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Self Harm? (Tw)

JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
(Mentions of self-harm. Be warned)
Hi. There is something on my mind that I was thinking about for a very long time and now I feel like it's the right time to ask about it. There is a lot of things I don't understand or don't know enough about so I might sound a bit stupid. (Also I hope this is something I can talk about here but if no then I am really sorry)

The concept of self harm is something I honestly didn't know existed for a very long time and I had no idea this is something people do. Although I still don't fully understand, I kinda see why people might do it but that's not exactly what I want to talk about now. I want to talk about what counts as "self harm" and what doesn't, I will try to be as broad as possible.
I'm sure that inflicting physical damage on yourself is definitely a form of self harm but I want to ask if self harm can be anything more than that. I am asking because I want to know if I am unknowingly self harming but I'm not even aware of it, as this could be something I could talk about with my therapist.
For example, is not caring for yourself classed as self harm in a way, such as refusing to eat, sleep or wash your teeth for example? Because in the end these things will cause "harm" to you if you don't do them.
Also this seems like a stretch but I still want to know, is mental self harm a thing? For example forcing negative thoughts on yourself to make yourself feel bad. Or another example may be purposefully putting yourself into situations that you don't like such as specifically going to crowded places while having social anxiety.
(Also I feel the need to mention that I am not saying I do all these things, these are just examples that I got from the top of my head so don't worry)

This may all sound extremely stupid and I may be overthinking as usual but I genuinely want to know. Sorry if this doesn't make sense.
Believe in me - who believes is you
Past Usermk1881

Comments

  • Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    JJLemon18
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
    Thank you so much @Morgan007 and @LorryTruck!
    So from what I can gather, for me its more destructive behaviours then, I will definitely talk to my therapist about them.
    There are a few small things I do that could possibly be classified as self harm but I feel like that's me overcomplicating it, I don't do them with the idea to cause harm, I just can't stop myself. I think they're more because of stress and anxiety.
    One example is me biting my lips, I do that too much :/

    Take care you two! If you need to talk about anything I'll be here too :heart:
    Believe in me - who believes is you
    Past User
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
    Morgan007 wrote: »
    also exercising too much is one too
    What about not exercising enough? No really right?
    Believe in me - who believes is you
  • Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    edited March 2023
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    Post edited by Emma_ on
    JJLemon18
  • Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    edited March 2023
    Edited, didn't want to break guidelines 😅
    JJLemon18Past User
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
    Edited, didn't want to break guidelines 😅
    Oh btw @Salix_alba_2019, I can still see your original message in my emails just so you know ;)
    Believe in me - who believes is you
    Salix_alba_2019Past User
  • RenPRenP Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @JJLemon18 none of it sounds stupid at all and it’s good to be curious and learn about these things especially if they are affecting you. I’d say self harm generally is physically causing harm to your body which could be a lot of things. Anything that is on your mind is worth bringing up to your therapist if you feel comfortable to :)

    Take care <3
    JJLemon18Past User
  • SpaceOtterSpaceOtter Community Champion Posts: 701 Part of The Mix Family
    Hi jjlemon. Ive been searching everywhere for an infographic i saw a little while ago but i cant find it anywhere. But if i remember correctly it talked about how self harm can more than just self injury.
    It can be replaying bad memories or discussions in your head, it can be denying yourself posistive things. And many other things too.
    Self harm can be a mental thing as well as a physical thing.
    Nothing youve said is silly and its great you feel so able to ask questions here.

    Sending lots of hugs.
    You're awesome!
    JJLemon18
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
    @SpaceOtter Thats what I was thinking! But now I'm a little confused. All of this makes me believe that everyone self harms in some small way. Or maybe its the idea of constantly hurting yourself on purpose, whether mentally or physically. But there are some people who self harm not knowing about it so I'm just confused. Maybe I shouldn't dig any deeper into this.
    Believe in me - who believes is you
  • Emma_Emma_ Community Manager Posts: 594 Incredible Poster
    The support in this thread is lovely, and it's such a difficult topic to discuss. I've edited some of the comments just to fit within our guidelines, we really appreciate all of your consideration when you've posted!

    Echoing @SpaceOtter here ( a beautiful comment <3 ) , I think when we think of self harm, it is often referred to as something physical, especially when we are discussing it in a medical sense. But I think as @LorryTruck mentioned above, there are aspects of self destructive behaviours that can fall into self harm. Self harm is to harm yourself intentionally, whether that is physical or emotional.

    It sounds like a really great thing to bring up with your therapist, and it's great to hear that is going well <3
    JJLemon18SpaceOtter
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
    @Emma_ Thank you so much!
    So from what I gather I don't think I self harm, which is good to know. Even though there are probably a couple things I do that could cause me harm, I definitely don't do them intentionally with the idea of causing harm.

