Post of The Month

Laura_tigger82

Hello everyone!

Happy summer season I hope you are all well. I can see we have quite a few new community members this month, how lucky are we! A warm welcome to all of you.

I would, firstly, like to say thank you to everyone who has posted this month or taken the time to respond to and interact with other people's posts.

We appreciate you all. You really are the people who make The Mix's community the supportive and friendly space it is

Now, I would like you to, please, select your favourite nomination from this month.

The nominations are:

@CaniceQ - On I'm Scared

Your feelings are not at all stupid and there is no need to apologise. You are simply expressing yourself and this expression shows a little burning fire within you which seeks to move from a state of existing to living. That is an astounding position to be in, though I know how difficult it is to hold onto.

It is great that you have support from your family and it is absolutely fine for you to rely on them. As for taking care of yourself, it will be difficult at times, and honestly, I'm trying to figure out how to do so myself. It involves a lot of mental effort, especially with a low sense of value one has for oneself and this critical side that negatively judges you. I think it is the mindset of I 'must' take care of myself that needs to be slightly adjusted to one that is personal, one that focuses on your needs than a set checklist. It can start off with a simple, singular need that takes a long time to complete and, ironically enough, it cannot be completed since it is a matter that involves us flawed beings. If anything, continue to try and find ways to self-care even if this requires assistance. Let's inform each other of our findings - we might be able to find the smallest step to this in this life of ours.

It seems you hold an ideal version of yourself that may have derived from a deep desire and/or expectation to be in a state of normality. For us paradoxical and inconsistent beings, I highly doubt we would be able to box ourselves in our ideals and the norm no matter how much we would love to or seem to be able to do. And If I am correct, you have a fear of expressing negative thoughts and feelings to others and even to yourself. Negative feelings are indeed negative, it is as much undesirable for yourself and even for others to hear. However, I hope you can continue to express such negative, undesirable feelings to me and to this community. For me, though I am aware that we aren't able to feel a replication of others' feelings within one's own heart, I wish to be able to at least feel your feelings in some way - even the negative ones that may occur for a long time or even be repetitive. I am a person who seeks to understand beings, our nature, and our existence, despite how emotionally and mentally difficult it may be so I am here for you. Although I could sense some regret that you've experienced after posting this, I do hope you have also felt some sense of relief after typing this. I experience the same thing too when I do so. For me, I usually feel as if I am awkwardly, manically dancing while I express my emotions and then I wish to disappear after that. And you know what? I think I like this humiliating feeling I experience after. An odd feeling but a very real one; it's a step towards self-acceptance and proof of our humanity.

I don't want to play pretend anymore around people, even though it is still difficult for me to avoid doing so since we are encouraged to were masks since childhood and there is that haunting fear of its consequences. (Thus why I find typing as an easier and safer medium to authentically express myself). If anything, in this lifetime of mine, I wish to communicate with beings than ideals, so go on, you can express yourself. If you fear that it will cause some pain, it's okay, it is a matter of fact that we are able to recognise this pain and work together on it.

The fear of people and loneliness, I know how that feels though I sometimes deny feeling that way in order to not feel it haha. I'm not great when it comes to forming bonds and honestly, I never had one for 5-6 years. It may feel as if you exist in a world of empty shadows because of this but remember, you may not see it nor feel it now but your family, this community, and I are here. We may not be able to remove your loneliness but by communicating with us even for a moment, that feeling will be soothed to some degree and I hope this will make you see and be comforted by knowing that such positive states can be attained again, even for few seconds, and hopefully encourages you to continue seeking it. Feeling afraid of people, damn it took me years since a child for me to feel less scared of people and I still feel that way to some degree. Sometimes I go out and say to myself, 'I shall no longer be afraid and I would rather be feared so I can live my life', but... still it doesn't avoid the exhaustion I feel after putting up that brave mask. The world is scary, definitely. By nature, it is designed to be against and for us. And seeing how people including yourself exist with similar fears, thoughts, and emotions makes the world seem less scary. I hope this way of thinking helps.

You are feeling overwhelmed with emotion and this overwhelm can make you feel like a senseless, messy storm. I can understand why you will feel afraid for yourself and the future. We are beings that always exist in the present. It is good to look to the future, but we must remember that now is the present and the future that it will become can be altered now. It's a good thing that you've recognised this fear, for there is hope that you can direct yourself to a less fearful future. So well done : ) I mean, you're still here and today is what we would have considered as the future in previous days, so you're getting there.

As for your thought on 'what do hugs mean?' Well... we can make it anything, for such meaningless words suggest that they can be filled with a ton of meaning.

Today, I feel like 'hugs' means being surrounded by many adorable alpacas... with party hats... and fairy wings. Haha : )

@kaii - On not sure if this belongs here buuuuut (trigger warning)

Hey @PetiteQuark, thank you so much for reaching out, this is incredibly brave of you.

I'm so sorry to hear that you feel like you don't deserve to feel upset. I understand how your past experiences and your mum's words have contributed to this feeling. I just want to say that any emotion you feel is completely valid - it's normal and okay to not feel happy all the time. I understand your sadness due to people not being able to recognise and understand your problems - but this doesn't make your problems any less valid.

Best of luck with your GCSEs, I understand how stressful it is taking them, especially since there's a common belief that good GCSEs = bright future (but this is not true at all!). I just want to say well done for persevering through this difficult time, and no matter the outcome, your future will be okay.

I would just like to ask if you have any trusted friends who you could talk to about these experiences? Talking about your feelings may help you feel better. If not, it may help to write out your feelings in a journal. Again, this can help you feel better and can also give your thoughts some clarity. It may even bring you some solace as well since you're writing down all of your emotions and accepting them as they are - without any judgment at all. Please feel free to continue writing here on the discussion boards, we're always here to listen you!

Take care, and I hope this helps!

Sending hugs,

Kai

Good luck choosing!

kaii

Thank you so much for the post of the month nomination! Congrats @CaniceQ for being nominated as well, you've given such lovely support and the community is so grateful for it! Good luck!!

IainJammyboy

Poor kaii with 0 votes - actually feel sorry for you

Amy22

Both posts were very lovely in their own ways well done both for getting nominated

sinead276

Congrats to both of you for being nominated - 2 very deserving posts

Laura_tigger82

I can confirm neither of you has 0 votes!! Both of you have more than 0 votes (though I don't want to spoil the winner yet - we have until the end of the month for the winner to be decided )

Laura_tigger82

Although you are all winners in our eyes and I would like to say the two nominees have certainly won there can only be one winner each month (otherwise I wouldn't be playing by the rules of the post of the month ).

The winner is... drum roll please... @CaniceQ. Thank you for providing extra wonderful support at such a difficult time and being brave, within that, in sharing your own experiences

JJLemon18

Congratulations @CaniceQ!! And thank you!
And congrats @kaii for the nomination!

Amy22

Congatulations @CaniceQ for winning post of the month!!

And also well done to @Kaii too for being nominated you have both done very very well

kaii

It was an honour being nominated!! Congrats for winning post of the month @CaniceQ!!

ebyrne556

well done to both! such lovely supportive posts