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Difficulty dealing with the 'shadows' around me

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It is understandable that you feel tired of fighting, but you need to remember it always takes time and effort, and I believe you will get better eventually. Take care of yourself and reach out for professional help! You deserve to feel safe and supported!
That's so annoying, that sucks. Sometimes when I have no one to talk to or text I ramble and write as if I'm gonna send it to someone and it helps so u could try that?