    Thank you all so much for the replies! I understand this a lot better now.
    Sending lots of hugs to you all! :heart:
    Believe in me - who believes is you
    Emma_
  • MaisyMaisy Moderator Posts: 589 Incredible Poster
    Some of the things you mention, such as not sleeping, eating (providing it's not an eating disorder), washing or keeping up with hygiene, could be self neglect. This could be linked to depression or poor mental health in general. If done on purpose, then it may be considered self-harm. It might be neither of those things and instead it could be related to difficulties with executive functioning (planning and preparing and actually taking action to do things).

    Forcing negative thoughts on yourself could also indicate how you feel about yourself in a similar way to self-harming, perhaps mentally hurting yourself because you feel you deserve it.

    Putting yourself into situations you don't like is a tricky one. Are you being pressured to do it e.g. peer pressure to hang out? Or is it that you feel you should go out and do things, even if you don't want to? Sometimes it can help to go outside of our comfort zones but other times you may find that you are doing this because you feel you should rather than want to which may at times be harmful to you.

    Regardless of whether these things are self-harm or not, it's definitely worth talking to your therapist about <3
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    JJLemon18
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
    Thank you @Maisy!
    Maisy wrote: »
    Some of the things you mention, such as not sleeping, eating (providing it's not an eating disorder), washing or keeping up with hygiene, could be self neglect. This could be linked to depression or poor mental health in general. If done on purpose, then it may be considered self-harm. It might be neither of those things and instead it could be related to difficulties with executive functioning (planning and preparing and actually taking action to do things).

    Forcing negative thoughts on yourself could also indicate how you feel about yourself in a similar way to self-harming, perhaps mentally hurting yourself because you feel you deserve it.
    I had a small phase where I felt like I deserved all this but I am now past it.
    Maybe a bit of self-neglect on my side but at the same time I wish I could care about myself more, I know if I could go back in time I would change a lot of things but now it all seems so difficult (if not impossible) to fix.
    Maisy wrote: »
    Putting yourself into situations you don't like is a tricky one. Are you being pressured to do it e.g. peer pressure to hang out? Or is it that you feel you should go out and do things, even if you don't want to? Sometimes it can help to go outside of our comfort zones but other times you may find that you are doing this because you feel you should rather than want to which may at times be harmful to you.
    Well I'm kinda just giving examples, but something that comes to my mind is the fact that I joined a society and told myself I will go to a few events even though I know I won't enjoy them and might find the experience very stressful. And I'm going because I want to get used to talking to people and not because I want to have a bad experience.

    I will definitely try to bring some of these topics up with my therapist when I have the chance.
    Believe in me - who believes is you
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,066 Part of The Furniture
    You definitely don't deserve all of that @JJLemon18. It is easier said than done but it might be worth thinking about how you would treat someone you care about and love. We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to talk to us more about this. How are things looking for you this week? Hopefully, talking to your therapist will help.

    However, with the example you have provided, it sounds like you might be going through something unpleasant with the intention of seeking longer-term benefits. Am I hearing you right? Are there any events you might enjoy more where you could talk to people? <3
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  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
    Thank you so much @Laura_tigger82!

    I haven't had the chance to speak to my therapist recently, the next meeting is on thursday and it feels like such a long time to wait.
    However, with the example you have provided, it sounds like you might be going through something unpleasant with the intention of seeking longer-term benefits. Am I hearing you right?
    I guess you could put it that way. I'm forcing myself to leave my comfort zone so far that it could cause me mental harm in a way (idk how else to put it, this sounds so dumb). My comfort zone is real small, so small that I can barely tell where it is. I know that if I don't force myself to leave my comfort zone then I'll get nowhere, but every time I do I just end up regretting it and feeling so dumb. So I guess that's my 'mental self harm', me feeling bad for myself and cutting myself away from everyone.
    Are there any events you might enjoy more where you could talk to people? <3
    Honestly? No. The only place I'm comfortable talking to people is here, no one else understands me or cares.
    Believe in me - who believes is you
  • yanayana Community Champion Posts: 1,266 Wise Owl
    The only place I'm comfortable talking to people is here, no one else understands me or cares.
    I'm sure people care! <3 And I bet more people understand than u realise
    my brain is not braining the way brains are meant to brain
    JJLemon18
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,066 Part of The Furniture
    How did the meeting with your therapist go @JJLemon18? Glad you feel able to talk to us. We do hear you and care about you <3
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    JJLemon18
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
    How did the meeting with your therapist go @JJLemon18? Glad you feel able to talk to us. We do hear you and care about you <3

    @Laura_tigger82 I didn't explain any of this 'self harm' yet. I had a lot of more important matters to discuss for now, we ran out of time anyway haha.
    And thank you! It means a lot! :heart:
    Believe in me - who believes is you
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,066 Part of The Furniture
    Absolutely ok to prioritise things according to how you feel @JJLemon18. You also only need to discuss things you feel comfortable with when you are ready to.

    How did it go talking to them about the more important matters? We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with questions or concerns.
    JJLemon18
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