contentness

ellie2000

why am i gd now? why can i manage myself years on? im not conplaining but its scary, i rarely have oo-er moments, i did hav in the 'tw:' post. was it the samaritans tht made me open up more on tht call? was it a shock tht did it?

ellie2000

also why is it tht the manager of samaritans talk things though with u rather than tell u to go to hav a lie down

AislingDM

Such important questions @ellie2000 . I think after facing so much pain and trauma in your life it can feel really weird and 'out-of-body' to feel okay or even happy sometimes, not because you're not grateful or enjoying it, but because it's so different to the mindset and life you have lived for so very long. The oo-er moments you mention are important too because I reckon our bodies (as well as our minds) get used to being in reaction mode like prepared for another difficult situation or traumatising experience, so when that is gone, it's very confusing to us

This article on Mind explores it all better than I can explain:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/trauma/effects-of-trauma/

In terms of Samaritans, I think you are exactly right, their approach of listening and talking through pain with callers is simply fantastic. You are able to be in a space as free from judgement as possible, without people telling you what to do, how to act or what will 'fix' your pain. There is something quite relaxing about that, I reckon. I'm glad speaking with them has brought you some peace.

What do you think made you feel more okay again? xx

ellie2000

@AislingDM ppl used to say 'oh stop, change ur way of thinking' can tht b done easily wen someone/ppl had played mind games with u?
am i choosing to b in flight mode all the time? or is it not my fought?

ellie2000

why does 1 event make u do odd stuff in the future?

AislingDM

I think you make a fair point, don't get me wrong, I understand that for some people 'changing your mindset' can be lifesaving @ellie2000 , but for others it just feels dismissive of the pain we're in. Worse still, some people use this in a way to gaslight people. Which is beyond wrong!

This means, some people will try to make you feel bad for being sad or try to make you remember events differently from how they actually happened to you.

I think when people have made a lot of efforts to mess with your head and make you feel unsure of yourself, not only is it hard to trust others but it also makes you second-guess yourself, including when you feel 'more okay'.

I wonder if feeling okay is less fight or flight and more being at your 'okay' baseline, where life is less stressful and you can actually feel calm, rather than on alert 24/7. How does it make you feel?

In terms of the past affecting the future, I think our experiences definitely shape how we act later on, kind of like how our childhoods can affect us as adults. What's got you wondering about this? xx

ellie2000

@AislingDM I've been referred to Wellbeing service now I've moved. Why do I feel the same as i did in the other town sometimes? Wat do I need to figure out? I don't get the fuzzyhead feeling anymore b4 get uneasy.
I didn't no nurses worked with police on visits, since wen? Hearing they do now p***es me off.
Wats to 'gaslight people' mean?
Past events affecting future part:, wen u been through alot. U somehow lose track of the current day. U sortof get lost finding things u used to make u happy b4 wat happened to cause u to feel messy

AislingDM

That's a really positive step, trying to get familiar with the services in your new area is very important, because even if you don't need them right now, you never know when you or a friend may want/need additional support @ellie2000

I think a lot of it could be about trauma 'living in the body' so even though you have moved and that traumatic part of your life is 'technically over' that does not mean that your body forgets what it felt like and it can definitely cause you to feel depressed, anxious, distressed, terrified and any other confusing emotion. It sounds like it's all pretty confusing for you? especially because you were probably hoping this could be a fresh start of sorts?

Yes the police definitely can be involved during people's healthcare and mental healthcare appointments which can be very scary and make you question what right they have to be there. What upsets you about police involvement?

Gaslighting is a way to describe a type of manipulation where the person tries to make you remember events differently or cause you to feel responsible for an argument starting. For example, Person A could say "I'd be grateful if you helped around the house more" and Person B might say "well clearly you hate this relationship" and Person A says "No, I never said that" and Person B might then try to convince Person A that they are at fault for making Person B feel bad/guilty and that they are the mean one in the situation.

This article explains it in more detail:

https://www.verywellmind.com/is-someone-gaslighting-you-4147470

In terms of the point about life being messy after trauma, this is super true. I think a lot of survivors of trauma describe how re-finding themselves is really tough, because a lot of things you used to enjoy can become 'tainted' in a way, because it just reminds you of the time of trauma. Is there anything you struggle to enjoy now?

Huge hugs xx

ellie2000

@AislingDM I was hoping that once I'd moved all the distress of living would've gone away along with the weariness of people
Police r hard to handle, they like to change their minds alot. N leave u pulling Ur hair out, weather it's wat u report, weather they believe the perpetrator over u or weather they have u by wateva rule they've made up, stupid adults for lack of support, I felt I had to keep things quiet, coz the social worker told me to.
Tht morning the popo came to check I was alright after the post I posted they were very gd police r odd. But they didn't have a nurse at tht time, why r they doin it now?
It's gone now but I still need fixing coz somedays I feel like stuff is still ongoing n I'm not free
I started enjoying games more. And I'm gonna start to go out

AislingDM

Definitely, I mean it makes sense to think that coming away from a place where trauma happened would bring you more freedom and peace of mind @ellie2000 . Frustratingly, our minds rarely work like this and often we need more support than moving away, like talking about the pain of the trauma and understanding how and why it still affects you now.

Completely, I think a lot of people have good reason to be wary of the police, not least of all because of past traumatising experiences with the police, but also because you never know whether the law/rules will be in your favour. This makes trying to trust them all the more scary and challenging. This is especially true when you know that people can be biased to disbelieve the truth of what has happened to you.

That sounds like such an awful position to be put in by the social worker, to be told that you can't be truthful is very scary altogether and can make you feel very alone in your pain.

I'm really glad to hear that you're thinking of ways to try to keep pushing forward through the pain and live each day to its fullest, knowing what you enjoy (like gaming) and trying to be outgoing through going outside is very impressive. I'm really proud of you, Ellie