Toxic family

abbey17

they make me want to crawl into a little hole and never come out.

I’m leaving for uni later this month, they have to take me. If I could go another way, I would.
They don’t care what I want or think, they just do whatever they want and I just have to go along with it. It’s always been that way, even now as an adult. I have to get away from them, but don’t know how. Im technically dependent on them, and I f-ing hate it. I have always felt they have control and power of me, they still do. I don’t know what to do.

RenP

Hey @abbey17

Thank you for sharing.

As someone that also has a toxic family on my dad's side, I get you. Fortunately, I am no longer in contact with them, but in more recent years I have adopted the mind set that family is chosen. My best friends are more family to me than his whole side of the family. I've always found the concept of family to be strange, we are born into a group of people that we are supposed to get along with purely because we have blood relation to them, but why? Who says we have to? We can choose to surround ourselves with people who we want in our space and call them family. When you say you are technically dependent on them, do you feel comfortable telling us how?

When you say they have to take you to uni, do you mean to assist you on the journey or to move with you? Maybe uni will be good for you so you can have time away from them for a little while, also to meet new people and have a focus on a new subject etc.

Do you think you could share with us in what ways they have power and control over you?

Take care

AislingDM

This sounds so frustrating and painful for you @abbey17 Having the people who are meant to make you feel loved and accepted being so controlling and invasive is just terrible. It's no wonder you're feeling so hopeless with the whole thing by now. It only shows how painful this all is that even waiting the next month out (before university) feels like a big emotional chore. I'm simply grateful that by heading to university you should hopefully gain some peace and space, even if it is only temporary and transient.

It sounds like your life and your choices are really tied up in the wishes of your family, which certainly does not sound fair, especially if you are keen on going out into the world on your own. What do you think leads your family to be a controlling force in your life? (no pressure to reply to this one if you don't feel up to it ).