Having really bad intrusive thoughts and it's ruining my relationships

Brandon_LC

Hi guys


So for the past year or so, I've been having really bad intrusive thoughts, and that's why I broke up with my one year gf because those thoughts kept coming shed tell me I love you or I thought about you all day and I believed her but then after I went to bed I thought about what she'd said and it made me smile but then these little thoughts kept telling me why would she love you? She doesn't really love you, why would anyone love you? You're a joke all of those thoughts kept building up and I just couldn't take them anymore and it didn't help that I kept being told she isn't who she says she is so that added to those thoughts and I ended it and was devastated because I really loved her and I still do I should have told her what was going on in my head but I couldn't because I was scared of what she'd say.



Then we got back recently but the thoughts came back again, even though I felt ready to commit. Everyday has been the same thoughts am I worth it? Am I enough? I really love her so I'd never want to use her because genuinely, I'm not like that but this time I told her how I was feeling and I really should have kept my mouth shut cause I ruined it again these thoughts are literally tearing me apart, I keep smiling but on the inside I'm in pain, I'm not going to do anything stupid but I really love her yet these thoughts keep getting worse I've talked about this on another forum but it isn't helping idk what's going on with me I'm a literal mess now. I haven't told my friends or family about this because I don't want them to worry. My mom's going through a lot as it is my grandad (her Dad) and my Uncle (Her brother) died end of last year so I don't want to add anymore stress on her and I don't want to hurt my friends so I'm keeping it all in, I feel like a burden to everyone I'm struggling whilst trying to help my best friend out with her problems idk what to Do anymore.


Sorry for venting, but I really need to speak to someone

Libby_

I don’t know what advice to give but all I can say is hugs

Brandon_LC

It's ok I think Ill take a hug I think I need one right now ♥️

AislingDM

Thank you so very much for your bravery right now @Brandon_LC The strength it takes to put this all into writing is immense, and I am very proud of you for this! (also it's nice to meet you ).

It sounds like these intrusive thoughts are absolutely devastating for you, it's no wonder you're left so exhausted and that you went with the option of ending the relationship in the hopes that things would be easier and that your mind wouldn't be in constant turmoil When your mind is constantly throwing 'what-ifs' into your head it is completely overwhelming and inescapable and so it's no wonder you didn't feel able to continue to the relationship and it also makes a lot of sense that they've returned in full force since starting back up with your girlfriend.

From the sounds of things, you just want to be able to live a happy life with your girlfriend without worrying that you are hurting her, yourself or constantly being in a state of panic even though you are generally happy, right? I think the main question to ask is, have you felt able to open up to her, or anyone about how much this is paining you at the moment?

Also, I just thought I'd add this article from Mind about intrusive thoughts and how other people try to cope with them:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/dealing-with-intrusive-thoughts/

Finally, given how all-consuming these intrusive thoughts are, I am wondering if you have been able to gain any professional support with this?

Huge hugs xx

Brandon_LC

AislingDM wrote: »

Thank you so very much for your bravery right now @Brandon_LC The strength it takes to put this all into writing is immense, and I am very proud of you for this! (also it's nice to meet you ).

It sounds like these intrusive thoughts are absolutely devastating for you, it's no wonder you're left so exhausted and that you went with the option of ending the relationship in the hopes that things would be easier and that your mind wouldn't be in constant turmoil When your mind is constantly throwing 'what-ifs' into your head it is completely overwhelming and inescapable and so it's no wonder you didn't feel able to continue to the relationship and it also makes a lot of sense that they've returned in full force since starting back up with your girlfriend.

From the sounds of things, you just want to be able to live a happy life with your girlfriend without worrying that you are hurting her, yourself or constantly being in a state of panic even though you are generally happy, right? I think the main question to ask is, have you felt able to open up to her, or anyone about how much this is paining you at the moment?

Also, I just thought I'd add this article from Mind about intrusive thoughts and how other people try to cope with them:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/dealing-with-intrusive-thoughts/

Finally, given how all-consuming these intrusive thoughts are, I am wondering if you have been able to gain any professional support with this?

Huge hugs xx

Hi

Nah I'm not new here I'm awesomeminecraft6789 just on a different account but thank you!

And yes I do want to live happily with her, I just don't want to endanger it by just keep thinking I'm not enough I just hope that they won't last forever because I don't want to be thinking all of these thoughts forever as the relationship definitely won't last so I'm going to remain adamant and patient and just see how things go cause I don't want to make that same mistake again