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Different situations have been upsetting me

Creativeboy23Creativeboy23 Posts: 181 Helping Hand
edited July 2023 in Health & Wellbeing

Hello all.

I have been feeling down. I continue to think that people develop a judgement of my character. My mentor was not understanding of my difficulties and autism when I was at university. I worry that having no sexual experience will be a barrier in a relationship. My friend has been emotionally dependent on me, thinks about himself, and does not give me space on social media.
Post edited by Creativeboy23 on

Comments

  • CaniceQCaniceQ Posts: 122 The Mix Convert
    @Creativeboy23
    Hi, how r u feeling right now?
    It sounds like the people you are surrounded by are self-centred and that your surroundings are not welcoming of you as an individual. You deserve better and I hope you can seek solace in this community - we're all here for you <3
    If you don't mind me asking, were other people understanding of your difficulties at uni? Did you speak to another member of staff about your mentor? Have you tried sharing your feelings about your friend's behaviour with that friend?
    CaniceQ
  • Creativeboy23Creativeboy23 Posts: 181 Helping Hand

    Hello @CaniceQ.

    I am feeling a bit better.

    I do not remember them being understanding.

    No, but I think I spoke to helplines about my mentor. I cannot remember.

    Sharing these things with my friend has been challenging because I fear I will upset him, but I will tell him.
  • Creativeboy23Creativeboy23 Posts: 181 Helping Hand

    I thought I was feeling a little better but I am low again today.

    I have been feeling unhappy about my weight. It was making me feel teary. Then, I thought about how I have to hide my feelings in my house because I usually get judged. I felt people would be think I should share, despite being judged.

    I have been having negative thoughts.
  • CaniceQCaniceQ Posts: 122 The Mix Convert
    @Creativeboy23

    I can completely understand how sharing those feelings with your friend must be challenging. I have been exactly in your position but also in the position of your friend. Knowing that you are surrounded by people who don't provide you with comfort, I can see why it seems that it is a better option to not say anything to your friend since they are your friend, one who is easily there for you. However, I believe that friendships must be honest. Even if that honesty cause pain, it is getting through that painfulness in a supportive and respectful way (one that looks towards the future and seeks to improve one's behaviour for oneself and each other than grieving on one's past behaviour) that the genuine friendships are formed - a friendship that feels like a home, one where you can seek solace. Although, it is completely up to you. It is important to know your needs - so the question is, what do you need in a friend?

    I can see how difficult it is to share your feelings, even at your own home which I can relate to. In that case, I believe it would be best for you not to share your feelings with them since it would do more harm than good and I rather not see you more low-spirited. However, I'm aware that doing so will still produce the same effect due to the fact that you cannot share your feelings. I'm so sorry that you have to face that. I can tell by the way you write that you never really had a space to express yourself, is that correct? You seem to hold yourself back from expressing your emotions, as if it's out of protection or to help process your overwhelming emotions to keep them under control. It seems that you have been alone in your journey concerning your mental health since it seems that you can only turn to yourself to seek comfort. However, I'm so glad that you've reached out; it is important that you have a space where your feelings are heard and validated somewhere so I'm glad you've discovered this community :) It's absolutely amazing that despite your judgemental, non-supportive environment, there's some hopefulness within you that seeks a supportive space. That is a wonderful aspect of you - a hope that's like a small flame burning despite the cruel weather. If anything, please keep using this space to speak about your emotions.

    When you have negative thoughts, you can speak about them here too. I will try my best to convince you to look more towards the light (but in a way that still recognises your feelings of course - I truly wish that you can find some hope and experience some joy even in its smallest form).
    CaniceQ
  • VicK_toriousVicK_torious Posts: 105 The Mix Convert
    @Creativeboy23
    Even though i don't know you, I can easily tell that you're a very a self-aware person and brave to be able to share your thought with us. Please do not ever think that your alone in this, as we're always here in case you feel isolated, sad or down.
    I know that it's very hard to deal with overwhelming emotions, but I can assure you that you won't have to deal with this yourself, and everytime you find yourself feeling like you're trapped in a black hole, we'll to our best to guide you and maje you feel better. Here you don't have to hide your feelings, and I'm very sorry to hear that you feel like you have to in your house... You have every right to not be satisfied when you have to feal with people who are self-centered and don't pay enough attention to your needs and feelings!

    How are you feeling at the moment? Has the day been any good for you?
  • Creativeboy23Creativeboy23 Posts: 181 Helping Hand

    Hello @CaniceQ .

    That is well said. That is true. I shared my feelings with my friend, and he acknowledged them. I need a friend who validates my feelings, considers my needs and their own, and is respectful and kind.

    No. I have never had the opportunity to express myself freely. That is why I turn to myself to seek comfort when I am around my dad and brother. They have dismissed my feelings. I also do it because a friend would tell me what to do and what I should have done, making me uncomfortable to share my feelings with my friends.

    I plan to continue utilizing it as a means of expressing my emotions. I often do use this space. I love it.

    I have had the following negative thoughts. I was fed up hearing my dad's apologies for his behaviour when he repeated it. My ex-volunteer coordinator's treatment towards me, a fellow volunteer's treatment towards me, and a mentor's opinions determine the love I receive from others. Thanks. I appreciate your offering to convince me to see the positive side. I have identified some of those thoughts as hot thoughts and challenged them using the SilverCloud app.
  • Creativeboy23Creativeboy23 Posts: 181 Helping Hand

    Hello @vicky_zin .

    Thanks. That is true.

    At the moment, I seem to feeling okay but earlier today I was low. I have been having negative thoughts.
  • VicK_toriousVicK_torious Posts: 105 The Mix Convert
    When I'm having negative thoughts and my anxiety kicks in badly (which happens atleast very day) it helps me feel better to do things I like, which is cooking at the moment. Do you have any things/ activities you like that could alleviate your thoughts for a bit and forget for a moment? @Creativeboy23
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,809 Extreme Poster
    Hey @Creativeboy23, it sounds like you feel like you're being judged a lot by those around you, and that you don't feel understood. You mentioned that you feel you have to hide your feelings, and I want you to know that you're welcome to be open with your feelings in this forum if you are comfortable to do so - your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be and feel heard :)

    I'm happy to hear that you were able to speak to a friend who acknowledged your feelings. It feels nice to know that someone is willing to hear us out when we're feeling down! Some people when faced with this situation may naturally respond with solutions when we might not want to hear it. I find it can be helpful to start the conversation by saying that you just want your friend to listen, and that you're not looking for a solution from them. Setting the expectations clearly will help you to focus the conversation on how you feel here and now, and hopefully that will help you to feel more comfortable sharing your feelings with friends.

    I know that these things can take some time to get used to, but that's okay - we're in no rush! Please feel free to post a comment or thread when you feel like you have something you'd like to express :)

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  • Creativeboy23Creativeboy23 Posts: 181 Helping Hand

    Hello @vicky_zin .

    That is good.

    Yes. I have started to become interested in finding and following designers and commenting on their work on Instagram. I watch talk shows. It is difficult for me to notice whether the activities help alleviate my thoughts. I challenge my thoughts but it does not seem to work.
  • Creativeboy23Creativeboy23 Posts: 181 Helping Hand

    Hello @Azziman .

    Thanks. It sure does feel nice that he would hear me out when I felt down. It is great to have a friend that validates how we are feeling. That is what I will do. Yes, it hopefully will.

    I will do. :)
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