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Very worried about psychiatrist appointment on monday
Past User
Posts: 0 Wise Owl
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You've done a really brave thing by sharing this with us. It sounds as though getting a diagnosis is important for you, Iain. Would that be fair to say? We hear what you're going through at the moment and, while we can't give a diagnosis, what we can do is say that your feelings are heard and valid. We don't think that your attention seeking.
I can understand that this appointment might be creating some anxiety for you. How are you feeling about it this morning? Do you have any idea of what the appointment might involve, and have you had an ideas of how you might prepare yourself for it? I know that some people have found it helpful to make a written list of things that they want to discuss or mention, so that they don't miss anything that feels important to them because of the pressure of the situation.
How are those voices feeling at the moment? Is there anything in particular that helps you to keep yourself safe when you can hear them? If you'd like to reflect on that a bit more with us then we're absolutely here for that.
I hope everything goes well on Monday, @IainJammyboy - keep us posted on how it goes and how you're feeling about it all. We're all with you
Take care legend,
Harry
I can also hear that this is a really confusing situation for you at the moment, and those feelings are completely valid. I hope that the appointment on Monday is helpful for you so that, as you say, you can begin to understand your situation. Keep us posted on how it goes and do just give us a shout if there's anything you'd like to chat through before hand - we're all here for you!
I completey understand the whole 'i feel like i'm faking it for attention' thing but trust me nobody thinks that you're being attention seeking, most of that is just in your head. And even if you are being attention seeking that isn't necessarily a bad thing. You deserve that attention and support and love, you're going through a lot! I felt like I was faking my struggle, or at least overexaggerating them, for a longgg time but yeah thinking about it that way is only gonna make it more difficult.
I hope the appointment goes well tomorrow! Let me know how it goes
Specifics aside, it's really clear from your post that you're not getting the support you need and that's not a nice place to be. You're doing well to open up here.
I'm curious - what were your parents' exact words?
It's really easy, especially when emotions are running high, for someone to say something and for it to be received in a different way. And I'm wondering whether you and your parents might be missing each other when you try and communicate.
I only say this because if those are exact quotes, those are extremely unkind things to say to someone in your position who's struggling, and you absolutely deserve better. I've been in similar situations though where I desperately needed someone to genuinely understand my pain, and when they couldn't, I catasrophised and read a lot more into what they were saying than they meant at the time. I don't think your situation is that bad can become This is all in your head - you're making it up when we're low and our brain isn't being kind to us.
That might not be what's happening for you and I understand that sometimes people are just... rubbish. If that's the case then I really feel for you, I just wonder if something more complicated might be going on here that's making it feel like everyone is against you.
I do want to reiterate though that it's obvious from what you said - regardless of all this - that you're not getting the support you need. That's something you do deserve.
It's good you’re aware that it isn’t depression or anxiety but yeah honestly this must be super frustrating with not even understanding what you’re going through. I didn’t understand what I was going through for like a solid year and to some extent I still don’t but I promise one day you’ll be able to understand yourself and these voices better and you’ll be able to work through it, hopefully with some support. Have you spoken to people at school? When I wasn’t getting much support the lady at school signed me up to talk to a counsellor at school and she was able to help me a lot even if it did take a while. Honestly I understand how frustrating this is and I’m so sorry you feel so hopeless about it. You really deserve some good support. But I promise promise promise you’re gonna be ok one day. Ik that’s kinda just what everyone says but you gotta think about the future and just keep going
As for becoming emotionally numb, how far have you gone with suicide attempts if you don’t mind me asking? Being emotionally numb is so odd. I’ve been going through a lot of dumb stuff and making stupid choices lately and I feel like my mind is so weirdly blurry and frozen, I’m not making choices like I usually would if I was feeling same (I hope that makes sense?) so yeah I understand. But something that helps me is that I try and talk to myself as if I’m one of my friends, so maybe u could try that? Like for example you might encourage yourself to do something harmful to yourself but if it was your friend you’ve never encourage that sort of behaviour. Idk if that makes sense or if you’d find that helpful at all but yeah.
I really hope things get better for you and that you get some support sometime soon. It’s really great that your GP, your brother, and your psychiatric nurse understand though 😊 Is there no way they could refer you to a different psychologist or something? If not then I guess just focus on the fact it’s a positive that you have them despite the fact their help is limited. As I said I’m here if you wanna ramble more, ramble as much as u want!
Oh also on an completely unrelated note it isn’t sad or embarrassing about hugging a teddy bear lol, I have this teddy I’ve had since I was a baby and I can’t sleep without him, I always cry to him and carry him around and everything, I love him very very much and he provides me with a level of comfort that no one else does so I understand
I can really hear how sometimes calming those voices is the most important thing and it's good to hear that you're not feeling like you want to die anymore.
It's also really great to hear that you're reaching out to professionals who can help you manage the voices.
Keep reaching out and using this space to talk, we know how helpful it can be
I'm hearing that these shadows feel like a constant in your life and sound really threatening and upsetting. You mention that they love to push these difficult thoughts into your head. I wondered if there is anything that helps you to take the power back from/say no to the shadows' voices?
I know you mentioned that you can distract yourself through playing music which is just lovely to hear as I know how much violin means to you. With you only having once a week to do this, I wondered if listening to music at home may help to distract yourself from these thoughts too?
I know you are going through private healthcare and seeing a psychiatrist soon- sounds like things are looking up on this front, and you are hopeful that you will get the support you deserve through them, rather than the NHS. If you are feeling worried about getting everything across to them, I wonder if you could have a go at writing down what you would like to say, as notes to take with you. You have done so well explaining this to us, so you could always just copy and paste some of what you have written here.
The important thing to know is that there is support out there for hearing voices. Mind have a list of support services on their website for those who are hearing voices: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/hearing-voices/useful-contacts/.
It can be really hard when the voices are telling you to harm yourself, do you feel able to say no to what they are telling you to do? If you ever feel like the answer to that question may be no, we would encourage you to seek support from these lovely services below: