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Past User

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Gemma

You are so much stronger than you think, @Past User . It sounds like things have been piling up and I'm hearing how things feel overwhelming. It's worth saying that you shouldn't feel that you have to pretend things are okay. It's okay for things not to be. And you shouldn't have to hide that fact.

ive noticed a pattern that opening up is causing me more harm than my thoughts.

it feels like i cant tell anyone whats going on

It's not always easy to find someone who won't invalidate our feelings and experiences. We hope that in this space on the community, you find that you can share your feelings and be met with non-judgmental, validating support.

But I'm hearing how it isn't always helping you to open up. Is there a particular way in which you feel opening up is causing you harm?

There is never any pressure on you here to share everything that's going on for you, Morgyn. I'm not great at opening up to my family about my feelings and what I find helps me is taking some time and distance from the situation to do some reflecting before I'm ready to share. This is totally okay to do so. Would you find it helpful to get your feelings down on paper?

There are lots of people that care about you, us included, and we want you to know we're here for you and we'll listen .

Katie12

hi @Past User , it sounds like everything is a bit much right now so understandably overwhelming. What you are feeling is not at all selfish and opening up can always be difficult especially if you have not found anything that is helpful in the past. Writing poetry is so cool!! i hope it gives you some sort of way to express the way you're feeling. thinking of you

Amy22

Sometimes @Past User it can be hard describing how we feel to other people, it's kind of like a wall in the way of us trying to get out what we want to say except it may not come out as we wanted or not at all. I know you have been finding it hard to talk about things on your mind and this is okay to feel as I think it can be hard trying to describe how we feel. I dont know if I am right but I think there is a thing called Alxithyma I think it's called that which is a medical term often used for those who struggle to talk about their feelings. It's a common thing for most people to struggle with alixtymia especially those who identify as neurodiverse. So please don't feel bad about not being able to open up. I'll try to find some articles if I can for you on it.

I also noticed that you write your feelings down instead of talking them out which can be very helpful too especially if talking causes you to feel more bad. Poetry is a good thing too as well as it can help with feelings or thoughts, even just as an idea having a stream of conscious journal may help with processing thoughts and feelings as its a way of dumping what happened in the day onto a page. It can help a bit with feeling refreshed too as there is no right or wrong way to do it at all.

I think this one may be helpful possibly. (I found this one article on it which is from the National Autistic Society, I coulden't find any other sources as the NHS website didn't seem to have it on there, I know its mostly in people with neurodiversity but I just thought the article may help a bit)

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/15499/alexithymia

(I found that this is more of a forum based thing where others give opinions so not really medical accurate but I think there are threads on the website that deal with talking about emotions and feelings)

I also found this website too

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/people-alexithymia-emotions-mystery/

I know I may not be the best at advice but I am always here if you need someone at any time

sending you hugs,

Amy22

Azziman

Hey @Past User. I hear you, it sounds like you're going through a rough time at the moment. Thank you for having the courage to share how you feel on here, it's a brave thing to do

As said above, it sounds like you've felt the need to hide these feelings for a long time. Bottling them for a while can make it harder to speak about them (because we resort to bottling instead of expressing). Talking about feelings isn't always easy, and especially when they're difficult to talk about, we can find it really hard to open up to someone about it. And being conscious about how we feel and how difficult it is to talk, we can feel anxious about it such that it's hard to talk about anything at all. Your feelings are valid, and I appreciate that it can feel frustrating to be in this position. You're doing your best, and that's the most you can ever ask of yourself

I like to think of bottling emotions as like a pressure cooker - the longer it's left to build, releasing the lid in one go can literally make it 'explode'. So instead, releasing the pressure a little at a time, in a safe manner, is a better approach. You don't have to talk about everything all at once, but having an outlet where at least you can talk about things slowly, at a rate that you're comfortable with (e.g. writing things down, talking on The Mix boards here, confiding in a counsellor), can help to ease that pressure. And it sounds like you've already started doing that with poetry, which is good to see!

Echoing what @Gemma said above, finding someone who won't validate your feelings, and will make you feel heard is important here. I can appreciate that it can be difficult to do that, when hiding those emotions is the default solution at the moment. Perhaps there is a counsellor at school, a teacher you can trust, or you could get a referral from your GP? Someone who will listen to you, and who can talk to. You don't have to explain everything right away, and it might take some time to get to the point where you feel comfortable to share your feelings with them, but a person that you can speak to to have that outlet would be helpful.

Finally, I just want to post a few support contacts, if you feel like you want to speak to someone about how you feel:

- The Mix has a crisis messenger text service which is free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, and are experiencing any painful emotion or are in crisis, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
- Samaritans is a really great helpline, which you can call any time on 116 123 to get support
- You can also call Papryus helpline on 0800 068 41 41 - this is a helpline for anyone under 25 who is worried about how they are feeling.

Because you deserve to be heard. Your feelings are valid, and you shouldn't have to go through this alone. We're here to support you through this too, and if it helps, you're welcome to talk about your feelings on the forum here as an outlet too