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Feeling down and upset
Creativeboy23
Posts: 268 The Mix Regular
Hello all.
Last Friday, a university staff member gave me feedback on my design portfolio, which I felt was given in a critical tone. It was like I was doing something wrong. It made me self-conscious of how I present work, and lose confidence with my portfolio. She did not acknowledge my effort, and that putting a portfolio together and presenting design work in it can be hard and takes practice. It felt condescending when she pointed out the errors, and like I was being told off for making them. It also felt that the errors were a flaw in my character. I shared with my mentor that her feedback affected me. He offered advice and said something like when I enter the industry, managers are not going to care about my feelings when they give me feedback. I did not think much about the comment at the time, but yesterday, it ended up affecting me. It felt very blunt and unsupportive. I was angry when I saw her and ended up feeling the same feelings I felt during the incident. I was affected most of the day. I left university feeling upset, and then I suddenly ended up thinking about relationships and feeling that I should not be thinking about one because of how I am feeling. I was feeling inferior to couples.
I understand feedback is meant to help me grow, but that does not take away the difficulty of receiving it.
Last Friday, a university staff member gave me feedback on my design portfolio, which I felt was given in a critical tone. It was like I was doing something wrong. It made me self-conscious of how I present work, and lose confidence with my portfolio. She did not acknowledge my effort, and that putting a portfolio together and presenting design work in it can be hard and takes practice. It felt condescending when she pointed out the errors, and like I was being told off for making them. It also felt that the errors were a flaw in my character. I shared with my mentor that her feedback affected me. He offered advice and said something like when I enter the industry, managers are not going to care about my feelings when they give me feedback. I did not think much about the comment at the time, but yesterday, it ended up affecting me. It felt very blunt and unsupportive. I was angry when I saw her and ended up feeling the same feelings I felt during the incident. I was affected most of the day. I left university feeling upset, and then I suddenly ended up thinking about relationships and feeling that I should not be thinking about one because of how I am feeling. I was feeling inferior to couples.
I understand feedback is meant to help me grow, but that does not take away the difficulty of receiving it.
Post edited by JustV on
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Comments
How are you feeling about it all today? If you'd like to chat it through then we're absolutely here. I'm echoing @Xee - we all see the effort that you've put in.
Hey @Creativeboy23 - it sounds like receiving the feedback had its impact on you. It's not a nice feeling when someone is critical of our work when, as you say, we put in lots of time and effort into producing a good output - I don't think you're alone in feeling that. Having said that, I'd probably place in this into context - the staff member is pointing out errors in your work to let you know where you need to improve. That doesn't discredit the effort or time you've put into the piece, nor is it a comment on who you are as a person - you're still as awesome as before!
I know it isn't always easy to take critical feedback when it's put bluntly like that, but it's an important skill to learn to do so. University staff (and people in general!) may have different approaches in how they communicate their comments and we can't control that, but I'd keep in mind that the reason they want to do so is so that they can help you to improve your work and become better at the subject. What we can control is how we respond to it, and the best thing you can do is take it on and use it to improve your work. Take pride in what you've done well, and make it even better with these comments, so you can get an even better score next time
Hello @Xee, @HarryT and @Azziman.
@Xee and @HarryT, the feedback has still been affecting me, even though I am watching a programme to try and take my mind off it. I am going to keep trying to get through these feelings, but it is going to take time to and to take feedback.
Thanks for all your support and understanding.
it's important to remember that your self-worth is not tied to your portfolio or your ability to receive feedback. It's natural to feel inferior when seeing others in relationships, but it's important to focus on your own journey and not compare yourself to others. You are worthy and valuable just as you are, and you don't need to be in a relationship to prove that.
Hello @Laura_tigger82.
I have not been feeling good.
Before my Easter break, my mentor told me I need to be thick skinned when he reviewed a person's feedback upsetting me. His comment has stayed with me, making me feel I am supposed to suppress how I am feeling, when future comments upset me, despite the difficulty.
During some of the Easter holidays, I have been struggling meet all my demands, causing me to not get enough hours of sleep, which has been hard to talk to anyone about because I am afraid I will get lectured about my health.
