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I finally talked to them

Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,017 Community Veteran
in Sex & Relationships
So a while ago I posted about how quite recently I realised that the relationship that I had with my boyfriend/partner was slim due to me being busy and doing a lot of college work. I decided this week to send them a voice message on Instagram to explain that even though they really liked me, that at the moment we should stay as friends. I don't know, I think I felt this way because with my boyfriend they were always pushing and rushing our relationship too fast especially when we first met and they just saw me and asked me even though I didn't know much about them. I keep thinking was this the right thing to say to them as I don't want to upset them as I know that they really liked me even though I liked them as a friend, (ok maybe there were some parts of them that I really really liked) but I felt like it would be better if we stayed as friends due to my work load at the moment. They seemed okay with me talking about it to them but in their voice message I think they seemed a bit upset and now I'm feeling a bit bad. Maybe I should have stayed with them and then I woulden't have gotten myself into this mess. Sorry for the rant to be honest. My parents also know about this too and they suggested that we'd be friends.
Just a person who likes pop culture and films

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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    You have done so well sharing this with us @Amy22. How are you feeling after sending your boyfriend/partner a voice message on Instagram?

    It is really important and positive that you are able to recognise and express what you do and do not want, not least when you also have other pressures at the moment.

    How are you feeling about what your parents suggested at the moment? We are all here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us <3
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    Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,017 Community Veteran
    Laura_tigger82 wrote: »
    You have done so well sharing this with us @Amy22. How are you feeling after sending your boyfriend/partner a voice message on Instagram?

    It is really important and positive that you are able to recognise and express what you do and do not want, not least when you also have other pressures at the moment.

    How are you feeling about what your parents suggested at the moment? We are all here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us <3

    Thank you so much. I guess it was one of the things I had to do. I guess at this moment of time I probably wouldn't have been best for them so I guess maybe I was saving them for feeling bad or something I don't know. The truth is I'm terrible at commitment and like relationships don't come easier to me. I guess my parents knew that we just friends. The thing was I wanted to take things slow but my boyfriend wanted to do everything quickly as soon as he met me really. I needed a rant really I guess idk.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    One of those things you had to do but don't always feel the best, am I hearing you right @Amy22? Your own pace is so important in relationships. You can always rant here, we are listening <3
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    Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,017 Community Veteran
    They were a really nice person as well but we really didn't do too much. We used to go to a local hub to play games and go for walks. But whenever I suggested seeing a film or doing something a little different, they seemed unsure about me treating them. I do feel bad though as I know that maybe they might be feeling bad.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    How did it make you feel that they seemed unsure about you treating them @Amy22? You can support them but their feelings are not your job to protect. It is just your job to take care of yourself and not intentionally harm and I am sure you have been lovely as always <3
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    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    RenPRenP Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @Amy22 thank you for sharing.

    Honestly, you did the right thing. It's natural to feel bad because you are only human and have emotions, but you spoke your truth, and although that truth may have upset them, I think trying to continue when your heart isn't necessarily in it would hurt them more in the long run. If you did continue the relationship, due to your workload you may not be giving them the time and energy they deserve too, and it may seem like a mess now but I think further down the line it may be messier because they're feelings for you could grow. Honesty can be really difficult but no matter how hard the conversation it will always be better for both parties.

    Take care <3
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    Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,017 Community Veteran
    RenP wrote: »
    @Amy22 thank you for sharing.

    Honestly, you did the right thing. It's natural to feel bad because you are only human and have emotions, but you spoke your truth, and although that truth may have upset them, I think trying to continue when your heart isn't necessarily in it would hurt them more in the long run. If you did continue the relationship, due to your workload you may not be giving them the time and energy they deserve too, and it may seem like a mess now but I think further down the line it may be messier because they're feelings for you could grow. Honesty can be really difficult but no matter how hard the conversation it will always be better for both parties.

    Take care <3

    Thank you I recently got a message from them on Insta and they did ask if after college we could get back together which is something I have thought about. But I'm not sure yet.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
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    RenPRenP Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @Amy22

    Thank you for sharing <3 can I ask, how did it make you feel when they said that? Do you think if you got back together things would be different?
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