Excluded

Willow

So I have been at this job for over a year now. It has great benefits. One could say it is very much my dream job. I work in a male dominated environment. All my colleagues are male around the same age as me or in the 30's. There are females in the office but not in the same department as me and don't do the same job as me so there are females at the company but no females in the department I am in doing the type of job i an doing. I do get on with the males that's not the issue, I don't think they get on with me. Some of them mansplain stuff to me. Belittle me or gaslight me. Personally I think it is my gender but no one made a comment about that. I found out that there's a work group chat I am not in. I get slightly different tasks to do than my colleagues despite having the same role. I have raised it with my manager (whose male). Not in the way that says I'm being treated differently cause I'm a girl but like listing responsibility I want to be apart of and saying that my colleagues don't listen to me or appreciate my level of experience.

I knew that going into a male dominated career would have its challenges but I wasn't expecting it to feel quite so extreme

I feel really excluded and feeling more and more excluded because the 2 males I could talk have left or are leaving.

I don't want to change jobs as I will never get one with the salary and benefits as this one but I am starting to get really down about going to work 😔

BensonE

Willow I know the feeling

I work in a female dominated career and I do feel like I get things explained to me like I'm a idiot although I have more experience than they do in that field of work and its soo annoying

libbystrawberry

@BensonE so ppl underestimate u?? well they dont how much flipping experience u have.

Terry8936

@Willow I'm sorry to hear that you're facing challenges and feeling excluded in your current job. Dealing with gender dynamics and feeling marginalized can be tough. You can consider some methods to improve your situation:

1. Consider having a more detailed conversation about how you're feeling excluded and not appreciated by your colleagues. Be specific about the behaviors you've noticed and the impact they have on your work environment.
2. Seek support from HR If you continue to face the issue
3. Develop a support network within the company. Look for allies or mentors within your organization who can offer guidance and support.
4. Enhance your skills and knowledge. Building your expertise can increase your confidence and credibility.

Remember to take care of your mental and emotional well-being. We're here to support you

BensonE

libbystrawberry wrote: »

@BensonE so ppl underestimate u?? well they dont how much flipping experience u have.

Pretty much and they don't like all the changes I'm making which actually are beneficial to young people development

All my colleagues are teachers by profession so it's very different

emiip98

Hi @Willow that sounds really tough I'm sorry that you are having to experience this. Its tough feeling undervalued especially if you are made to feel its just due to your gender. I know you have said this has been discussed with your manager but I would maybe try raising this again and if an acceptable outcome is not agreed then you can always escalate this to your HR department. I hope this starts to get better for you soon and we are always here for support

Willow

Thanks everyone for the support and stories. Sorry to hear this is happening to others as well.
I started gathering evidence that while it doesn't target my gender but evidence or a log when I feel that I am being mistreated or disrespected and then thinking when i have enough to present this to my manager and if that doesn't work then present it to HR.

HR will be difficult as we are a company that have has thousands of workers. I have never met a single person for HR so don't know what there environment is like there.

I have also noticed in my evidence that one particular individual is always on my back. We work at the same level and he seems to always want to be condescending and feels like he is better than me and likes to constantly say that to me in some way. Its harder with this individual as he is good buddies with the manager. While I know they can't take sides so to speak i feel like he might come back with some excuse for his behaviour rather than address it.

Does anyone have any tips of how to best phase this kind of situation to the manager? Condescending, belittling and patronising behaviour?

Laura_tigger82

It sounds positive that, despite how difficult this is, you have a clear idea of your next steps and how you would action this moving forwards @Willow. You deserve to feel like people are with you on your level, rather than always "above you".

Your feelings are valid and you deserve to feel how you feel. If you feel like he might excuse the behaviour, rather than address it, is there anyone else you would feel more comfortable talking to? I can hear how important addressing it is to you

Willow

Hello,

Thanks for the message I feel like I know what I need to do which is gather evidence but struggling to confront my manager about it as this week he started to treat me differently. Within our company there's a policy called flexible working where you can submit a form to ask to change your hours. I want to change mine working and half an hour earlier and leaving a half an hour earlier. Anyway I thought this might be possible as someone else in the team does these hours however when I asked my manager it was a flat out no. I hadn't submitted a form yet I was more just asking in advance as my partner can drive now and can get himself to work.

His reasoning behind the other guy being able to start and leave earlier is because our old manager let him and gave him permission. I still don't see how that is fair. Especially when there's a policy saying we have flexible working.
It's a half an hour difference. Other people with the same job title as me but in a different department get to work from home I feel like there is so much restriction for me personally.

Azziman

Hey @Willow, I can hear your frustration, and your feelings are completely valid. You deserve to be treated fairly like the other employees, and it's sad to hear how you feel this is affecting you. Collecting the evidence is a sensible approach to take, so that you have examples to back you up when you discuss this. I'd also keep a record of conversations you've had where you've tried to raise these concerns (e.g. with your manager), so that you can demonstrate that you tried to resolve this but didn't make any progress.

I'd agree with @Laura_tigger82 - it's worth trying to speak to someone who you feel more comfortable with, and who you feel would be more receptive to your concerns. Some firms will have a person that you can go to to talk about these concerns if it can't be discussed with your manager, so that they can give a more objective view of the situation - it would be worth looking to see if your firm has that in place. Or, the company might have an external contact for these kind of concerns. Failing that, HR is probably the place to go to raise your concerns.

I really hope that whatever action or discussion you take, that it helps you to feel like you are fairly treated and listened to, because you deserve that. We're here to support you through this

Laura_tigger82

The really difficult thing about “flexible working” is that everyone’s definition is different and is different between different settings and between different managers @Willow. I can really hear how this feels unfair for you though – as all you wanted was to change it by an hour and a half. Might you be able to find out why you are unable to move it by an hour and a half?