feeling bad for others

ellie2000

something hpns n i feel i hav to comfort whoever it is, how do i comfort myself without using distraction techniques

Former Member

Hello @ellie2000,

I hope that you're doing well and that the New Year is getting of to a good, or at least an okay, start for you.

From your message, it sounds to me as though you're wondering how you can take care of yourself when your also taking care of other people in your life. Have I heard that right, Ellie?

You've also mentioned in your message that you sometimes use distraction techniques to help you to cope with feeling bad for others - is that right? I wondered if you'd like to tell me a little bit more about what some of those distraction techniques are? Is there anything that you find particularly helpful, Ellie?

I'm also hearing that you want to try to move away from using those techniques, and I'm wondering if there's anything in particular that's making you feel as though you shouldn't be relying on them to distract yourself when things become a little bit much? Some distraction techniques can be healthier than others for sure, but it sounds to me as though you're quite aware of the things that work for you and help you to manage those difficult feelings which is a great starting point in exploring how you can manage your feelings going forwards.

Take care of yourself, Ellie, and we'll speak again soon.

See you around,
Harry

ellie2000

i only play games atm coz i dont hav keyboard, coz moving

AislingDM

Games are definitely a great way to put your energy and time into something else to be able to be free from such overwhelming thoughts @ellie2000 . And the other suggestions are great too!

I think coming onto your point about not just being distracted is important. At a certain point we have a need to confront our emotions and anguish rather than push them away into a box.

1) Some people find directly writing out their thoughts and emotions useful, so they are not ignoring them and letting them fester.

2) Talking to people who really get you is great too, which is why I love how much you post on here with us

3) Some people also try meditation-body type exercises where they allow themselves to think about painful thoughts and situations and see how their body responds: i.e., does your heart race? do you feel groggy? etc... and once you've figured that out, you can try to address those physical feelings as well as the emotional. For me, when i am deeply anxious about traumatic events my heart races and i feel nauseaous and I have been able to use ice blocks to literally calm my body.

It would be great to know more about how your body responds to think about some ways to directly address it?

ellie2000

@AislingDM @HarryT i sortof go in 'fight or flight' mode bc i h8 not knowing wat to do, and i ignore other humans coz at tht point i turn to cats. wen i was living on my own wen i used to trust no-one, i went to bed coz overwelming thought came automaticlly

AislingDM

I appreciate you being so insightful about how your body reacts @ellie2000 I think you make such an important point about how your trust has been broken so many times, it's like you don't even know how to approach new people sometimes. And when your body is instinctively telling you to run and hide it can be hard to ignore such a base impulse

I'm glad you can at least find some solace in cats

When do you feel most at peace around other people? x

ellie2000

i've moved, im around new ppl n i dont no if they r content or not aka gd ppl, would it take more than 6hrs to no?

ebyrne556

Hi @ellie2000 I hope you are doing ok this morning and that you are enjoying your new place. I’m understanding that you have met some new people but still aren’t sure if they are the right sort of people for you or not.

In relation to your question I think it might take a bit longer than 6 hours to properly get to know someone. First impressions do count but sometimes people can come across a certain way at first eg shy/quiet but actually after a while turn out to be the complete opposite.

I believe sometimes you can also have a “gut feeling” after a few hours whether or not that type of person is for you or not

How are you getting along with the new people so far? Do you feel as if you have things in common?

Have a great day

ellie2000

@ebyrne556 i havent got to know ppl coz ppl say the ppl r unpredictable

ebyrne556

Hi @ellie2000 Hope your weekend has been ok. Ah ok if im understanding correctly you are still worried about getting to know the other people based on others views. I think its always important to try your best to take other people’s views ‘with a pinch of salt’.They might have had a bad experience or positive experience but its important for you to try and make your own decision on how you view others based on your own experiences. It can take time to build up trust and relationships with others but always try and make your own opinion base don how they treat you

Hope this makes sense ok