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In a holePosts: 0 Just got here
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hope this helps
Of course, you want him to be happy, which is very kind of you Nevertheless, your desire to this matters equally as much to. If you feel scared that can be a normal part of having sex (consensually) for the first time, especially after the pain you have suffered in this life. However, if this fear feels strong, and especially if it feels stronger than the excitement/stronger than minor nerves, it might be wise to wait until you feel safer and more comfortable.
A hugely important question to ask yourself is, how do you feel around him?
Really happy to discuss this more if you feel up to it, Morgyn, remember your safety and consent always comes first
I'm hearing that this has been a difficult relationship for you. Nobody has the right to treat you in this way and so it sounds like you have done what is best for you in terms of breaking up with him. You deserve to be loved, cared for and supported in a relationship where you feel safe.
Although it is never easy breaking up from a relationship and I can see how this might still be quite raw and upsetting for you at the moment. How are you feeling since the break up? We are here if you'd like to share more .
I just wanted to flag some lovely support services who help people through difficult relationships, breakups, and relationship abuse. You can always reach out to them below:
I can understand how stressful this must be for you at the moment especially after breaking up with him recently. I know with breakups it can be hard trying to move on even if you still love the person you were with. It sounds like a lot to process at the moment and I'm here for you . I can see and understand why some people may have thought you were in an abusive relationship. I know I shouldn't assume but it sounds like your boyfriend was very toxic and didn't consider what you wanted in the relationship. Also the fact that he hit you also sounds abusive and not safe either. I know breakups can be very hard to go through and do even when you still feel a connection there with the person. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to or need support
Sending hugs,
Amy22
That doesn't mean that every element of the relationship is abusive. Even toxic relationships can have moments that are healthy or that we enjoy, and we might genuinely love that person. That means when that relationship ends, we might still need to grieve and process some heartbreak. But the behaviour you mentioned (him hitting you) is abusive for sure.
Something I will say though is that it can be really hard to see abuse when we're in that relationship. We explain it away, we justify it, we convince ourselves it's not really that bad, and we jump through all these mental hoops. It's especially difficult if the person being violent is good at manipulating us and convincing us that their behaviour isn't what is appears.
I know that labels like 'abuse' can feel like strong words to use, but it's okay to use them and recognise that type of behaviour when we see it. Again it doesn't mean the whole relationship was bad or that he as a person is evil, just that the bevhaiour isn't okay.
Understanding what terms like 'abusive' mean can be very complicated, especially when you're the one suffering through this kind of mistreatment. Often, when we love a person recognising and accepting that we are being abused is near-impossible no matter whether it's physically being hit, being called names (which is something called emotional/psychological abuse). This is because it's deeply confusing to consider that a person who says they love you could treat you in such an awful way. Others can identify the abuse more 'easily' because they aren't in the relationship and so do not have to deal with the stress of reconciling that love does not equal safety/respect in a relationship.
I am so sorry that he has put you through this, and left you questioning everything about the relationship, this could not be more undeserved. You are such a kind and loving person (and even if you weren't, no one deserves this) and to think that he took advantage of how compassionate you are is just awful.
In terms of trying to understand how difficult it can be to accept and understand what it means to have suffered abuse, this article has some important insights. The writer explains how lots of people do not understand just how difficult it can be to even recognise abuse. Huge TW for descriptions of abuse, drug use and suicide:
https://gal-dem.com/addicted-to-hurt-breaking-the-cycle-of-abusive-relationships/
Huge huge hugs, and I am hoping that some of the resources linked may be useful? Have you managed to have a look at all? xxx
Regardless, I am so here to talk about the process that your emotions take over time, okay? xx
How you respond to the message depends on what you want to do. If you're comfortable and want to reply, a simple message to reject his advance could work. But you don't owe a response, and if you don't want to or feel comfortable doing so, you can ignore the message if you like.
It seems like the new relationship is bringing you some happiness, what's this new person like? xx