I have been feeling that I am not liked, and ended up having suicidal thoughts. I have had some today again. It is hard to call the helpline the moment I am having them, as there is no privacy in the house. This makes me feel that people will think I am delaying talking about them, although I usually speak to SHOUT and CALM when I have them.
I have been having a memory of how a volunteer coordinator would always single me out.
My brother asked me if I am a man or a woman because I was upset, and I recall him saying men are not supposed to have emotions and other stuff, which makes it hard to feel difficult emotions.
I have also been feeling pressured to switch off my emotions before I get home because I am afraid I will be criticised, as my brother and dad have criticised me for feeling upset numerously. This has made me uncomfortable to open up about how I am feeling when something is on my mind.
I'm sorry you've been struggling and I see you've been having a difficult time dealing with criticism and with not finding the opportunity to comfortably look out for support using CALM or SHOUT. I'm glad you chose to reach out for help using The Mix.
Dealing with criticism can be very hard and i'm sorry both your brother and your professor are pushing you to express your feelings differently. Maybe doing something like journaling could help you process the negative feelings better and help you deal with them in a healthier way.
Would having some place you could use to get advice and write down your feelings when you cannot call CALM or SHOUT help? Here are some resources that could help you manage your mental health when calling helplines is not an option
There is a free mobile app called Catch It. It aims to help users better understand their moods through use of an ongoing diary and uses CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) techniques to help users manage negative thoughts. You can get it on the App Store (Apple) or Google Play (Android). You can find out more here https://www.liverpool.ac.uk/csd/app-directory/catch-it/
Every Mind Matters offers practical help and advice on how to cope with your mental health and looking after yourself. They offer support for anxiety, low mood, stress, sleep as well as advice for parents and carers on how to support your children and self care tips for young people. Their 'Mind Plan' is a function that offers support tailored to you. Their website is https://www.nhs.uk/oneyovoicesu/every-mind-matters/ . They also have a dedicated page, specifically about coronavirus and how to look after your mental wellbeing.
Let us know how you've been feeling
Sorry to hear u haven't been feeling too great. My easter break has been pretty shitty too tbh.
Being thick skinned can be really difficult, and while harsh feedback is something we can get used to over time it can still be really stressful and upsetting sometimes. It's human to feel disappointed or disheartened by negative feedback and I'm sure your mentor meant well but you aren't expected at all to supress your feelings. Maybe it was a bit of miscommunication? I'm sure he wants to support you but he probably just phrased it in the wrong way or had the wrong approach.
Have you tried doing something calming to wind down before bed? I know it sounds kinda obvious and it isn't always helpful but personally doing a bit of sudoku before bed really helps me because it distracts me from negative thoughts and calms me down. I know that sounds a little nerdy and probably a bit weird but maybe something similar could help u? Getting a good amount of sleep is really important!! Also please make sure you're trying your best to stay hydrated because that can also make a huge difference.
I'm sorry to hear about the way your brother and dad have been treating you, that sounds really awful. I hate the fact people still have the mindset that men can't be upset and emotional, it's such bullshit. Is there anyone else in your life who u feel comfortable opening up to? Any friends who you'd feel comfortable enough with? You don't even need to open up to them, you just need to be able to hang out with them without feeling like you need to supress your emotions or hide them in their presence. Also how old is your brother if u don't mind me asking? I'm just curious.
But it's great you've felt like you can speak to SHOUT and CALM for support! Maybe go for a walk and then you can call the helpline? That's what I do since there's also no privacy in my house. I just say I'm going to go walk the dog or something.
Again, sorry to hear you've been feeling so awful, I know it really sucks. But you're doing really well and you aren't alone, we're all here for you! Sending hugs
Hello @genderless_fungi.
Yes that may help.
Thanks for the resources. I will check them out.
Thanks for your help.
How have you been feeling?
Yes. I agree. I probably just misinterpreted what he said as negative.
No. I have not.
I hate the mindset too. It is not helpful. It only perpetuates the stereotype that men should not be upset and emotional, making many men keep their feelings to theirselves. My brother is 23.
Yes. There is a particular friend who I could also share how I am feeling with, but I am mostly comfortable with opening up on here, to the helpline workers on CALM, Kooth and SHOUT.
Thanks for the suggestion. I will to try that when I have any future suicidal thoughts.
Thanks for your support.
How have you been feeling?