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i want her BAAAAAACK💔😭😭😭
queenferocious
Posts: 31 Boards Initiate
hiya. i havent been on message boards like this since years cuz i dont like to confide my problems to just anyone and know i wont like certain responses. i dont want anything said directly against me or have whoever im angry with agreed to and deemed right or judge or criticise or tell me how not to feel last thing ill be told is im the problem for getting upset n mad by people being directly n deliberately mean. dont suggest i seek professional help either i only wanna confide my probs to specific people cuz of who they r themselves!
ive got a wonderful amazing aunt my mothers cousin who i hadnt met from the ages of 10 - 21 cuz i forgot all about her and got distracted by other (toxic) friends, and then i suddenly found her on social med at 18 and we got talking and back in touch and close again after i left school. shes always said i could tell her anything without letting it indirectly affect her and would never judge and criticise me (especially as shes got a communications psychology degree n worked in pr), and had been equally excited to meet me when i visit my hometown (which i hadnt got to till 3 yrs after that cuz of life n expensive flight n ofc covid). that changed my life immensely and dazzlingly when she agreed that my parents harsh discipline me and the way people have been treating me is wrong.
but then some months later she said shed be seriously busy with work but i could still text her whenever i want. i absolutely did not let alone wanted anticipate this was where the trap and her predatory behaviour started. i learnt from other past failed friendships n relationships to not expect too much including bad stuff. she still responded and checked up on me every several months but other than that she overall completely ghosted me. i kept telling her to fix my problems for me cuz again she said i could share whatever i want with her and wished there was a way she could help me, i.e. telling her to tell my parents or other people to quit bothering me however way instead of telling myself in case i got told off by those people n told i bring things out on myself and its for my own good and other validations like that i never wanted to her. i may have had a feeling this wasnt right n fair on my aunt tho i told her she mustnt feel like shes being taken advantage of n i got she had millions of other things to deal with herself. as time went by i begun to worry n grew anxious and wondered why she was still actively texting other people in the family and they kept seeing her social med posts but not me, including when she randomly blocked me which i thought and pushed myself to believe it was cuz of work or technical error at the time i kept creating new accounts to find her only for her to have blocked me or got automatically disabled remaining to believe that. i stopped telling her to deal with my probs for me a while back cuz i had a feeling it was that n apologised. when i eventually got to visit our hometown summer before last little did i know she pushed away from wanting to come see me completely unlike what she said before (heard from my other aunt my mums sister not until after i came back home again that she swore n cussed n was being really rude cuz my immediate family kept pushing her to meet me) that i became practically on edge waiting yr after yr to see her n not for over a decade however i did eventually get to see her in the end even if it was just a wave from the car cuz of social distancing😊.
however she kept blocking me social med so i constantly made new accounts to chase her. i additionally got mad at n fought with another aunt her sister cuz she gave me riff about her being oh-so occupied with her family life n work n other duties n was uncomfortable about me constantly looking for her online. ofc this was what i never wanted to believe and hear cuz she did say i could tell her anything n equally agreed to keep in touch with me she never said anything about that at all! i eventually found out the truth from my mums sister that she actually cut ties with me and my heart shattered to millions of pieces that i practically felt like nothing. i only wanna be close to specific people cuz of who they r themselves other people just arent her n its hateful to believe she thought she had the right to be like that after equally wanting to be close to n in touch with me n still let other friends n fam members keep close to n follow her n i never directly did anything to her!!! being counselling means not minding how what i say indirectly affects the person n thats an essential trait in a friendship/relationship (dont give me that not-being-a-professional lark)!! i tried to decide to just focus on my life and friends over here but i can never get over how she impacted my life n mental health n happiness making it so great being in it n we planned to go over to my hometown again. i thought she was gradually opening her door for me again n wanted to meet me since she let me text her again n receive my messages (tho she still did block me everywhere else).
