A Work Do

Willow

Hello,

So I am the only female in the team I work in. There are 9 other guys in the team including my manager.

The company allows teams an allowance to go do activities within your team and it is anything you want it to be. My team want to do karaoke. Something I absolutely hate and a few others are reluctant but will do it anyway.
It costs money to hire out the space per person and even if your not actually singing it will cost.

I just don't feel comfortable going. If they selected literally anything else I would be up for it but all I be doing is sitting on a sit watching for about 2 hours my colleagues getting drunk and singing. Really doesn't sounds like a fun night out for me, would mich prefer to go home and play video games with my partner.

Also i have no idea how they are like drunk and they will get drunk so don't want to be around them as they already talk inappropriately at work gosh knows what there like drunk.

I am trying to be a team player in my team and don't want to miss out to some extent as I already feel like an outside but I really don't want to go.

How do I tell my boss with a good enough reason. Its not compulsory but they asked if I would be free that day and I said yes and then find out it's karaoke later.

LydsRose9

Hi @Willow ,

I can completely understand the predicament you’re in. It can be hard to set and keep to boundaries you’ve set yourself to feel comfortable and balance those with wanting to feel like a team member.

Is there anyone in the team that may be more understanding to how you feel? Perhaps you could explain to them how you feel, or ask if there’s any way they would reconsider karaoke, especially if there are a few of you that feel the same way.

Remember your mental health is the most important thing and although you may feel like an outsider, I’m sure you are a very valuable member of the team and not attending one social event won’t change this.

In terms of telling your boss, if you feel comfortable enough you could tell them the truth, as they should be understanding about the situation you’re in, and it would be unfair of them to put any pressure on you. Otherwise, you could just tell them that you have prior commitments, you don’t owe them an explanation.

I hope things get solved, and just remember that it is important to put yourself first sometimes❤️

Willow

Many thanks for your response @LydsRose9

Unfortunately while I do somewhat get on with everyone on my team, I think I am just more tolerated than an actually friend or colleague to anyone. They won't reconsider karaoke that's been set in stone now and there's no convincing my manager to change his mind (despite him not wanting to do it either) everyone seems to just be going along with it.

Not to be blowing my own horn (I think that's the phrase) but I know I am extremely valuable to the team and I am the most hardest working one and efficient member in the team. I doubt there would be repercussions if I don't go but at the same time worried that I might have a different work relationship with my manager like come across as not a team player and I lose projects in my work cause of it.

I don't feel like I can say I have prior commitments now as they asked what day everyone was avaliable and I said I was and so that's the day they picked cause everyone in the team was avaliable. However I guess I could be honest and say I don't want to go. I am just trying to find the right wording for it without coming across as a stuck up snob and insulting anyone I guess. Like I am worried if I say it would make me uncomfortable to go that they would take offense

Azziman

Hey @Willow, I hear you. It's a difficult situation - on the one hand, you want to socialise with your team and be a "team player"; on the other hand, you mention that karaoke is something you don't enjoy at all, and that you're concerned how your team-mates will act under the influence of alcohol. I can understand that even though they say you don't "have" to go, there's some expectation that you'd go as you've said you're available.

What I'd say is that while team socials can be great for getting along with your team, I don't think any of them would want you to sit there and feel uncomfortable the whole time. So if you'd rather not go, that's fine - there'll be other team socials to go to, and missing one social won't be a problem.

In terms of how to tell them about it, I suppose it depends on a couple of things. Did you get the chance to give your opinion about the choice of activity before it was finalised, and if so, did you tell them? Also, how far out is the activity day? @LydsRose9 has mentioned a couple of good ways to resolve this. If you really have to, a last-minute emergency to get you out of it can work (as it's not something you'd have seen coming either).