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Year ago today

Past UserPast User In a holePosts: 0 Just got here
The user and all related content has been deleted.
Chloe234indievioletsinead276JJLemon18yanaCaniceQlibbystrawberry

Comments

  • mk1881mk1881 Posts: 131 The Mix Convert
    @Morgyn007, I'm so proud of you for sharing this and the journey that you've taken to get to this point. You are so worthy of love, of being understood and of being taken the time to truly know. I'm thankful that you're still here. That you chose to stick around no matter how hard it's gotten. You are brave. Sharing the happiness and importance of this day. Sending hugs <3
    "But our lives will only ever always Continue to be A balancing act That has less to do with pain And more to do with beauty." -Shane Koyczan
    Past User
  • yanayana Community Champion Posts: 1,266 Wise Owl
    I'm so proud of you for getting through this year!! You're doing really really well. I've barely even been here compared to some others who have been a part of the mix community for years but in the time I have been here I've learnt that you're such a lovely person and ik you don't think so rn but I promise you deserve all the happiness in the world. You really should be so proud of yourself, you're doing so so well. If you wanna talk more feel free to pm me :) Sending lots of love <3
    my brain is not braining the way brains are meant to brain
    Past UserJJLemon18mk1881IainJammyboy
  • mk1881mk1881 Posts: 131 The Mix Convert
    @Morgyn007, I know it's hard and you've made it through so much. You probably wanna give in but you've come so far. Don't let that be a waste. You deserve to be and even when you don't wanna be here I do. And I know that there are several other people that want you here too.
    "But our lives will only ever always Continue to be A balancing act That has less to do with pain And more to do with beauty." -Shane Koyczan
    Past User
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,788 Extreme Poster
    Hey @Morgyn007, what a thoughtful post! Thank you for sharing this. I can imagine it's been quite the journey over the past year, and I know that we've really loved having your here - your contributions and support on the community here have been really appreciated! Here's to many more years on the up :)
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with questions or concerns.
    Past User
  • marcellus_beauregardmarcellus_beauregard Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    @Morgyn007 That friend is truly a wonderful person. I am happy that you have met someone like that in your life and that you are glad that they helped you. I know you mentioned above that you wish you weren't here. I do relate to that. Sometimes I think things will be easier if I just did not existed. However, I would not know of the concept of 'easiness' if I didn't exist because that's a human concept and not existing means you are not human just nothingness. Therefore, I like to think that well, since I am here I should make the most out of my human nature and achieve what I can. This is my personal philosophy so you can just ignore this if you disagree. But hey, I am always here if you want to rant or need a friend or so. My messages/dms are available.
    mk1881
  • marcellus_beauregardmarcellus_beauregard Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    Morgyn007 wrote: »
    [deleated so cops dont get called]

    It is fine. You do not need to share anything. But I would like to let you know that I am not the type of person who suddenly calls up on the cops because I understand that fear. I get scared that if I overshare with people like the university staff or my counsellor that something could happen to me/I will be reported to a service and I do not want anyone to do anything that goes against my will. Therefore, I truly understand what you are feeling and this lack of trust (something I still struggle with to this day). You do not need to believe me. I get it. The only reason I am responding to this is because being compared to people who just call the police and not consider how the other party thinks about it, is so low and disgusting. No wonder this world lacks trust in one another. Overall, I hope that whatever it is, that you are doing okay although this saying is so normalised.
  • yanayana Community Champion Posts: 1,266 Wise Owl
    @Morgyn007 please keep yourself safe, we all care about you so much <3
    my brain is not braining the way brains are meant to brain
    mk1881
  • yanayana Community Champion Posts: 1,266 Wise Owl
    @Morgyn007 we really do care. is there anything I can do to help you? would calling a helpline help you maybe?
    my brain is not braining the way brains are meant to brain
  • yanayana Community Champion Posts: 1,266 Wise Owl
    @Morgyn007 my pms are open <3
    my brain is not braining the way brains are meant to brain
  • marcellus_beauregardmarcellus_beauregard Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    Morgyn007 wrote: »
    dunno. no the mix will call police, samaritans are useless, childline will call police, shout dont work with my phone @Xee

    Again, I completely understand this. I really mean it. Because you fear the worst and so do I, I would agree that it is too risky to say anything. Yet I understand too that you feel the need to say something because keeping it all in is so exhausting and is taking a mental toil on you.