only tougher to have got my hopes up! she never wanted to again n i got into massive fights with the rest of my family cuz they kept badmouthing and taking me further away from her as they werent in good terms with her themselves when i told them i wanted to see her horribly bad i hate that i never explained it was cuz i wanted to resolve what happened between us it wasnt in my mind cuz they kept saying all those things. my little brother from hell the complete narc especially bullied and tormented me like he always does but more extreme emphasising that she doesnt like me and has been blocking me everywhere and i should use my head pinched me called me a bitch for yelling at everyone that its always the wrong people who r there for me n me n my boundaries dont deserve respect so i told him to fuck off n was extremely mad at my parents too trying to intervene by asking whats wrong n when i told them to stop trying to n bossing me around like a child therefore telling me to act my age when i dont care how old i am when it comes to behaviour only rights theyve no right to treat me like that its not like i can help they brought me up ive also got boundaries responsibility n maturity r two different n nagging n telling us off for fighting in public when it doesnt directly affect other people everyone sees n hears things its not my prob if people will blame them for my behaviour im an adult now not like that applies anymore no matter what i do asian n muslim parents r seriously the worst theyre just as predatory as my fave aunt (in the get-on your-case-rest-of-your-life way same contrast with my aunt who was being im-so-awesome-for-you but abandoning way)!!! im sick to death of especially my religion telling me to respect and be kind to n love them no matter how nasty they r its not like i can help they gave birth to me n that makes them less human so arent capable of treating me bad like my feelings dont matter or i dont have feelings jc im the kid if i cant fire n be mad back ive got all the right to hate n express that depends on how they treat me not who they are!!! no one tells me to face reality thats the last thing ill hear!!! ultra heartbreaking i never got to see my fave aunt after discussing about it with other safe friends n even getting counselling n coming a really long distance and waiting a long while n such a thing that happened💔💔💔. i realise i never learnt from past deadly relationships/friendships cuz theres many types of them (7 deadly friendships by mary de muth)! right people may say i should never have kept burdening her with my problems n millions of texts n the people i love r only the people i rant off to about problems n i should be careful who i share my problems with n how i say things. i did ask her every now n then how she was herself but she never responded that either😢. i never wanted to tell my parents cuz theyll interrogate n go on at me for shit communication n im sick to death of hearing that caring by being mean (wont hear its better they care sticking around me having harsh goes at me than dont care at all they care by being like that!!!) n in general i feel babyish telling them my problems im growing up now!! its really true its always the wrong people who r there for me while the people i find appealing n want in my life push me away n reject me no one tells me im the prob for being bleeding unappreciative😭😭😭. n my bro ridiculing n making fun of me then saying he no longer considers me his sis like i care less n hopes im homeless in future cuz i dont wanna accept things that piss me off n upset me jc everyone goes thru stuff like that but dont react like me well he deserves mental hospital when he forever gets rowdy n argumentative himself regardless of time n place n even ruder to my parents. it was clearly more specific than just moving on as people keep implying she never kept her words about being allowed to tell her anything and equally excited to see me as tho i heard wrong making me feel incomplete without her blocked n cut ties without single teeniest explanation whatsoevee like i said i wanted to resolve things but i couldnt n never thought to say cuz the rest of the fam rubbishing her now ive gotta wait another long while n await more miles n if she still wont see me if i eventually discuss this with my parents or not. it isnt the best if it upsets me!!!!!
i so cant wait to finally have the money leave home n never have my own family who the fuck cared about being lonely as long as this never happens at home ever again(different matter with people who dont live with you!!) n im not the same to people to ruin my life!
ive got a wonderful amazing aunt my mothers cousin who i hadnt met from the ages of 10 - 21 cuz i forgot all about her and got distracted by other (toxic) friends, and then i suddenly found her on social med at 18 and we got talking and back in touch and close again after i left school. shes always said i could tell her anything without letting it indirectly affect her and would never judge and criticise me (especially as shes got a communications psychology degree n worked in pr), and had been equally excited to meet me when i visit my hometown (which i hadnt got to till 3 yrs after that cuz of life n expensive flight n ofc covid). that changed my life immensely and dazzlingly when she agreed that my parents harsh discipline me and the way people have been treating me is wrong.
