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Suicidal & self harm
Siena
Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
So thought I’d make my own post instead of spamming the hugs thread. Feel like I don’t deserve the support as I haven’t been replying to others. But yeah I did used to a lot. I’ll get back to it.
Anyway just thought I’d update and then post here. So I’ve been self harming the other week and it needs surgery i don’t know when. And I stayed at hospital waiting for a mental health bed but went home because I would of been in a&e forever but I am
Under the home treatment team atm. I don’t find it helpful tbh. I find it a bit annoying because of my family arguing about someone coming round & couldn’t give a fuck if it’s to help me and yeah I have a med review with them tomorrow. I don’t know what they’ll say about that. Anyway I’m just really sad. And tonight I am getting the urges to hurt myself again. But I am doing my best to not
Anyway just thought I’d update and then post here. So I’ve been self harming the other week and it needs surgery i don’t know when. And I stayed at hospital waiting for a mental health bed but went home because I would of been in a&e forever but I am
Under the home treatment team atm. I don’t find it helpful tbh. I find it a bit annoying because of my family arguing about someone coming round & couldn’t give a fuck if it’s to help me and yeah I have a med review with them tomorrow. I don’t know what they’ll say about that. Anyway I’m just really sad. And tonight I am getting the urges to hurt myself again. But I am doing my best to not
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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Comments
We appreciate it when you are able to support others. However, we never use it against you if you are not able. You need to do what's best for you and be in the right space before you support others.
You have been really brave in reaching out to us and sharing this with us. I can hear that you feel annoyed and really sad at the moment. It sounds like home treatment is not helping you yet your family just wants someone to come around, even if it's not helpful for you.
I appreciate 'tomorrow' has already been now. Would you like to tell us more about how your med review has gone? We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us.
Sending you hugs
My meds review was okay. Was with two doctors who was nice and just upped my antidepressant and actually validated how awful I must feel to do this to myself & inflict so much pain onto myself.
Got another appointment at the hospital. A charity might be able to help me and send me £250 to help with the travel costs which is nice. Although I’ve spent a lot more than that but yeah it’s better than no help and I don’t deserve it as self inflicted anyway
They also won’t do surgery for myself harm if I’m still actively self harming
This is really cool - I'm glad you got nice people for your meds review. It's amazing how powerful that validation can be, when they actually see the pain beneath. Do you mind me asking what charity can help with the travel costs? Had no idea that was a thing!
PS, You definitely deserve help, even if this is self-inflicted.
And it’s Cause every time I see them I have new injuries so they say they’re not going to do the surgery while I’m still getting new injuries. Which I’m not sure why. Like if it needs a skin graft it needs a skin graft but I kinda get it because I don’t have much healthy skin left cause of self harm for them to get so they would have to consider a donor aswell. But yeah all the new injuries would need a skin graft aswell so they just said will keep at the treatment. So I had to have gas and air today so they could do something that would otherwise be done with surgery and they got quite a lot off so it could heal by its self. But she was very nice and said she can stop. But I said it’s fine and told her to keep going. There’s still some that need doing so I will need gas and air for my next appointment. But I really am trying to stop the self harm. But I di still keep doing it. That hospital are very nice to me considering it’s self inflicted and I just keep adding to it. So I should meet them half way and stop.
I don’t really know about the chairty as they did all that for me. But I just know it’s called (sorry just edited out the charity name as just googled it and it’s a charity for survivors for that specific injury. So just in case anyone googled it and saw the injury type wouldn’t be helpful cause Not like a transport service & just would see method of self harm) which then kinda makes me feel more bad. I ain’t a survivor of something traumatic I just did it on purpose
You deserve support! You say you feel like you don't because you haven't been replying to others, but it goes back to that cliche thing of needing to look after yourself before doing the same for others. Sometimes, you can take a break from supporting others because it sounds like right now, you need to nurture yourself and that is okay.
You are sooooo incredibly strong and I totally get you, like you know how awful you feel but for someone else to recognise that, it is like a validation. There are a couple times I have noticed in your language that you seem to put it down like you are not worthy of support because you do this to yourself. You say you don't deserve that money as this is self-inflicted, and how the hospital are very nice to you considering it’s self inflicted. As you know from experience, self-harm is incredibly complex. In hindsight it may seem like a choice, and yes I guess it is, but as someone who also deals with self-harm when you are in that mindset it's not really, and there are many reasons why people do it, and that doesn't mean that you are unworthy of help. Would you say to someone who had an addiction to alcohol that they are not worthy of support because it is self-inflicted?
You ARE 100% worthy of love and support and help and I hope that in time you can believe that. I am giving you a big virtual hug
But every thing is really bad atm. Work sent me home yesterday because I was suicidal and told me I might be getting suspended. I went and got absolutely drunk by myself in a pub. A manager messaged me on Instagram to check up on me and came to take me home. But I am very embarrassed. I was very drunk and kept falling
It sounds so hard what you're going through at the moment on top of the added pressure of work saying they might suspend you. I know how important work is to you and how worried you've been before about them suspending you. Do you feel comfortable sharing more about what happened yesterday and how you've been feeling?
I can really hear how sad you're feeling Siobhan, keep posting here whenever you need to, we're here and we all care about you. Where are you at the moment with your 136? Are they giving much support to help you at the moment?
Keep going
I’m at a 136 suite waiting for an assessment
Thank you
I'm hearing how much you're going through and how uncertain it's feeling with work at the moment. It's a really difficult place to be in not knowing if you'll be allowed back. Work can be a really important place and form of support particularly if there's a lot you're going through outside of work. Do you feel comfortable sharing more about what's been going on for you and what's led you to make up your mind about ending your life?
You've been really brave to open up about here @Siobhan. Can you share with me how strong this is feeling for you at the moment? What do you feel can help you stay safe?
Remember these services are always a call or text away whenever you need them. There's lots of supportive and caring people here to help you through this
We're here for you Siobhan
There are so many people in your life and on here that care for you and don't want to see you in the pain your in at the moment - so please seek advice and support if and when you need it, as your so important to so many people. We are all here for you on the boards as well if and when you need us
Sending you lots of hugs
Sinead
Thanks
You only need to speak when you want to and feel comfortable. We are all here for you and listening to you if you would like to speak though.
Take care, for now, we are all here with you and thinking of you
Sending hugs,
Amy22
I just wanted to send you some hugs and let you know that we are all here for you
My blood tests came back with low iron and high liver stuff because I’ve been drinking to cope
Sending hugs
Sinead
doing my best to keep distracted started crocheting 🧶