he asked 'when can we get intimate'

Former Member

So my boyfriend asked a bit of a wierd question well he didnt ask directly but yh he told my mate to text me this
' when can we get more intimate im not rushing you or anything just want to know where i stand' when i asked what does he mean by intimate he said like 'fingering and that sort of shit' idk what to reply to that or even if im allowed to what should i do

Former Member

tell him exactly that. tell him you don't know how to feel about it. he sounds supportive and I'm sure he'll understand if you're not ready just be honest

Amy22

As someone who went through something similar it may be best to be honest and tell your feelings to him. If you don't feel comfortable or are not ready just yet to take things further it's important to let your boyfriend know. It does sound like he wants to take things further but I know he mentioned about not rushing, (I had the exact opposite in a way) but he does sound supportive and understanding. Letting your boyfriend know about how you feel could help him understand a bit more too that your ready and to just wait until you feel ready and are comfortable too . No one should pressure you into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing.

Former Member

Hey Maria,

It sounds like your boyfriend is very supportive of your feelings and limits, I would advise you to tell him how you feel about getting intimate with him. If you’re not comfortable with getting intimate that is okay, and being able to talk about these feelings together as a couple will bring you and him closer together. If you’re not comfortable getting intimate, then that is totally okay. No one should feel pressured into doing sexual things or anything they’re not comfortable in doing. How’re you feeling today, have you got any plans?

Former Member

@ xee and @roseabi and @Amy22 thank you so much for supporting me idk how to feel about at coz ive still got one more year till i turn 16 hes already 16 so im not sure if it would be allowed so yh i dont want to get too intimate with him but i guess just a little is ok

Former Member

Heyyy @Maria2008 hope you’re okay? Age of consent of sexual acts/sex is 16 years old in England and Wales.

The age of consent in England and Wales is 16. This is the age when young people of any sex, gender or sexual orientation can legally consent to taking part in sexual activity. This means that sexual activity between two or more people is always unlawful if at least one of the people is under the age of 16.

Former Member

@RoseAbi thnx for letting me know does that mean that this is gonna sound so awkward hes not allowed to finger me

Former Member

Hey hey @Maria2008 i might be wrong or something but I think it would be against the law if he did as you’re under 16 and ( in the eyes of the law ) aren’t capable of consenting. ( that’s just my views ).

Former Member

ok thnx a lot @RoseAbi ill just let him know then coz he said he doesnt know

Former Member

Hey hey again @Maria2008 that’s okay! Always here if u need advice or if u need someone to talk to

Former Member

thnx rose

MatchaMia

@Maria2008 Hiya I'm a bit late but I just wanted to drop in here to let you know that you can find all laws on consent etc on NHS borders = https://www.nhsborders.scot.nhs.uk/patients-and-visitors/our-services/general-services/underage-sexual-activity-interagency-guidance/sex,-young-people-and-the-law/ and also in case you need it in the crime & safety tab of the mix = https://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-safety/your-rights/age-of-consent-9106.html

I think generally if you're below 13, you can't give legal consent, and if 1 of you is 16 and the other is not yet, any sexual activity may be legally viewed as a sexual offence, regardless of the verbal consent given. I'm not sure what the law is specifically when you're both 13+ and below 16 but I don't think it applies to you anyway...

Hope the links work! and I hope you're safe

Former Member

@MatchaMia sorry for the late reply ive been so down to even log on here but anyway thnx for the site and the second paragraph got me confused a bit so ill explain the situation on private dm if thats ok with you reply here if u dont mind me to dm you

ebyrne556

Heya @Maria2008 just a checkin from me sending hugs

Former Member

thank you so much @ebyrne556

MatchaMia

Hi @Maria2008

Soooo sorry for the late reply- I haven't logged on in a while. I hope that you're okay my private dm is till open if you'd like to talk, I should be active every week from now on!

Generally, anyone aged 13 and below can't give legal consent and so any situation involving vulnerable and sexual activity will be seen as illegal. What I was also trying to say is that a 16 year old may be legally convicted of a sexual offence crime if any sexual activity were to occur with someone younger than them. I think you can read more about the laws in the links I've sent so please do take the time to consider them before acting on anything else- they should hopefully shed more light!

I think just to be on the safe and legal side, perhaps consider waiting until you're also 16 as he is older than you right now, and so the situation might be a bit worrisome in a legal sense. Discussing these laws with him may also be helpful. Even when you turn 16, you shouldn't do anything your uncomfortable with, but as long as you feel and be actively safe, you should be okay!

Hope this makes more sense! Again, you can always dm!

Former Member

hey @MatchaMia sorry i was logged off for a veryyyyyyyyyy long time i broke up with him he dumped me for my best mate