What does it mean to be a man? - The Mix

BillieTheBot

What does it mean to be a man? - The Mix

On International Men's Day, we asked our community what being a man means to them.

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Allies

The idea of a man is to be able to control his emotions. If not he'd be an insignificant leader. This notion is nothing but to debilitate manliness by modifying the traditional idea of masculinity to fit their agenda and propaganda.

xramir

Does being a homosexual make me less of a man? Does “acting like a female” or being “gay as hell” make me less of a man? What does acting like a female even mean? I can’t stop thinking about these comments I’ve heard all my life and they still bug me.

Maisy

Allies wrote: »

The idea of a man is to be able to control his emotions. If not he'd be an insignificant leader. This notion is nothing but to debilitate manliness by modifying the traditional idea of masculinity to fit their agenda and propaganda.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

I think everyone, regardless of gender, might find it helpful to learn to regulate their emotions. But it can also be helpful to be able to express emotions in a healthy way, something that I think men, in particular, struggle with (as showing emotions may be associated with weakness for men). If we keep our emotions in and don’t talk about how we really feel with others, we can then struggle with mental health which can impact on our relationships with others, how we feel about ourselves, making decisions in our day-to-day lives etc. Being a leader (regardless of gender) is a delicate balance between logic and emotion, and while it’s good to not let too much emotion get in the way of leading, it’s also not good to completely exclude emotion either.

That said, I do see your point in that the content in our article does challenge the traditional idea of what a man is. I think that it can help if people were more themselves (whatever that looks like to the individual), rather than trying to conform to what one ought to be like.

Maisy

xramir wrote: »

Does being a homosexual make me less of a man? Does “acting like a female” or being “gay as hell” make me less of a man? What does acting like a female even mean? I can’t stop thinking about these comments I’ve heard all my life and they still bug me.

Hi there,

It sounds like you’ve experienced some homophobic comments and it’s understandable that you would still think about these comments even after some time has passed since they were said to you.

Being homosexual/gay does not make you less of a man at all. Your sexuality doesn’t define your sex or your gender. It doesn’t make you ‘less’ of a man because it’s not possible to measure how much of a man someone is. Gender is largely a social construct so while there are some people who believe that to be a man you have to be straight, act manly, be into sports, fitness, banter, show some aggression etc. this is all just some idea of what a man is supposed to be like. But many men aren’t like that and it doesn’t make them any less of a man. This ties in with the comment about acting like a female. In fact, it’s possible that those who try to be really manly are actually insecure in themselves and are trying to over-compensate.

It sounds like those who made those comments were doing so to hurt and exclude you. You deserve better than to be treated in that way!