I love him but is it enough?

Former Member

Im not sure where to start but my bf and I are about to hit our two year anniversary and I'm wondering where we are heading as a couple and my head is filling with so many doubts. We are complete opposites: he is extroverted, i am introverted, he is a night owl, i am a morning person, he's not very serious, i am too serious, the list goes on. I personally still feel like we are in a high school relationship and we are in our twenties now. He wants to look into buying a house and I don't feel like i am in that stage of my life right now. I want to focus on my career and get that off the ground, I want to get my finances in order. We are currently living paycheck to paycheck with BOTH of our jobs and no savings right now. He wants to get a dog, and I say we are not in the financial position to have a dog right now.
Now don't get me wrong, no one is perfect and he has matured A LOT since I have met him. Hes funny and kind, he is supportive, optimistic, and tries to be uplifting. I know he loves me and I love him but I don't think love is enough to hold us together. I feel like we don't have a lot of common ground aside from we both like video games but even that is rocky. We don't like the same games, which is fine. Right now the biggest conflict is that I DO NOT want kids EVER, but he does. I have told him that if he wants to be with me he needs to accept that as is not go through with the relationship hoping i will change my mind. Or he can find someone who is more open to having kids someday. He says that he will be happy without kids and wants to be with me but deep down I don't feel like that is true. He still plays with the idea of having kids someday.
All in all idk am i asking for a lot in just a two year relationship? despite the fact that I don't want things to end, should it? I feel so lost.

Former Member

Hi @aylokami, firstly welcome to the mix and well done for reaching out to the community, thats really brave of you.

I'm hearing that you are feeling doubt in your relationship and that you feel you and your boyfriend are complete opposites. That sounds really difficult. I would say the best advice in any relationship when struggling with things like this is to speak to the other person and discuss how you are feeling. how would you feel about speaking to your boyfriend about this? The Mix have article offering support on a variety of things including relationships, I'll attach the link here if you want to have a look https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships

Please keep us updated with how you are getting on, we're all here for you

Former Member

Hi @aylokami

Welcome to the Mix, reiterating what @jess63 said, it is always scary admitting you want help and advice so well done!

Please believe me when I know exactly how you feel as I was in the same position as you once. And it does kinda suck. Knowing you and your partner are complete opposites and are in different places is something so hard to accept, especially when you love each other so much. My advice would definitely be similar to @jess63 in that talking to your partner will really help. Also, it seems like you are both pretty set in where you are at this point in time, but maybe talking to somebody to help yourself understand why you feel a certain way can also help, I always think that trying to communicate with someone else when you do not fully understand yourself or why you feel a certain way can be damaging. Family members, friends, even work colleagues or even professional help like therapists, can all help give you an outside opinion and help you understand the situation more.

I hope you can resolve this however you see fit, wishing nothing but love for you 💕

Azziman

Echoing what's been said, but it sounds like you both need to sit down and talk about these. With kids, finances, houses etc, remember to work through these issues together as a couple, rather than work against each other. If you go with the former approach, you're much more likely to come to agreeable solutions and be even stronger going forwards