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Sorry for apologising
JJLemon18
Community Champion Posts: 2,061 Boards Champion
I wanted to explain myself with something as this has been bothering me for a while now. I apologise for absolutely everything. I'm sorry for not responding, then I'm sorry for writing too much. I just keep apologising. And I'm sorry about that...
But seriously, I think this may be because of all the judgemental people that I have been surrounded by my whole life, from family and friends to people in school. Everyone around me always kept making fun of everyone else. My mum was struggling with her mental health and I told her to maybe go see a therapist, her response was "no, I don't want people to think I'm a psycho", and I was going to a therapist at that time so this kinda hurt. More recently my dad saw a guy talking to himself and he called him a 'weirdo', I tried explaining to him that he's not weird he's just ill, my dad didn't care. So as I grew up with everyone talking like this, it made me believe that everyone else thinks and talks the same way about me too (and that's not mentioning all the times people made fun of me). I never really had anyone who told me that this stuff is okay. Now I keep thinking everything I do is wrong in some way and it makes me feel bad. Saying sorry is a way for me to feel less bad I guess.
Its stuck to me so much that even now when people say something good about me I don't take it seriously, I think to myself 'its not true, they're just being nice'. And I still think I'm annoying and you all secretly hate me lol.
So yea, that was me explaining why I will keep on apologising haha. What do you guys think about this?
But seriously, I think this may be because of all the judgemental people that I have been surrounded by my whole life, from family and friends to people in school. Everyone around me always kept making fun of everyone else. My mum was struggling with her mental health and I told her to maybe go see a therapist, her response was "no, I don't want people to think I'm a psycho", and I was going to a therapist at that time so this kinda hurt. More recently my dad saw a guy talking to himself and he called him a 'weirdo', I tried explaining to him that he's not weird he's just ill, my dad didn't care. So as I grew up with everyone talking like this, it made me believe that everyone else thinks and talks the same way about me too (and that's not mentioning all the times people made fun of me). I never really had anyone who told me that this stuff is okay. Now I keep thinking everything I do is wrong in some way and it makes me feel bad. Saying sorry is a way for me to feel less bad I guess.
Its stuck to me so much that even now when people say something good about me I don't take it seriously, I think to myself 'its not true, they're just being nice'. And I still think I'm annoying and you all secretly hate me lol.
So yea, that was me explaining why I will keep on apologising haha. What do you guys think about this?
Believe in me - who believes in you
7
Comments
I think that you have so much potential and that you have a lot of self doubt. I get over apologizing, I used to do it too. But you are worth being heard, of being understood. It sounds like you apoligize to make yourself feel better which is I guess good, but it also puts yourself down by claiming fault for something that isn't your fault..
About that last part, you're not alone in that stringline of thoughts. People are all or have felt that way at some point in time. And more often than not, the people are so focused on what you think of them to be distracted by what they think of you. We live in an overly self-conscious generation.
I completely understand this though, I just kinda feel like everything I do is wrong and I just wanna make people happy so they like me and don't judge me and don't think I'm a weirdo. George said I need to 'grow a spine and tell people to fuck off' lol so ig u need to do that too xD
Sorry to hear ur parents and ppl around u say stuff like that. They prob don't evem mean it to sound so horrible it just kinda slips out but yeah I understand completely, my parents say the same sort of stuff and sometimes it's even kinda racist and I just kinda sit there silently and don't know what to say. Idk but yeah I feel the same. Just try to remember if it was me doing all those things for example u wouldn't be like 'xee ur such a bad person everything u do is wrong', so don't say that to urself either!
And i can't speak for everyone else but i promise ur not annoying and i defo don't secretly hate you
I've heard humans are the only self conscious beings on earth, like you don't get a cat overthinking whether they did a good job of knocking an object off the shelf lol. At least its nice knowing its not just me thinking like this.
@Xee The title is great isn't it xD
But yea, I totally need to learn to stop caring about what others think about me, I'm just unable to say 'fuck off' to someone you know, I'll feel bad about it for the next month at least!
Sorry that your parents say this sort of stuff to you
How do you know?
I'll take your word for it
But it's also good to remember that those who do judge others tend to do so because they don't know much about mental health, or perhaps only know about myths and stereotypes. Other times people make harsh judgements because deep down they are struggling with mental health but may be in denial (as in, when you suggested to your mum to see a therapist when she was struggling and her response was she doesn't want to be seen as a psycho...it may be that she didn't understand therapy and who goes to therapy but that she might not necessarily have seen herself as someone who was struggling, even if you and others around her did). Remembering that judgements come from lack of knowledge or denial can be helpful if you worry that others may judge you too. It becomes less personal in a way.
I sometimes apologise unnecessarily too and a tip that my therapist gave me was to stop and think about whether I really need to apologise. It's okay to not respond, or to write a lot, to keep things brief or go into lots of detail. You don't need to apologise for any of these things
It's important to recognize that the negative beliefs and self-doubt you've internalized may not reflect reality. The way others perceive you and the way you perceive yourself can be influenced by various factors, including past experiences and the environment you're in. It's possible that people around you genuinely appreciate you and see your value, even if it feels challenging to accept or believe it.
Try to surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who can provide a more positive and accepting perspective. With patience, self-compassion, and the support of others, it is possible to develop a healthier and more positive self-perception.