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I’ve decided to come back ❤️
Former Member
Keep being you<3Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
Hi I know I haven’t been on here for a while so how are you all?
I’ve been okay still problems tho so I thought I’d come back on her to talk about the problem. So as some of you know I’ve still had strong feelings for my ex from ages ago we do still talk and all that now. The one reason I want to stop doing is having a go at him and just have nice healthy conversations. We did get back together in the middle of this year but I broke up with him because I felt like he wasn’t comfortable but I regret it. I really do still just want him back again but he said not while I’m back in collage maybe after I’m not saying yes.
The breakups have really affected me with him he says I miss the old you the one who understands me and doesn’t complain and have a go at me. I just try to get him back but it doesn’t work. But he said this. I would like you to stop doing this complaining, moaning at me, just finding problems to have a go at me for etc. Don’t say I’m not because you are you just might not see it but id like you to stop. Remember a while back I said can you stop and just tell me what’s wrong so we can work it out instead of you just slating me every time it’s not nice and is actually kinda affecting me but I dont notice. Next time you do this I will stop talking to you I’m not saying this to be mean I’m saying this so you’ll hopefully understand that this isn’t the right way to deal with things. And yeah I know I do stuff that you seem to be wrong but how am I suppose to know if you don’t tell me what it is yk
And for calling you I genuinely forgot and I’m so sorry I normally don’t forget stuff like that so idk how it happened.
So I’m trying g my hardest not to have a go 😞
I’ve been okay still problems tho so I thought I’d come back on her to talk about the problem. So as some of you know I’ve still had strong feelings for my ex from ages ago we do still talk and all that now. The one reason I want to stop doing is having a go at him and just have nice healthy conversations. We did get back together in the middle of this year but I broke up with him because I felt like he wasn’t comfortable but I regret it. I really do still just want him back again but he said not while I’m back in collage maybe after I’m not saying yes.
The breakups have really affected me with him he says I miss the old you the one who understands me and doesn’t complain and have a go at me. I just try to get him back but it doesn’t work. But he said this. I would like you to stop doing this complaining, moaning at me, just finding problems to have a go at me for etc. Don’t say I’m not because you are you just might not see it but id like you to stop. Remember a while back I said can you stop and just tell me what’s wrong so we can work it out instead of you just slating me every time it’s not nice and is actually kinda affecting me but I dont notice. Next time you do this I will stop talking to you I’m not saying this to be mean I’m saying this so you’ll hopefully understand that this isn’t the right way to deal with things. And yeah I know I do stuff that you seem to be wrong but how am I suppose to know if you don’t tell me what it is yk
And for calling you I genuinely forgot and I’m so sorry I normally don’t forget stuff like that so idk how it happened.
So I’m trying g my hardest not to have a go 😞
1
Comments
This is really tough and I don't know the full situation I'm pretty new to this space. But what first comes to mind is that some people are just afraid of confrontation. But confrontation can be both positive and negative. So that being said maybe sometimes having a go at him is constructive and other times not. I would respect his wishes but remember to honor your own morals and principals. Also it seems like y'all have had several breakups. Maybe consider closing the door on this relationship. I believe in putting as much effort to making things work but it only works if the other person wants to work on it too. Hope this helped, keep us updated!!
Sounds like a really hard situation with your ex, particularly if you feel both want to have healthier conversations but don’t know how. It’s hard to break the cycle when someone has got under your skin and makes you want to argue. The best piece of advice I got for when you get into an argument with a partner / friend is to think about it as you two vs the problem, instead of you vs him. If that makes sense? It has helped me to frame when we disagree that it doesn’t mean either of us are right/wrong but just that we have different perspectives on the issue and we can work as a team to get through it.
I don’t know if that helps at all but here for you and let us know how you are getting on
- Lucy
In terms of the breakups, I think what you're saying makes total sense, going back and forth between a relationship can be deeply confusing and can certainly lead to frustration. Sometimes that is going to come out in complaining and anger towards the partner.
Regardless of this, the fact that you are so determined to be more open with your emotions in conversations is a really beautiful thing. Accepting that we have not always approached arguments in the 'right' way is tough, yet here you are immediately ready to work on yourself and your communication!
For me, when i become really upset, angry or dispondent (basically any negative emotion), it can be reallty hard to see anything else (like that saying 'seeing red'). So, i have taken to taking some space away to decipher each emotion, and try to get past the angry exterior. Often I even use a pen and paper to do it, which can feel silly in the midst of an argument, but in the long-term it helps me to understand myself better, and arguments go a lot more smoothly.
Huge hugs from me