Work rant

M3GANx04

I started working as a waitress when I was 16. Since moving to university I had to move from a restaurant to what is predominantly a bar. They still serve food but don't do table service so I feel like I've gone from being an experienced waitress to a table cleaner.
After about 4 months of working here I've only just started to be given bar shifts, which I enjoy much more. My boyfriend and I have been working in the same place since we were 16 and both transferred to this new bar. He's been promoted to shift supervisor and I feel as though I'm trying really hard just to be shut down by management. I've expressed multiple times that I would love to move into supervising, I attend all the non-compulsory meetings, help out even when I'm not being payed and try really hard at work.
I'm very happy my boyfriend's been promoted but It's highlighted these feelings of being unappreciated at work. I don't want to leave as the location is very convenient, I get anxious starting new jobs and getting to know a whole new team, and I love working with my boyrfriend.
I guess I just wanted to talk about it as I don't really have anyone to rant too about this.

JustV

Good to see you posting for yourself @M3GANx04, I know you've been supporting others here a lot and it's important to make sure your own needs are being met too.

I really hear what you're getting at here - it's easy to feel a bit trapped in a job when you don't feel valued there but other factors make it difficult to leave. It's a tough situation and these things are good to vent about, otherwise they can feel all-consuming.

I'm not sure if you want solutions right now (feel free to say if you don't), but I don't suppose they've given you any reasons why you're being 'shut down' by management?

Depending on the workplace, you might be able to create a progression plan with them to get you into a more senior role over time. I know not every workplace does this though and it might depend how supportive they are towards their staff. I'm also conscious that sexism or other biases might be playing a part, as they often do with jobs and salaries etc.

M3GANx04

Hi @mike

Thank you for your response. Yeah I've always found that venting helps me personally. They've not given me any direct reasons as to why I cannot progress. It's just never really come up. It's just quite demotivating to not have any recognition for the work I put in to the company.
I have definitely considered that it might me a bias thing as I'm not your stereotypical managerial kind of person. I'm obviously a student, I have bright pink hair, piercings and am very open with my thoughts and opinions. I'm not willing to change who I am, but it does concern me sometimes that it may act as a barrier in the workplace. Maybe I shouldn't speculate too much about bias as they may have other reasons.

AislingDM

Hiya @M3GANx04

This sounds like such a frustrating spot to be in, not only because of working so hard and feeling deeply underappreciated but also navigating the complex feelings of joy for your boyfriend at getting this promotion but also wondering why you are seeming to be passed over for these opportunities yourself I'm glad the venting on here is useful because sitting alone with thoughts like this can be so overwhelming and isolating, right?

It must be immensely infuriating to work so hard, even beyond that which you are paid for, only to feel like people do not see your value. I think it's made all the more challenging when you haven't been given a reason for not moving up to supervisor, especially with your years of experience.

I do wonder if there is some truth to the stereotyping and bias point, because as we all know, people are often unaware of these biases and just how much they impact every aspect of their work. Some people have such strict ideas about what a manager should be and should look like and to be totally honest, people can be less keen about having women in management. So, each of these things could be impacting their perceptions of you, which is not a nice thing to think about either

I wonder then, do your boyfriend's and your work experience profiles differ at all? (not because this will be the reason for being overlooked, just to get a better understanding).

Either way, you sound like such a hard worker and I hope you know that we are proud of you regardless