but then some months later she said shed be seriously busy with work but i could still text her whenever i want. i absolutely did not let alone wanted anticipate this was where the trap and her predatory behaviour started. i learnt from other past failed friendships n relationships to not expect too much including bad stuff. she still responded and checked up on me every several months but other than that she overall completely ghosted me. i kept telling her to fix my problems for me cuz again she said i could share whatever i want with her and wished there was a way she could help me, i.e. telling her to tell my parents or other people to quit bothering me however way instead of telling myself in case i got told off by those people n told i bring things out on myself and its for my own good and other validations like that i never wanted to her. i may have had a feeling this wasnt right n fair on my aunt tho i told her she mustnt feel like shes being taken advantage of n i got she had millions of other things to deal with herself. as time went by i begun to worry n grew anxious and wondered why she was still actively texting other people in the family and they kept seeing her social med posts but not me, including when she randomly blocked me which i thought and pushed myself to believe it was cuz of work or technical error at the time i kept creating new accounts to find her only for her to have blocked me or got automatically disabled remaining to believe that. i stopped telling her to deal with my probs for me a while back cuz i had a feeling it was that n apologised. when i eventually got to visit our hometown summer before last little did i know she pushed away from wanting to come see me completely unlike what she said before (heard from my other aunt my mums sister not until after i came back home again that she swore n cussed n was being really rude cuz my immediate family kept pushing her to meet me) that i became practically on edge waiting yr after yr to see her n not for over a decade however i did eventually get to see her in the end even if it was just a wave from the car cuz of social distancing😊.
however she kept blocking me social med so i constantly made new accounts to chase her. i additionally got mad at n fought with another aunt her sister cuz she gave me riff about her being oh-so occupied with her family life n work n other duties n was uncomfortable about me constantly looking for her online. ofc this was what i never wanted to believe and hear cuz she did say i could tell her anything n equally agreed to keep in touch with me she never said anything about that at all! i eventually found out the truth from my mums sister that she actually cut ties with me and my heart shattered to millions of pieces that i practically felt like nothing. i only wanna be close to specific people cuz of who they r themselves other people just arent her n its hateful to believe she thought she had the right to be like that after equally wanting to be close to n in touch with me n still let other friends n fam members keep close to n follow her n i never directly did anything to her!!! being counselling means not minding how what i say indirectly affects the person n thats an essential trait in a friendship/relationship (dont give me that not-being-a-professional lark)!! i tried to decide to just focus on my life and friends over here but i can never get over how she impacted my life n mental health n happiness making it so great being in it n we planned to go over to my hometown again. i thought she was gradually opening her door for me again n wanted to meet me since she let me text her again n receive my messages (tho she still did block me everywhere else).
only tougher to have got my hopes up! she never wanted to again n i got into massive fights with the rest of my family cuz they kept badmouthing and taking me further away from her as they werent in good terms with her themselves when i told them i wanted to see her horribly bad i hate that i never explained it was cuz i wanted to resolve what happened between us it wasnt in my mind cuz they kept saying all those things. my little brother from hell the complete narc especially bullied and tormented me like he always does but more extreme emphasising that she doesnt like me and has been blocking me everywhere and i should use my head pinched me called me a bitch for yelling at everyone that its always the wrong people who r there for me n me n my boundaries dont deserve respect so i told him to fuck off n was extremely mad at my parents too trying to intervene by asking whats wrong n when i told them to stop trying to n bossing me around like a child therefore telling me to act my age when i dont care how old i am when it comes to behaviour only rights theyve no right to treat me like that its not like i can help they brought me up ive also got boundaries responsibility n maturity r two different n nagging n telling us off for fighting in public when it doesnt directly affect other people everyone sees n hears things its not my prob if people will blame them for my behaviour im an adult now not like that applies anymore no matter what i do asian n muslim parents r seriously the worst theyre just as predatory as my fave aunt (in the get-on your-case-rest-of-your-life way same contrast with my aunt who was being im-so-awesome-for-you but abandoning way)!!! im sick to death of especially my religion telling me to respect and be kind to n love them no matter how nasty they r its not like i can help they gave birth to me n that makes them less human so arent