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Romantic Attraction
Amy22
Posts: 4,593 The Mix Elder
I've been meaning to post this for a while but have never got round to doing it. My query is to do with romantic attraction and sexuality. I'm currently in a relationship where I will say that I am very happy to be with the person I am with as they are very kind and caring. However, the person I am with, we tend to go out and go on dates. They like to give me a lot of pda (aka romantic stuff) which I don't mind but sometimes when we kiss, I don't know I don't psychically feel anything like most people would you know when doing something romantic. I have considered that there is a possibility of me being asexual in some way because I can't process this feeling. However, I do love the person I am with but sometimes the romantic side I don't mind but they like always want to do it, and there are days where I just really want to hang out and talk. Its funny too cause I recently saw them the other day and then the next day they said they miss me a lot, eventhough we do see each a lot so it's not like I'm too far away. Sometimes I can't always be there for them because of college and studying, I think that's why they miss me a lot. They are a very generous person. I think I wrote this because maybe I am romantically confused and I kind of feel like a not very good girlfriend at the moment as I haven't been able to see them as much. I don't know really, I think I just needed somewhere to post this.
Just a person who likes pop culture and films
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Comments
I wonder what led you to realise that he is more of a friend to you?
I'm not really experienced or too familiar on the topics but would like to say my own opinion if you don't mind.
From what you are saying I can tell you really seem to like each other, but I can't tell if its romantic or just a friendship because everyone is different and that really depends on how you both feel about it.
You mentioned that they don't want you to pay for things which I think is completely normal. Many people want to act nice by offering stuff and paying for it themselves as making someone else pay might seem like a rude thing to do for them. Although I believe people shouldn't do this too often. Every time I go with my family somewhere they will always argue with each other because they all want to pay for everything themselves, it is so annoying so I get why you feel this way.
You also keep mentioning how you feel like you're not a good girlfriend to them. It seems you feel like you're disappointing them in some way (which is a really nice sign that you care and don't want them feeling bad). This may not be the case at all. I know a lot of people (myself included) who keep viewing themselves negatively like they're "not good enough" or they "could do better" to the point where we stop seeing all the good things about ourselves. I think you should try to see the positives in yourself more, just like the lyrics in one of my favourite songs say "how can you love if you don't love yourself".
I understand if you don't want to, but do you mind sharing why you think they came to see you regardless of you saying you don't feel like meeting? Maybe they were worried about you so they thought to check up on you to make you feel better.
I feel like it would be best if you two talked about all this with each other.
Maybe they feel the same the same way as you, that is why they are trying to be so nice to you and wanting to meet up with you all the time which in turn makes you feel worse about yourself. I don't know of any relationship where both people put the exact same amount of effort into it, and I think that's alright as long as both sides are happy with it.
Anyways I'm writing too much haha. I hope someone can give you some better advice than me, AislingDM definitely said some wise words. Take care!
It makes a lot of sense to feel bad about all of this, not because you are a bad person or are doing anything wrong (at the end of the day, honesty is the kindest thing you can give them) but because it's so hard not to constantly blame ourselves when things are not working out the way we hoped/imagined they would.
I suppose, I am wondering, what are the main things that are stopping you from wanting to talk to them? (please don't take this question with any judgement, I'm just hoping we can talk out what kinds of feelings you're having about the prospect of having a convo with them).
Huge hugs xx