    I need some time to think about how we can both meet at the middle. What I mean by the middle is that of having a safe place where you can open up without anyone calling the police or services on you (unless you committed an evil act upon another person like murder). You deserve the right to express yourself without being called by anyone. I understand that us as peer supporters in the community must follow the rules however, I have another role and that is of an improver of social systems. I do not want to break the rules set for me but I do not want anyone to suffer in silence because of there being systems that forces someone against their will to be sent somewhere else. I get why systems like this are in place because they are concerned but this concern should be an agreement between both parties. It is your decision and life too.

    When I was scared that someone might call someone on me, it was when I wanted to reveal my darkest thoughts and experiences. People get too easily scared by such things (I guess 'cause they live a pretty nice life without such great pains) and sometimes I wish people can just listen or help me out without calling some service on me. Luckily this fear helped me avoid ever having to experience the police being called or some other service. So, your fear is helpful to some degree. But I guess I didn't suffer in silence too much because I have a twin who knows exactly how I feel and I feel blessed by that fact. I know she won't report me because she understands and she helped me get through it all. Therefore, I believe you need someone like that. Someone who understands and can help you get through it without calling the police or whatever on you. Someone who you can trust and do not feel like you are in a pool of fear. Someone who can be your confessional booth (if I could put a metaphor to it). Allow me to be that person. My messages/dms are open.

    mk1881
  • marcellus_beauregardmarcellus_beauregard Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    Morgyn007 wrote: »
    @marcellus_beauregard im done being a burden to everyone, I cant cope with this or anything anymore. Ive been the therapist friend for years and that's still the way and it always will be that way.

    I cant open up a lot to anyone on here, I have bad trust issues and nothing is ever kept a secret, it's always revealed in some way to the point that I barely say anything about how I feel and stuff to anyone.

    I understand. I do relate on being the therapist friend to others but also to my family. I too have really bad trust issues. I can talk about how I might be feeling on the surface a little bit but I don't want to go in detail. I have gotten used to opening up a bit more online but still I can't really trust anyone. I do not want to force you to open up because that would be entirely coerced and deception upon your true desire. I want to find a way for you to trust people but I think trust starts by getting to know someone deeply and their morals and such. Only then you can know that you can trust them. It is a difficult process especially considering that both of us are dealing with terrible crap that others don't in a daily basis. I will keep trying... I will report to you if I can think of some ideas. I do not want you to be afraid of hiding yourself nor do I want anyone to report the police or services on you because you need to be yourself and release the dark thoughts within you without concern.

    There is a lot of things in my mind now and my chest feels like it has been shot by an arrow. It hurts so much and I am trying to get my mind off things. I am playing a game called Project SEKAI and I can relate to some of the characters and what they are dealing with. There is a new event that came out today but on the JP server. There's this one character who is hiding herself from her parents and she fakes who she is in school and to others too because she is afraid of being a burden to others. However, she feels empty and hollow. She wants to give up. For such a game, to create a character so dark is so brillant because most people get scared of that. I do not know if you like playing games at all but if you do I would recommend this.

    I won't give up and I will keep going and find a solution to this.
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,204 Part of The Furniture
    Couldn't help noticing the discussion about the police, so thought I'd explain The Mix's position on that for anyone reading. I've spoilered it so I don't interrupt this wonderful convo too much. :)
    Generally speaking, we involve emergency serviecs if we believe there's an immediate risk to your life (or someone else's life). When it comes to mental health crises, that tends to apply only if you have a plan to end your life in the immediate future, or if you've recently acted on a plan and we believe your life is still at risk.

    This is different to feeling generally suicidal when you have no immediate intention to end your life (sometimes called being 'passively suicidal'). We view this very differently. So we don't usually involve emergency services if you share that you feel suicidal, that you don't want to be here, that you want to end it (these posts are quite common here). Unless we believe you also intend to act on that.

    Full details can be found in our confidentiality policy. :)

    @Morgyn007 I hear you don't want to speak to crisis services, because of what they might do and because they don't help in the way you need them to. That's completely valid - they won't always be the right option for everyone and you should do what's best for you. :)

    If you're not feeling safe right now though, I'd at least encourage you to not be alone with your thoughts. That could mean being with friends or family, sitting in a public place, being around or chatting to people online, or whatever does that for you.

    In case you change your mind on speaking to crisis services, I've copied some info below to save you some clicks. You deserve to be cared for, and they're there if you need them:
    Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
    Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email [email protected]
    Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email [email protected]
    Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
    Childline | call 0800 11 11
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
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