capable of treating me bad like my feelings dont matter or i dont have feelings jc im the kid if i cant fire n be mad back ive got all the right to hate n express that depends on how they treat me not who they are!!! no one tells me to face reality thats the last thing ill hear!!! ultra heartbreaking i never got to see my fave aunt after discussing about it with other safe friends n even getting counselling n coming a really long distance and waiting a long while n such a thing that happened💔💔💔. i realise i never learnt from past deadly relationships/friendships cuz theres many types of them (7 deadly friendships by mary de muth)! right people may say i should never have kept burdening her with my problems n millions of texts n the people i love r only the people i rant off to about problems n i should be careful who i share my problems with n how i say things. i did ask her every now n then how she was herself but she never responded that either😢. i never wanted to tell my parents cuz theyll interrogate n go on at me for shit communication n im sick to death of hearing that caring by being mean (wont hear its better they care sticking around me having harsh goes at me than dont care at all they care by being like that!!!) n in general i feel babyish telling them my problems im growing up now!! its really true its always the wrong people who r there for me while the people i find appealing n want in my life push me away n reject me no one tells me im the prob for being bleeding unappreciative😭😭😭. n my bro ridiculing n making fun of me then saying he no longer considers me his sis like i care less n hopes im homeless in future cuz i dont wanna accept things that piss me off n upset me jc everyone goes thru stuff like that but dont react like me well he deserves mental hospital when he forever gets rowdy n argumentative himself regardless of time n place n even ruder to my parents. it was clearly more specific than just moving on as people keep implying she never kept her words about being allowed to tell her anything and equally excited to see me as tho i heard wrong making me feel incomplete without her blocked n cut ties without single teeniest explanation whatsoevee like i said i wanted to resolve things but i couldnt n never thought to say cuz the rest of the fam rubbishing her now ive gotta wait another long while n await more miles n if she still wont see me if i eventually discuss this with my parents or not. it isnt the best if it upsets me!!!!!
i so cant wait to finally have the money leave home n never have my own family who the fuck cared about being lonely as long as this never happens at home ever again(different matter with people who dont live with you!!) n im not the same to people to ruin my life!
Post edited by queenferocious on
0
Comments
When you mentioned only wanting to confide your problems to specific people because of who they are themselves, I am wondering if you would like to tell us a little more about this. We just want to make sure we hear you clearly.
It seems like you have experienced a really difficult time with your family. Not least as some of your family's treatment was unexpected by you and invalidated. I can see how this means you are more aware of how you would like to be treated in the future though within relationships and friendships.
We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us. It sounds really positive that you are aware of what you would like to experience as part of being a part of The Mix's community.
Take care for now and we will look forward to, hopefully, hearing from you again soon
It seems like this has been a really painful time for you. When others don’t reciprocate the feelings of affection and care that we hold for them, this can be really deflating and hard to understand. It makes sense that you’re finding this difficult. I can see how much you wish to resolve things with your aunt, and I can imagine her distance is difficult to cope with, especially considering the absence of an explanation. The lack of support from your other relatives must make this even more challenging. May I ask how you have been feeling the past few days? We are here for you.
Take care.
I'm glad to see that you have someone to confide in and provide friendship during this difficult time. It's important to rely on our support networks in times like these. May I ask how you are feeling about the potential trip to your home country? It seems like this is a bit of a worry for you.
Take care.
I imagine this has been a really painful time for you. It can be very hurtful when we are cut off for trying to be close with someone. It seems that you are looking for some social support or a place where you can express your inner thoughts and feelings, is that correct? Sometimes friends and family are unable to hold space for us. This means they might feel overwhelmed by hearing our current struggles or difficulties as a result of what they're going through themselves. This doesn't necessarily mean that they don't value the friendship, but that they don't have the capacity to meet these needs. You deserve to be heard and supported.
How do you feel about exploring some alternative options with me? This may include the idea of a counsellor/therapist, whereby you could receive the support you are worthy of and have a safe, consistent space in which you can express how you've been doing. I will attach some relevant links below:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/useful-contacts/
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/how-to-find-a-therapist/
Take care,
Eleanor