What is the age of consent and when does it not apply?

Former Member

Currently reporting a guy for non consensual sex.
I was told by the police recently that, even though I was 14, I could still give consent because the guy was 16 and very close in age. If I had been 13, then that is different. I thought a 16yr old having sex with a 14 year old was illegal, he admitted to it, but they said it is not a crime?
I told the guy I didn't like it and told him it hurt but obviously don't have evidence to prove that, I just thought him admitting was enough...

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Former Member

@Past User thank you, I feel like I'm going out of my mind, its nice to have some reassurance. I'm technically not alright but i have to be so I will just carry on😂 wish I could rely on the police, instead they threatened me and said if I try to contact the guy who did it, then they can charge me with harassment. The world feels so backwards

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Former Member

@Past User thank you I appreciate it

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Former Member

Hi there @tetra thank you for reaching out to glad you felt this was a safe place, and I want to reassure you that it is. As @Past User has already said the age of consent in the UK is 16 and that consent applies at all times. I'm hearing that the authorities are not taking you seriously I can't imagine how difficult that must be, given what you are going through. It is not an easy thing to do, reporting it to the police and having to go through all of it again. It was very brave of you, I would imagine the experience was scary and daunting. For you to go through all of that to only be dismissed by the severity and nature of the incident by the police must have been devastating.

The Mix provides a great resource for information about the age of consent https://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-safety/your-rights/age-of-consent-9106.html

Supportline also has a page for victims and how to navigate everything you may be going through, additonally they can direct you to some more support and resources https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/rape-and-sexual-assault/

Please feel free to reach out at any time for anything, no matter how small or big you may think your struggles are, we are here to help you. I wish you all the best, Fiona

AislingDM

I know you've already been offered some advice on how to approach the legal side of things @tetra and I hope it can be of use to you

I just wanted to check in and ask about how you've been coping, emotionally, with the distress of both what happened and the aftermath of trying to report him? It sounds like such a deeply overwhelm place to be in, and the fact that you are fighting so hard to gain justice, only to be pushed back against, sounds beyond devastating.

I would be extremely grateful to talk some more about how you are feeling at the moment, or to talk about anything else if that's what you'd like?

I know there have already been some support pages linked, but here are a few others just in case:

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/

https://www.thehavens.org.uk/

Huge hugs and thank you so much for being so open with us on here xxx

Former Member

@tetra,
Lots of other people have spoken on your issue but I'd like to aswell. Love, regardless of the age of consent and all that, if you didn't like engaging with this guy sexually and if it made you feel uncomfortable, unsafe or if it hurt, that can still count as sexual assault. The police aren't always the best place and they may not be able to help you. But lots of counseling services can help you at least work through some of those feelings regarding what happened with him.

AislingDM

Just wanted to check in and see how you've been doing @tetra ?

Former Member

The proper term for non-consensual sex is rape and if this is what happened then this guy deserves to put on trial and ultimately locked up for that. If he's admitted to it then I don't see why he hasn't been arrested as for the police an admission is clear cut as they can get.

Unless you lied about your age and he was under the impression that you were 16 and from your post that doesn't look to be the case then he deserves to be in jail for a very long time. Unless you are over 16 you can not give consent, the law is very clear on that.

JustV

Just to add a different perspective on this. The staff team used to get a lot of questions about the age of consent, and we used to get one particular type of question ALL the time:

If I'm 16 and my partner is 15, can we have sex?

If I'm 14 and my partner is 15, can we have sex?

Or other questions like this.

It's important to note that age of consent law is there to protect children from predators, rather than prevent two young people of a similar age having consensual sex. This is the perspective of the police and the legal system generally. That's why, even though it's technically illegal, the police won't prosecute people just under 16 for having sex if they're close in age.

The situation becomes very different if the age gap is wider - like a 13 year old and a 16 year old, or an 18 year old and a 14 year old. The law is much harsher in these cases.

I suppose I'm saying this to explain why the police didn't jump into action when they found out you were under 16 @tetra. They probably wouldn't purely based on your ages.

You said the sex wasn't consensual and I 100% agree with others in this thread that he should be prosecuted for that. It must be so disheartening not to be taken seriously when you're trying to report a legitimate crime, and you deserve better. The fact they said they would charge you with harassment if you pressed the issue is unbelievable and isn't remotely fair.

Amy22

Hi @tetra I'm sorry to hear that you had to witness that. I can imagine how frightening that must have been for you. I also hear that the police weren't that helpful with the situation which makes me think that the police should be doing more to protect young people. Also I agree with everyone else as consent is normally 16 and applies to anyone under 16 too. That guy should have been charged as he made you feel uncomfortable, not the other way around. I can't belive that the police also threatened you as well. The person should have had some reprocution for what they did to you. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I hope you are okay and are safe. If you ever need someone to talk or even in private. Feel free to dm.

Sending hugs,

Amy22 ♥