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New year

SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
Help. I am feeling really really depressed and suicidal because it’s nearly the end of the year and I’ve had another year of doing fuck all. I’m so sad. Where’s my quality of life
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Community Manager Posts: 319 The Mix Regular
    Hey @Siobhan,

    I can hear that things are feeling heavy at the moment, Siobhan. You've been really brave to reach out to us and share how you're feeling.

    From what you've said, it sounds to me as though these thoughts have been triggered by the fact that the end of the year is approaching. Have you got any plans for taking care of yourself over the next few weeks? Is there anything that has helped you to get through those difficult feelings at this time of year in the past?

    Remember that we care about you, Shaunie, and we're here. <3

    Take care,
    Harry
  • kaiikaii Posts: 543 Incredible Poster
    Hey @Siobhan, thank you so much for reaching out. I'm sorry that things have been difficult for you at the moment.

    I hear that you're unhappy with how this year has gone for you, and I completely understand this feeling. But I know that you've been going through some difficult times throughout the year - I'm really proud of how far you've come, and I really hope you give yourself some credit for getting through these difficulties, as this is an achievement itself.

    Unfortunately we can't go back in time to redo what we've done, but we can definitely grow from our experiences. You may have not had a great year - and that's completely okay, it happens. And I'm sure that you're not the only one who feels this way. But you might have a great day today or tomorrow, or even a great week. Like @HarryT said, is there anything that you can do over the next few weeks to help you with these feelings? Putting your mental wellbeing first is what matters.

    There is always a new year - which may come with new goals (but of course it's not necessary to have any if you want to see what happens). Sometimes we achieve them, sometimes we don't. I'd also just like to add on to this by saying that you don't always have to wait for an event or something special (for example New Years day, or your birthday) to start again and improve. You can always start again at anytime - whether it be today or tomorrow, or even after taking one deep breath.

    Because you mentioned that you've been feeling upset about these feelings, please remember that there's a lot of support around you. You may feel better talking about these feelings and letting them out.

    - The Mix's helpline is open from 4pm to 11pm from Monday to Saturday on 0808 808 4994 . You could also give them an email.

    - You can call Samaritans at anytime on 116 123 . You could also write them an email on jo@samaritans.org if you feel more comfortable writing your thoughts down.

    - You can get free, confidential anonymous support at anytime by texting SHOUT to 85258.

    And of course, feel free to talk about your feelings here on the discussion boards. We're all here for you <3

    Sending hugs,

    Kai <3
  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 1,616 Extreme Poster
    Just want to say I completely agree with what Harry and Kai have said and remember to take care of yourself as at the end of the day, your mental health is the most important thing.

    Sending lots of hugs,
    Sinead <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you guys. I’m really struggling tonight 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 113 The Mix Convert
    Hi @Siobhan

    Going through such an emotionally overwhelming time must be so draining, it must be exhausting to keep pushing through. I am so pleased to see that you've been able to reach out though, we are here with you, to work through this together.

    It seems like you've been feeling distressed for a period of time, I'd like to help you to find some relief. What type of support do you think could ease some of the struggle for you? Accessing support services and relying on your social networks is crucial in times like these.

    How do you feel about visiting your GP to discuss how you've been feeling? You deserve to receive support and care. Alternatively, you can self refer via the IAPT services to receive therapy/counselling if this sounds accessible to you. I will attach some links below for further support:

    https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/
    https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/supporting-someone-who-feels-suicidal/useful-contacts/

    I understand that accessing help can be quite intimidating, but you are worthy of reaching a point where this is less painful for you. These next steps can lay the path towards a better place.

    Please do not hesitate to reach out here again, you shouldn't have to go through this alone.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2022
    Thank you. I called in sick to work today so I could kill myself. But I’m a coward and been sitting in Costa for 3 hours instead. I am safe I am just going home when I’m supposed to of finished woek
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @Siobhan

    Sometimes, I think just living is an achievement. Just getting through the day is an achievement when you are not in a good mental headspace. Sometimes, having a long list of things we want to achieve and then looking back and realising you haven't done anything can be quite soul crushing, or not knowing at all what we want to achieve. We put sooooo much pressure on ourselves. The fact you have reached out for help on here is a HUGE achievement.

