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I don't know what to do
Former Member
Community Champion Posts: 1,294 Wise Owl
I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do. It's like no matter how hard I try, no matter how many positive decisions I make, I'm not ok. I ignore every urge, I do the right thing. I do everything I can. My life is so much better than it used to be. Everything should be good. My life isn't perfect but it isn't horrible anymore either. So why do I still feel like the world is caving in on me? I'm on antidepressants, and I have been for over a year. It's helped but the depression is still there. It's always ALWAYS there. It doesn't go away. Even when I'm having a good time, it's in the background. I know how to manage my stress and cope with my trauma but the depression just won't fuck off and I really don't know what I'm meant to do.
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Comments
Firstly,Its really positive to hear that your feeling that things are better than they used to be and it sounds to me that you are doing everything you can to help yourself feel better which is great so good job on recognising that. Its really positive also that you know how best to cope as well with your stresses and trauma.Im really proud of you for having steps in place.
Im hearing that the depression is still having a effect though. @Past User ’s idea of going back to your doctor may be worth it.They could up the dosage of your medication but they could mabye also suggest other things that could help you such as talking therapies or other medications/ a different one to you. Medication isnt always the answer though so best chatting through things a bit more with your GP.I know this could be quite nerve wracking though so mabye writing down how you have been feeling/ what you want to talk to them about eg medication,depression feeling hasnt gone away things like that as i always find it can help to keep the convo more focused but of course thiers no pressure whatever feels comfortable for you.
Sending you big hugs and we are here for you if you need
It seems as if you're going through a really unrelenting battle right now. It can be hard to see the light when it feels as if you're only surrounding by darkness. It's understandable that you might be feeling hopeless or defeated when it seems as if this pain never fully fades away.
As mentioned above, visiting your GP to review your medication seems like a positive next step to help make this more manageable. There are also the talking therapies such as IAPT, which your GP can refer you to, or you can complete a self-referral online. A quick fix isn't always attainable, but by accessing these resources and services, you will make good progress to reaching a point where you can feel some relief.
I am going to attach some resources below which might be of use to you:
https://www.depressionuk.org/
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/about-depression/
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/treatments/
https://www.thecalmzone.net/ (includes a helpline)
Let us know how you get on
Talking to your doctor or mental health professional about adjusting your medication or trying a different type of treatment might be helpful.
It's also helpful to prioritize self-care and take time for yourself. This may include practicing relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga, engaging in enjoyable activities, and making sure to get enough sleep and exercise. You can also consider to reach out to trusted friends and family for support or join a support group where you can connect with others who may be going through similar experiences.
Remember that healing is a process and it's okay to take time to work through your struggles. You don't have to go through this alone, and there is always help and hope available.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this.
I do believe overcoming trauma can be life-long, in the sense that you can get over something at one stage in your life, but then years later something could trigger you and it can bring it back up. These things can stay with us because what we have been through is a part of who we are, and will determine our behaviours and how we deal with things in later life. When you are going through depression it can seem like a constant battle, and it feels like you can go downhill so easily, but then takes so much energy getting better.
I know you said you have heard every suggestion and still feel the same, but what about more creative means of releasing these things? Like art therapy or movement therapy, writing about it? It's important for each of us to find our own individual outlet so I guess maybe ask yourself what makes you feel even the slightest bit good? Do you have any interests? You say you feel like you're failing in every aspect of your life, but how do you measure failure? What are you comparing it to? Our own internal monologue can be very damaging and we put ourselves down when we wouldn't call someone else a failure if they were to experience the same things and have the same outcomes. Try to be gentle with yourself.
I get what you mean about not wanting to go back to that place again, I have this too. When I was going through heartbreak it sent me into a deep depression and I was rock bottom for about 3 years, and I'm so worried now that if I allow myself to feel my emotions I'll go back to that place, but I realise by not allowing myself to feel my emotions I'm sending myself back there anyway. I get you completely, it's a scary feeling. I think it's a lot of pressure to put onto yourself to hold yourself together for your family in order for it not to deteriorate, because then you yourself could deteriorate.
You say you can only just survive one week without seeing your therapist so aren't sure how you will get through two. I understand this can be a scary thought for you. You have previously said that you know how to manage stress and cope with trauma, you have also said you understand yourself better. So, believe in yourself
I guess maybe there needs to be an element of acceptance. This can be a form of dealing with trauma. A way of healing. Accepting this is you, finding your outlet, your passions, the little things you get enjoyment from. It may not get better any time soon, but you are still here, and that is honestly amazing.
Keep persevering Xee
I hate the fact that this struggle could be life long. A part of me feels like I'm glad I've been through all of this because as you said, it's a part of who I am and it makes me the person I am today (not that I love the person I am today but I sure am a hell of a lot better than the person I was a few years ago). But I hate the fact this feels so endless.
I am quite creative, when my mental health was at its lowest, I wrote a book. I also write songs, at least once a day. On a bad day or an emotional day it's usually a lot more than one and I guess they do help even if some of them are shitty haha. But it's only helpful for like 2 minutes. So it doesn't make that much of a difference.
I know, I've tried doing this thing where I talk to myself as if I'm talking to someone else, like a friend. What would I say to a friend if they felt this way? I try to rationalise my thoughts and be kind to myself but I really can't help being so tough on myself. If I'm not tough on myself I'm gonna deteriorate so either way it doesn't end well. Maybe I'm just being really pessimistic right now. I try to always see the bright side in things and I'm usually pretty good at it but when I feel low I'm not me.
But yeah that isn't a bad idea, I could try to write one positive thing about myself per day. I'll end up running out of ideas or just using synonyms again and again but I guess it's worth a try. Someone has actually suggested it before but I kinda just never bothered but I might give it a go.
Again, tysm for your reply, I really appreciate your kindness
Im really sorry your mind is being unkind right now. Im glad you talk here though, you are not alone.
Someone once told me the most unhelpful word in the english dictionary is should. Theres nothing you should or shouldnt feel. I found that confusing at first. But minds are tricky things, our feelings dont always make sense but that doesnt make these feelings wrong.
It all sounds really frustrating right now. Sometimes i scream into a pillow case and pace around the livimg room with my headphones blasting. It helps with my anger at the situation. But i also try to remember to do one kind thing for myself. Youre a really kind and supportive person. Youve helped me. Dont forget to show yourself the same kindness. I know its tough but is there anything kind you can do, something as simple as watching your favourite movie or making yourself a chocolate milkshake (if you like milkshakes, it doesnt have to be a milkshake).
Big higs xee
You wrote a book - that's amazing!! I'd love to hear more about that if you are up for sharing? I'm also trying to write a book at the moment.
I think dealing with trauma is also about exploring who you are and learning to adapt and grow, learning what your triggers are, learning how to overcome obstacles, being gentle with yourself and knowing that you are strong.
You say when you feel low you're not you, what does it look like when you ask yourself what is me, who am I, who do I want to be.
Take care @Xee
Sending so many hugs. I understand how you feel about being alone. People can help but its you who are with your mind 24/7 it can feel overwhelming. But we are always here to listen. Im sorry we can't take away the pain but we are cheering you on. We care about you
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a really difficult time right now. If you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious, taking some deep breaths and focusing on the present moment can be helpful. Try to ground yourself by focusing on your surroundings and the sensations in your body.
It's also important to reach out for support from friends, family, or a mental health professional. Talking about your experiences and feelings can be a powerful tool for healing and processing difficult memories.
Remember that healing is a process, and it can take time. Be gentle with yourself and don't feel like you have to rush. Feel free to share if you need!