Moving out of my Ex-bf house today

Former Member

I've been together with my ex-bf for the past 6 years, I'm 28 years old and he is 29 years old. We have ended up recently about 1-1.5 months ago. Because we were living together it's taken me sometime to find somewhere else which I have now and will be moving tomorrow. Thing is we have ended in goods terms and we still want to be friends, and we have friends together that we want to keep.
It's very hard, I will be living with someone new that I barely know, I feel like I'm out of my comfort zone, no longer in my house, no longer with him, even though we stopped loving each other romantically, we still liked each other emotionally. That's why we stayed as friends. My ex went to the new house with me and helped me clean my room to make sure that it's tidy for when i go today. But I don't know, it's hard and I can't explain it properly.
I don't think that I will be able to find someone that will love me for whom I'm... despite what people say...
I'm living in the UK so I'm also from abroad which makes it difficult, a lot of my friend and family they're all far away. Building friendships,relationship from scratch just feels daunting...

Former Member

@henry16
Indeed it must be a daunting time for you. It is important to remember that this is a normal event that many had to/are having to/will experience in their life. This doesn't mean that what you're currently feeling shouldn't be validated as you have every right and reason to feel that way, but like many, you will be able to overcome this period. One thing that is amazing about humans is our ability to adapt to situations; hopefully, this fact can serve as some form of encouragement that you will be able to experience some joy and comfort again. You can do this! Having said that, you're not alone. I believe that many will be able to empathise with you if you decide you communicate with those in your new environment, and hopefully, they can help you get through this period. Perhaps you can speak to your family and friends about your feelings - maybe they've experienced something similar and can support you. However, this is up to you.

Building new friendships and a new relationship from scratch requires a lot of time and effort, but I don't believe that this eliminates them as a possible thing to acquire. Surely there are community events where you can meet new people, and online groups too? Perhaps you can join a club?

You seem like a lovely person. Despite this daunting time, you are still moving forward and it is this resilience and bravery that is such an admirable quality that I believe will serve you well during this time

Former Member

@henry16
It's completely understandable that you are feeling a mix of emotions and find the prospect of starting a new chapter in your life daunting. Ending a long-term relationship and moving to a new place can be challenging, even if it was done on good terms. Transitioning from living together to living apart and adjusting to a new living situation can feel unsettling and unfamiliar. You can try to stay connected with friends and family and seek support.

Focus on building a fulfilling life for yourself, nurturing existing friendships, and exploring new interests. You have the strength to navigate this phase of your life, and with time and patience, things will gradually fall into place. We're here to support you too!

Former Member

Honestly, if you didn't feel like this then that would be abnormal. Going through a breakup is completely shit even if it doesn't end on bad terms, loosing someone romantically can be stressful solely because you're now forced out of a comfort zone the two of you created for years.

By the sounds of things, you two ended on very healthy terms however you need to remind yourself that even though you're still friends and can talk and meet up etc. you have to set that boundary between you and him to ensure you aren't still relying on him romantically without even realising. This can be utterly fucking awful to do because lets be real, the easy route would be to still emotionally depend on him as that's what you've known you years, but the fact you've physically separated from each other via moving house is such an amazing first step!

And if you're ever worried about being a bit lonely and wished you have more friends outside of your shared circle (sometimes you just need an unbiased person to chat shit to), I would highly recommend Bumble Friends, I've just recently moved abroad and honestly that app works WONDERS for meeting new people!

Now this will sound disgustingly cringy but, one thing I learnt from past experience is that after a breakup your defences are down in ways you don't realise, and this can often lead to us entering new relationships extremely quickly because we just want that kind of long-term affection again. But honestly, that just means we don't vet the person as thoroughly as we should and end up in kind of shitty relationships. Take your time, learn to love your independence, and once you love yourself enough that you don't HAVE to have romantic relationships to feel happy, I promise you that's when you'll find someone who you truly are right for.

And everyone on the planet worries that they won't be loved, please don't ever think it's just you, and I can genuinely say to you now, that those thoughts are utter crap, because you WILL find someone that loves you for you. But that is no where near as important as loving and being completely content with yourself first!!

Azziman

Hey @henry16, I hear you. It sounds like there's a few things you've mentioned in your post. Most immediately, moving home can be a difficult process at the best of times, and I can imagine it's harder in this situation. Moving to a new place with a new person is a move away from what was familiar, and that can feel uncomfortable. That being said, it's nice to hear that your ex was kind enough to help you with the move in. I think @NataschaAnn makes a good point about boundaries - making sure you're clear of where you stand. Once you've found that balance, and if you find it comfortable, you could invite your ex over to hang out as friends, if that's something you'd both like

I can understand that the break up can make you feel uncertain as to whether someone will love you for who you are. As @Terry8936 says, building a fulfilling life and connections is a good place to start. I know that's more challenging when many of your loved ones are abroad, and connecting with them from time to time is a good place to start. It'll take some effort, but the best thing that we can do specifically is to meet people and allow people to get to know us, because that gives us the best chance of finding good friends as well as that "special someone". Be your own biggest cheerleader, and give yourself that chance to find that person who you can develop that special connection with