What do you wish you knew at the start of your support journey?

JustV

Curious what insights y'all have.

Amy22

This is very interesting actually. I'm glad that there is a thread on this. Idk really for me. I would say I wish I knew possibility that my support journey was going to take place online and that my therapy would be only six weeks of counselling. I also wish I knew that I wouldn't just fully recover as I expected but that it takes a while to process.

JustV

That makes a lot of sense @Amy22! I'd really echo the bit about the time it takes, and that there are loads of different ways of engaging with support in life (online, face to face, through work and hobbies, etc). Seems to be something people only tend to find out once they've started.

For me I think it was how easy it is to build up your identity around your recovery. I suppose this is one of those things you probably wouldn't take seriously until you're in it, but early on in my journey I found myself over-identifying with a lot of what I experienced, and forming probably unhealthy attachments with the people who supported me. I'm lucky that I figured my way through it all but it can be a tricky thing to navigate when you're vulnerable and inexperienced.

Former Member

Hey @Mike, great thread !

Mine would be that you gotta do the work because ain't nobody gonna save you. And when I realised this, it helped me massively. I stopped thinking that I was helpless and I acknowledged when I was self sabotaging. I remember learning about the locus of control during A level psychology and I managed to apply it to my own journey.

The biggest lesson for me was how tricky it is to get out of ruminating aka getting stuck in a cycling of chronic woe is me. Whilst the world was passing me by I was stuck thinking and and getting more upset over things that had happened and it wasn't helpful. I wasn't making the space to do things I enjoyed nor did I have the capacity to unless I let go of what was hurting me.

AislingDM

Mine would be, trying to set expectations about what you need from the beginning is very important. For example, I am someone who loves to be able to vent and I am not always necessarily looking for solutions. Since making this clear to my family, they now wait to offer solutions until I directly ask for them, aside from that they just actively listen when I'm in pain which is cool

Azziman

One of the main things for me was that I had to be proactive. "Getting better" doesn't happen passively, you have to actually do things/make changes in life to see things get better. Once I'd realised that, I started actively doing things to improve life - talking to someone; fixing my diet, sleep and exercise routines; getting into mindfulness etc. Would even go as far as saying that this realisation was life-changing!

Distraction

I think part of mine would be allowing myself to feel what I felt, there were times I thought I wasn't going to get through it and I'd get myself in some states, I was also angry with myself for being 'weak' I wish I knew that I could have spoken to my teacher who seemed really nice and nothing bad would have happened as a result, I might have gotten some good advice.

JustV

Distraction wrote: »

I think part of mine would be allowing myself to feel what I felt, there were times I thought I wasn't going to get through it and I'd get myself in some states, I was also angry with myself for being 'weak' I wish I knew that I could have spoken to my teacher who seemed really nice and nothing bad would have happened as a result, I might have gotten some good advice.

LOVE this one @Distraction. Huge fan of feeling your way through your experiences. I also find this is one of the most common things I say to friends who are struggling (and they find it helpful).

Azziman wrote: »

One of the main things for me was that I had to be proactive. "Getting better" doesn't happen passively, you have to actually do things/make changes in life to see things get better. Once I'd realised that, I started actively doing things to improve life - talking to someone; fixing my diet, sleep and exercise routines; getting into mindfulness etc. Would even go as far as saying that this realisation was life-changing!

Super true @Azziman - this feels similar to what @Salix_alba_2019 said. Looking back on my life, I can understand now that actually what set me on the recovery path was moving to London and other changing circumstances in my life. And particularly now I'm a bit older I feel like those material changes (diet, sleep, etc) have a huge impact on my mental health. Sleep especially seems to be undervalued by almost everyone for the enormous impact it can have on your wellbeing.

Millie2787

That it’s okay to feel some of the feelings I had . That things weren’t just going to get better overnight. That as much as I hated medication it’s what allowed me to get through some really tough parts of the journey and most importantly cutting off people who weren’t helpful or supportive of that journey regardless if they was family or not

Former Member

Love this thread!

My main one would definitely be knowing the importance of not comparing myself to others. People do things in different ways and have different timings with things.

I think also knowing not to punish myself when I get back into unhealthy patterns or when things go downhill.

And just generally I wish I knew the importance of myself and my heart, how much love I have to give to people and how much love I am able to receive.

It's so good to hear everyone's replies

Former Member

Well first off I only like sharing my problems with specific people bc of who they r themselves not anything about them i.e. jc of roles or knowledge. I won’t be told people r only trying to help by being mean n annoying trying to intervene when I don’t want them to crossing my boundaries n going against me n telling me to face reality n say it’s for best when it upsets and pisses me off.

I also don’t like being asked personal or elaborative or detailed or irrelevant further questions people just ought to understand as much as I say!