteering to be strict if it was a stepping stone to get into work because if they arent strict with my volunteering role then I get into a paid job where they are I might not be prepared for it. I'll still look at it, I was just saying the negatives but there's positives too like the ones you said and probably more too.

The meeting went ok, I might have to look at going back to college as an option too but I'm not sure yet. I've got other meetings soon too.

Maisy · November 2023

You are right that even with volunteering there will be expectations to do things properly. But it's also okay if you make mistakes along the way- these things happen and you will be able to learn from the experience too. I also agree that even though volunteering can be quite flexible, that it can also be good to have some 'strictness' in order to prepare you for work. Hopefully you'll find somewhere with a good balance of both!

Hope the other meetings go okay too and best of luck if you do decide to return to college

Stressing

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