Struggling to socialise

Amy22

Why couldn't I be normal, I am struggling to socialise today in college. I will be honest I did get anxious and one of my friends knew, they were very supportive. But idk I find it hard talking to people. How do I get better at talking and not actually being a socially awkward sad person that I am. I'm too serious for everyone sometimes. I wish I wasn't who I am. Why do I exist to be honest?. I've always been terrible at conversation. I have been a bit stressed about college work at the moment. Maybe that's why I broke down today in college. God fml tbh

Maisy

Hey there,

It sounds frustrating to find socialising difficult and anxiety producing. It's good to know that one of your friends knew that you were anxious and were supportive. That's likely an important part in overcoming anxiety- having supportive people around you.

You might be reassured to know that many people struggle with talking to others. Some people might be socially anxious, have low self-esteem or might be neurodivergent (autistic or ADHD). Sometimes even really outgoing, confident people might actually feel anxious too when talking to others.

If you feel you might be socially anxious or have low self-esteem then you might want to try seeking professional support such as counselling (you can see your doctor or ask to see your college's counsellor). A counsellor might be able to help you reframe anxious thoughts e.g. if you are worried about people judging you a counsellor might say that most people are busy in their thoughts and might even be worried about being judged themselves. They might also be able to help expose you to your anxieties in a safe way, for example, by gently suggesting that your goal is to say 'hi' to someone every day.

If you feel you might be neurodivergent, you might want to talk to your doctor or your college's counsellor as they will be able to refer you for an assessment. Neurodivergent people can learn to improve their social skills e.g. taking part in small talk, but many find it easier to talk to those who share their interests and are understanding/supportive. Being around understanding people can also be good for us because we can learn not to be so harsh on ourselves (since you were wondering why you can't be normal and wishing you weren't who you are). Sometimes, it's not just improving our social skills or learning techniques to lessen our anxiety that helps us to be more social but actually being around people who 'get us' which in turn might actually make us feel more comfortable socially.

Hope this helps a bit and that the stress of college work eases a bit for you!

Amy22

Thank you so much for the advice @Maisy I find it helpful. I will mention that I am neurodivergent and have been since I was 6. I think I've always been awkward in terms of talking to people. I think I got a meeting with my 1 to 1 learning coach, and I might explain about it to them. Idk I find it hard to fit in with others. I have also been feeling a bit run down too. I think it's cuz of burnout which I get a lot of the time. I tend to feel drained sometimes. But thank you so much I find it really really helpful

Laura_tigger82

It sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment @Amy22, especially with feeling awkward talking to people, struggling to fit in and feeling a bit run down and drained too.

You mentioned having a meeting with your 1-to-1 learning coach soon. How do you feel about the idea of explaining it to them at the moment?

Similarly, you have mentioned experiencing burnout a lot of the time. Is there anything, in particular, that might help this to feel more manageable for you at the moment?

We are all here for you if you want to talk to us more about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing. Please feel free to keep us in the loop

fiona333

Hi @Amy22

Thank you for reaching me out, it’s not always easy! I see that @Maisy and @Laura_tigger82 have already given some great advice.

Some general tips that I’m sure you are aware of when trying manage your anxieties but just a quick reminder;

• Shift your focus
Some people find relaxation, mindfulness or breathing exercises helpful. They reduce tension and focus our awareness on the present moment.
https://www.cntw.nhs.uk/resource-library/relaxation-techniques/

•Try self-help CBT techniques
can help you deal with worries, anxiety and unhelpful thoughts, work through problems in new ways and build resilience.
https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/

•Understand your anxiety
Try keeping a diary of what you are doing and how you feel at different times to help identify what's affecting you and what you need to take action on.

•Look at the bigger picture
If we feel anxious about a situation, we might get stuck on the details and stop seeing things rationally. Thinking about your problem or situation from someone else's view can make it easier to come up with a plan. What advice would you give to a friend or family member?

I wish you all the best Amy, let us know how things go, and please don’t be afraid to reach out again, we are always here for you. 😊

Amy22

Thank you so much @fiona333 and @Laura_tigger82 I have started feeling a bit better now. I made sure that I am taking more breaks and not doing too much. I think I've just been catastrophising really, which is what I tend to do a lot. I'm feeling okay about my 1 to 1 meeting, but I don't tend to go to my 1 to 1 a lot, so I might need a way of explaining it to them. But I tend to find that when I speak to people, I feel like there's a barrier stopping me from doing so.

teddy_the_ted

I've been at college for just over a month now and haven't made any friends. I have generalised anxiety disorder and suspected autism so I already have to try harder than most to fit in, but it just feels like everyone's found someone and I don't have anyone and I don't like spending all my free time alone. I feel too awkward to start conversations with people and am an introvert as a result of my issues, and I just feel like there's no one there for me.

Amy22

Hi @teddy_the_ted I totally get and understand your situation as I feel like I have been in that situation so many times. I understand it can be hard socialising with others, what I tend to do is try to say hi to someone now and then. Sometimes talking about a hobby or finding something similar with someone can be a starter for a conversation. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to pm me anytime .

fiona333

@teddy_the_ted it can be so difficult, and I’m sorry to hear you are going through this, it must be so isolating and frustrating.

You have tried so hard and put so much effort in, and feel as you are getting nothing in return. It can be so demotivating and disheartening, but please don’t let that stop you trying and from being yourself. I’m sure there are many in similar situation as you, you just have yet to find them 😊

Do you know if your college has any club / societies or extra curriculars you may be interested in joining? It’s a great way to meet like minded people, start conversations, or try something new. Your college may also have a friend or buddy scheme, if you would be interested in something like that.

I wish you the best, please keep us updated ❤️