    Is there anyone you feel you can speak to?
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2022
    Called in sick to work.
    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Ok police r coming:(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,577 Part of The Furniture
    You're having a rough go of it at the moment aren't you @Siobhan? :(

    We might not be able to change your situation or the way you feel, but we can be here with you and hopefully give you some of what you need to keep going, even just for another day.

    Did you contact the police yourself?

    Friendly reminder that you're doing well, even if it doesn't feel that way. :star:
    Click here for everything you need to know about The Mix's merger
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Shout did
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,577 Part of The Furniture
    Well done for contacting them. These things never get easier but you did the right thing. :)

    How are you feeling about the police coming out? Where are you at the mo?
    Click here for everything you need to know about The Mix's merger
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,783 The Mix Elder
    Hi @Siobhan hope your okay and are safe.

    Sending hugs,

    Amy22 ♥
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you all. Police picked me up and was taking me to hospital but didn’t wanna go so I am at my friends house. Literally been crying for one hour.
    Now we are painting a Christmas mug
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • UnknownUnknown
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  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,577 Part of The Furniture
    Glad you could find a safe haven somewhere @Siobhan. Hospitals can suck in those situations. Are you still there today? Painting sounds like a nice mindful distraction. :)
    Click here for everything you need to know about The Mix's merger
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you. No o was only there for a few hours. I’m being referred back to the eating disorder team. Using food to cope
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,293 Community Veteran
    @Siobhan just do wat u enjoy. like play computer games, draw, visit museums, do u find everyday rolled into 1?
    Crazy mad insane
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,577 Part of The Furniture
    Siobhan wrote: »
    Thank you. No o was only there for a few hours. I’m being referred back to the eating disorder team. Using food to cope
    Is that something you wanted @Siobhan? More than understandable to fall back on ways of coping when things reach boiling point. You're only human.
    Click here for everything you need to know about The Mix's merger
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you.

    Don’t really enjoy much atm

    I mean I did ring my gp saying I am restricting again but I didn’t expect a referral to the eating disorder team cause they have only just referred me to the mental health team, was just thinking will probably give me a call back next week to see how I am going.
    Now i don’t know how to feel about being referred back to them
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    My managers are pushing me to get my weight and blood tests done by my gp as soon as but I’m scared
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Without being too triggering
    Yesterday was awful
    Work really went the wrong way about my eating disorder. Unfortunate events that happened. Made me feel trapped
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,299 Part of The Furniture
    You have been really brave and strong in continuing to share what you are experiencing with us @Siobhan. I can hear how you are not really enjoying much at the moment.

    Not really enjoying much at the moment seems more a reflection of the difficulties you are experiencing at the moment than you as a person.

    It sounds really tough that work did not approach your eating disorder the way you were hoping for and this made you feel trapped and scared.

    Is there anything, in particular, that might help things to feel more manageable for you at the moment? You are doing such a great job reaching out to us, your GP and your work.

    We are all here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us. You don’t have to face this, or anything else, alone if you don’t want to – please feel free to keep us in the loop with how you are doing <3
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @Siobhan I second what Laura has said, by continuing to share what you are experiencing with us is a really positive thin and I hope has been a good outlet for you.

    I'm really sorry to hear that you feel trapped after the unfortunate events that happened at work. Do you feel comfortable to speak to your managers and tell them how they are making you feel? How would you like for them to be behaving and what would be the best kind of support that work can give you?

    We got you <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank guys. I could of got suspended yesterday but thankfully didn’t. Was in hospital yesterday cause of self harm & I’m travelling to Essex hospital today because of self harm very expensive.
    Work are very supportive but yeah I am a burden to them
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator, Staff Posts: 35 Boards Initiate
    Hi @Siobhan I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a hard time, but I'm glad you're still talking about how you're feeling.

    I'm glad to hear that your work are being supportive. I want you to know that you are never a burden. You deserve to get support with what you’re going through.

    How are you feeling today? We're all here for you <3
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