i dont help that!!

Former Member

i so hate being reminded of favours done unto me as a baby and little kid as if i could help it doesnt mean like i gotta do something straight when my parents tell me to like a tamed animal n not doing anything important just love lazing around delaying basic boring housework or do how theyd like me to do it n they let those things annoy them. it was jc i wasnt old enough yet to speak up for myself that i never wanted them to try intervene with any problems i have theyve always tended to immediately etc but i am now! (sooo toxic if they go this is how you repay me after everything ive done for you cuz again we dont help it thats our boundary!!!) living alone means thered be no doing something straight when being told to respect n obedience arent the same ridiculous n impossible if they told me what to do under my own roof whether theyll always be my parents or no n no matter what my religious or cultural beliefs (in islam n asian culture gotta listen to parents no matter how old you r or till youre married especially as i dont ever wanna get married!!).

i especially hate the fact that your mum carried you 9 mths n went thru pain giving birth especially dont help that doesnt make them any less human they can still treat me bad like other people doesnt mean im not allowed to be angry n fire n "talk back" at them like my feelings dont matter or i dont have any feelings jc im the child n inferior (especially now im an adult myself!) n hate and get fierce honour/doing good doesnt mean love, hate n contempt/disrespect arent the same, rude doesnt mean ferocious n mad doesnt mean ive gotta do things how they want me to n at whatever bleeding timing n promptness n they get to treat me that way!!! not like i ever wanna be a parent myself no need to worry how kids will treat me n me them dont fucking care less about being lonely as long as. just sucks i cant yet afford to move out my parents want me to stay at home for studies n im not close to anyone at university with a suitable housing situation where i can share at least part-time (private or got families of their own)

Laura_tigger82

You have been really courageous in acknowledging your feelings and experiences and sharing this information with us @queenferocious. I can hear that speaking up for yourself is something that is really important to you.

You have mentioned your parents treating you badly. Would you like to share more with us about this? You only need to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with but we are here for you.

No one has the right to do or say anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. As you rightly said though, you are allowed to feel angry and feel what you feel.

Your feelings matter to us and so do you. I am hearing some conflict between what you do and your parents' expectations which sound really difficult for you, especially as you can’t yet afford to move out (and full-time).

Please feel free to keep us in the loop. We are all here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us

Former Member

I’m sick to death of parents telling me off and nagging and getting harsh and mad at cross n saying it’s for my own good n the best no matter how much it pisses me off I hate it’s cuz they love me it’s nasty itself hate islam telling me to be kind to n love them no matter how mean they r like again my feelings don’t matter as the child if I’m not allowed to fire and be angry back like I can help everything they’ve done/do for me. N saying things they were told off n punished harsher in their day yet never hated my grandparents or got mad back n listen to them regardless of age cuz it’s less like that lack of discipline nowadays is why we disrespect parents more easily so what telling offs telling off we react like that cuz of their attitudes n discipline (quran doesn’t even say to “discipline children”!!!) n jc they grew up in such environments n accepted it! How they fucking r is no excuse for how they treat me directly either

AislingDM

I couldn't agree more with what you're saying @queenferocious , especially the final point about their experiences not being an excuse for how they make you feel. It sounds like such a deeply distressing household to be in, not only because it feels immensely hurtful to be treated in this way, but also because they are justifying their behaviour.

I think you can make any cultural or religious thing fit your approach to life and some people do choose to fit it around hurtful behaviour, which is not right and it must make the whole situation all the more confusing for you, because on the one hand you're trying to deal with feeling angry and betrayed but also being told to push your feelings down and pretend they aren't there. It's no wonder you're left feeling so drained at the end of each day.

I'm so grateful to you for explaining this all to us, and for pointing out the fact that the Quran does not talk about disciplining children, as it should be evidence enough for your parents to treat you with more respect, as you clearly deserve it.

I know it must be so frustrating and painful for you to be in such conflict with your parents and I found a couple of articles that try to give advice for these situations, but I know that can't always be enough, so I am more than happy to talk some more, whether you just want to vent or to get some advice:

https://www.teenissues.co.uk/copingwithstrictparents.html

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-parenting/family-ties/deal-controlling-parents/

I was also just wondering, what would you say is the most stressful aspect of your relationship with your parents?

Former Member

I’m very grateful for your response and think those links you sent r very helpful with resonating with me n offering support.

What makes me angry is being told off n nagged at “tough loved” especially for accidents or things that don’t directly affect other people or aren’t my fault and just the way I like to have things (including not doing something straight when being told) n told it’s for my own benefit no matter how it really makes me feel (n that they “don’t mean to be nasty” n they’re “on my side” when it’s nasty itself n they do mean n I also treat others the way they don’t like by those indirect or unintentional doings n getting angry back which again I’ve got all the right!) n according to islam n asian culture telling me what to do n trying to get involved with my business n problems I have no matter how old I am till marriage especially as I never want to like it’s some dumb patriarchy n 19th century. also picking on me as the eldest kid n grandkid having to set an example and have most responsibility like I’m perfect (n they were each oldest grandkids themselves but won’t understand how I feel about that either!!!) n gotta follow the same rules as the younger ones jc we live under the same roof