Bit of a rant

Former Member

Needed a space to vent my feelings and maybe someone else could relate to this.
I find it so uncomfortable how invested other people are in my relationship. If I'm at home my parents are always asking when I'll be seeing my boyfriend, or if I go to a social event without him everyone asks where he is. I feel like my identity as my own individual person has been taken from me just because I decided to date someone.
While I do love my partner and we've been together for a year, this issue is making me not want to see him. I think subconsciously I feel as though if I'm not around him I'll get my identity back. The poor guy has done nothing wrong and he is (for the most part) a very good partner, especially with my mental health issues, but I can't help but harbour some resentment towards the relationship because of this.
If I tell people to stop asking about it they assume we've had some big fallout or we've broken up and I don't think it's worth all the trouble of explaining. So, I just have to deal with it.
I know it's a fairly trivial issue but over time it's something that has built up to a sort of breaking point. With a few other annoying little things in the relationship, it's almost a "straw that broke the camel's back" situation.
Starting to think I'm not cut out for the world of romantic relationships haha

Azziman

Heya @leeholly, I hear you. I can imagine that quite a few people can relate to this, especially when you've been in a longer-term relationship like you're in. It sounds like you're finding it frustrating to have to deal with all these questions about your boyfriend. Generally speaking, it's normal for people to ask about your partner (or parents/kids) because it's considered a nice thing to enquire about. For that reason, you're right - asking people to stop asking outright would seem out of place. It sounds like it might be one of those things you might just have to deal with to be honest. That's not to say that your feelings about it are invalid in any way though.

It sounds like you've acknowledged why it is that this issue is making you feel this way, which is useful. I can imagine that hearing questions about him when you go to these events can make you feel like you're now only recognised as a couple. What I'd say is that to some extent, it's true - in some respect, you'll be perceived as a couple, which carries its own identity. But, you are still both individuals with your own identities, and I wouldn't let other peoples' perceptions or questions ever challenge that. Whether you are in a relationship or not, you have your own experiences, values and preferences, and it's important to recognise that. You have value as a person, whether you are with your boyfriend or not. It might not always be said or explicitly recognised by people, but it's always important to remind ourselves of this

You've been together for a year, and that's fantastic - it takes two to make a relationship work, and it sounds like you've both doing just that to get to a year together. So in that sense, it sounds like you're cut out for this world of relationships That being said, you've mentioned that there are other issues in the relationship building up. What I'd say to that is, communication is really important. Talking to each other and finding a way that you can face the problem together is the best way to resolve issues