Toxic friends

Past User

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Former Member

Hey @Past User

You can be honest with them, tell them why you would like to remove yourself from them, and establish what your new boundaries are. Who you surround yourself with is totally up to you, and if you feel people have toxic behaviours that you don't want around you, once you cut those ties, I'm sure you will feel a whole lot lighter.

Former Member

Hey @Past User how are you doing?

Coping with toxic friends can be incredibly tough. I think it depends on the kind of relationship you have but for me I have created distance between myself and toxic friends until they’re not really in my life anymore. It depends if you want to fight for the friendship / to help them see the mistakes they are making or not. For me, I prefer a peaceful life and to back away quietly but it’s personal preference!!

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kaii

Hey @Past User, I'm really sorry to hear that you've been dealing with toxic friends. It can be so difficult to remove yourself from them. Like @Lucy307 said, it honestly depends on the type of relationship that you have with them and what you want out of it. I personally distanced myself away from my toxic friends, as they weren't the type to listen to me, and I didn't want to be ignored anymore.

Like @RenP said, being honest with them and telling them about your boundaries could help as it could potentially spark some change from them. Though it depends on whether you think they're capable of change.

I hear that you've tried distancing yourself from them and that it didn't go well. If you're comfortable with this, would you like to tell us about what happened?

I really hope everything gets better for you

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Former Member

Hi @Past User

So sorry to hear you are going through this, i would imagine you are in a difficult situation. I have seen that @RenP , @Lucy307 and @kaii have given you some great advice about being open and honest about how you feel, setting boundaries, and distancing yourself.

You talked about getting out of a toxic friendship before and it ending badly, would you feel comfortable talking about this some more? Such as the circumstances surrounding the relationship breakout and how it ended. Additionally, did you learn anything about navigating friendships, or learn anything about yourself and how it may help with your current circumstances?

Always here if you want to talk about it some more! ❤️

kaii

Hey @Past User, I'm really sorry to hear that it ended badly when you got out of a toxic friendship. If you're comfortable, I'd just like to ask, in what way did it end badly? For example, did you feel terrible after ending it? Or did something else happen which concerned your toxic friends?

We're here for you

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AislingDM

That sounds so deeply upsetting and extremely unfair for you @Past User , when someone is in pain they can lash out, but this does not make it right, and it especially is not okay for them to always direct their pain and anger outwards towards you. You are not a human punching bag for them to hit!

Equally, i know that it can be so painful for a friendship to end, even one that is toxic, because we lose all of the enjoyable parts of their love and happiness too. I know that most friendships have some good and some bad, but coming to the realisation that you are getting hurt more often than feeling happy does usually mean the friendship has to end if the person cannot change their ways.

I think it is brave of you to have been able to block their number, because that is a really big step towards looking after yourself and your own emotions

I know talking to people directly is not always easy and distancing yourself might not always be effective in keeping a person at arm's length. Given this, I thought I'd suggest the idea of more subtle attempts to get the person to change. This may sound silly, but sometimes when I do not feel able to straight up tell someone they are upsetting me, I might send them a Tiktok or a tweet or anything on social media about the behaviour that they are doing that hurts me. For example, I might search up a video about setting boundaries (preferably one that is not too serious) and send it like 'this is so interesting, i hadn't thought about things this way before' (even though you definitely have).

Sending a message like this can be a bit more disarming for people, so they are less likely to feel attacked and maybe they can begin to do some deep thinking without feeling like you are judging them. I am not suggesting this approach because you do not deserve to be open and straight up about your frustration and pain, I only offer it in case it feels easier for you as a first step to save the friendship if you want that

I hope things can become easier for you and thank you for talking to us about this pain on here, you really are awesome xxx

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kaii

Heya @Past User, I'd just like to check on how you've been doing recently?

Thank you for telling us about what happened, it wasn't easy to do at all. What you've experienced was incredibly upsetting - I hope that you've given yourself some time to process and recover from this, but if not, please do.

Adding on to @AislingDM's advice, since you mentioned that you don't have tiktok, perhaps YouTube could be used alternatively as a subtle attempt for the person to change? I'm also happy that you've gained some clarity about whether your friendship was worth saving - of course we can't ignore the fact that it ended with a lot of pain (and it's perfectly valid for you to still feel upset about this, as there have been some happy times as well), but in the long term, I'm sure that your wellbeing will improve since you won't be surround yourself with people who damage your mental health.

I hope you've been doing okay

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AislingDM

Ah, that makes total sense @Past User ! Couldn't agree more with what has been said about using other apps for subtle changes in the future with other relationships that you would like to keep

It sounds like things are still very overwhelming and painful for you, like they are getting harder to cope with, rather than becoming easier for you I know that must be so frustrating and anxiety-inducing, because you are just wondering when you are going to catch a break. You deserve to find some peace and joy away from this all, without feeling like you're being disoriented by such a difficult and complex situation.

I'd be grateful to hear more about what is making things worse at the minute? xx