Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Replaced

Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
in Sex & Relationships
The user and all related content has been deleted.

Comments

  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,103 Boards Champion
    Hey, sorry to hear how you're feeling :( What makes you say that?
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    edited September 18
    @Past User sorry to hear you're feeling this way, do you think this is something you'd feel comfortable speaking to your best friend about?
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    edited September 18
    That sounds like such a scary situation to be in @Past User :( drifting apart from the person who knows you the best and who makes you so happy must be extremely frightening and heart breaking, especially if it is not clear why this is happening.

    In some situations, distance developing can merely be due to life getting in the way, like being super busy with school or work and not having enough time to spend time with and support your friends. Equally, I know you're saying that you're anxious about this because you're actively being left out of conversations. This is such an isolating feeling and can make seeing/talking to your friends all the more daunting. Being around your best friend should (generally) be a really warm and positive time where you can be free from worries and so being apart from your best friend must be additionally painful when you lose the fun times you usually spend with them.

    It's no wonder you're feeling panicked and hurt by being left out, I certainly would too. I know talking to your best friend may not be easy, however if you can manage to start a conversation about how you feel that may ease some of the worries. If this does not feel like a reasonable idea (which is completely fine of course!) then there is always the possibility of trying to subtly reach out and make plans that you know they will enjoy. Like, if they enjoy the cinema, being like 'hey you free friday for ... movie'. I know it probably sounds like a silly suggestion, but sometimes the distance can form because the other person feels like you aren't as close as you used to be (which I am not suggesting you have made them feel) and something simple as an invite can get things back on the right track.

    I really hope things can start to make more sense for you soon, Morgan <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    edited September 18
    Truly, that does make a lot of sense, you have a lot burdening your mind right now and sometimes even the task of replying on snap can be so exhausting and your mental and emotional battery gets so drained. Plus, you make the important point about how sometimes we push people away to protect ourselves and our peace. Especially out of fear that building and maintaining these relationships can make things worse if the other person does not want to spend time with us or makes us feel low.

    I know we've talked a bit already on other posts about people having broken your trust massively in the past and in the current, and I was wondering if you wanted to talk a bit more about what makes you want to stay away from people to protect yourself @Past User ? xx
    Post edited by TheMix on
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    edited September 18
    I appreciate you giving me such a clear answer @Past User <3 As awful as your experiences have been, it's no wonder that you fear how people will treat you if you allow them to get close. Not only is there huge concerns about being abandoned or left behind, but there is also the feeling that 'you never know' when someone will turn on you and be a bully or simply fail in their duty to be a good friend. It honestly makes so much sense that keeping people at arm's length feels safer and more emotionally-manageable to you, Morgan.

    I know you have experienced so much anguish in this life and it will naturally affect the relationships that you have and sometimes just knowing that is okay, and you don't have to force yourself to try and change that if you're not ready, okay?

    Equally, here is a website that I have found helpful in simply understanding how betrayal and trauma impact our minds and bodies:

    https://thewellnesssociety.org/how-to-rebuild-trust-trauma-survivor/

    Huge hugs xx
    Post edited by TheMix on
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    edited September 18
    Yes, this is very true as well @Past User , whilst you want to be kind and gentle with yourself (i.e., give yourself time to process the trauma and figure out what it means for you) you also don't want to have to deal with the way it can affect other parts of you, like your social life.

    Wanting to be able to trust and build strong and enduring relationships is already a hugely important step, to be honest with you. Not everyone can admit that they'd like to be supported by others and feel completely safe around them.

    I know you talk about your social life being affected, which is such an awful thing to experience, I suppose I wonder, in an ideal world what is a 'good and trusting relationship'? xx
    Post edited by TheMix on
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    edited September 18
    That's more than okay @Past User , after so long facing mistrust and betrayals, it's hardly like you're going to have a perfect picture of a healthy, happy and totally trusting relationship <3

    Sometimes, even acknowledging this is important before you can start to think of answers to questions like mine.

    Maybe an easier way to put it is: which relationship in your life makes you the happiest? or which TV show or movie relationship makes you smile?

    xx
    Post edited by TheMix on
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    edited September 18
    I love that you keep everyone in your mind so much whenever you post @Past User <3 Thinking about how a person may react to TV shows is so critical and I don't think I truly realised it until I watched 13 Reasons Why with 0 TWs for all of the many graphic scenes :( You're such a beacon of light here, thank you.

    Ah, love that, having someone that makes us feel safe and loved is just the best, right? What makes those two relationships special to you?

    Also, I know we talked briefly at the end of the Support Thread on Sunday, don't think I've forgotten!! If you need anything, just let me know xx
    Post edited by TheMix on
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,307 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 18
    You are not dumb at all @Past User but yes, of course, you can ask what that means. It means you are a joy to interact with. For example, you are always kind and considerate.

    It sounds really positive that you are with a guy who is always so caring and has helped you through your SH, even when you weren't together.

    I can hear how you may relate that back to the programme. How is everything for you at the moment? We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,307 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 18
    You can 'wallow in self pity' for as long as you need to @Past User. Your feelings are valid and we are here for you and care about you.

    You have mentioned things aren't great at the moment. Would you like to share more with us about what this looks like for you at the moment? <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,307 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 18
    Indeed, it's not fair @Past User and I am really proud of you for recognising this. Have you recently been hit by another death then? :/

    Sending you hugs <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • UnknownUnknown
    This content has been removed.
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,307 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 18
    This is, absolutely, never your fault @Past User. No one can be responsible for another person's life, certainly not in the sense of how well or how quickly we can help them.

    I can hear how heavy this is for you at the moment though. We are here for and with you if you want to talk about this further and I wish to recognise your grief and bereavement <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
Sign In or Register to comment.