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Need some help for a friend

lovemimoonlovemimoon Community Champion Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
edited September 2022 in Sex & Relationships
Trigger warnings: domestic abuse

I was wondering if there's any helplines, websites, books, etc, for male victims in abusive relationships?
I've been worried about a male friend due to the nature of the relationship he has with his partner, and recently, he confided in me about the things that's been going between them, and how this type of environment has started to impact their child. Additionally, the mom is slowly starting to direct this behaviour towards their child and I'm worried. When confronted about it, it turns into a huge argument between them the verbal & emotional abuse from the mom escalates.

It's important to include that I was previously friends with the mother, but I abruptly cut contact with her due to the increasingly toxic dynamic within our relationship coming from both sides. Another important thing to note is that their child is my godchild. I've been regularly looking out for him since he was a little baby and it's been a little difficult to see him regularly due to a lot of external factors. I'm not saying this just based on what my friend has been saying. I've witnessed this myself. It's heart-breaking to see this unfolding like this.

To summarize, I have a question for you all:
Do you know any resources for male victims who are in an abusive relationship?
Do you know any resources for children who have parent(s) with mental health illnesses?

Thank you for reading this.

Post edited by lovemimoon on


  • ilovetaylorswiftilovetaylorswift Posts: 96 Budding Regular
    Heyy I'm not an expert at all and not a mod but a helpline for men I've heard of is called CALM or https://www.thecalmzone.net/get-support.

    For children & teens there is services like childline and websites like mind, if they are able to type on computer or do phone call. Maybe you could get the child a counsellor at school, through the NHS or pay privately. They could also try to speak to GP about their mental health and their options. I don't know how old they are.

    I think there might be some charities out there too and maybe support groups. I know it's really hard to find and use these services because of all the waiting lists and stuff and that you are not his biological parent so won't have a lot of control in GP i assume. </3

    I'm not sure about who to direct you to for more serious support but obviously there is social services and police if it's really bad.

    Sorry I do not know specifically for men's abuse victims but just from googling I can find https://mensadviceline.org.uk/ and https://www.mankind.org.uk/ and again CALM. Counselling is also another good option to think about for your friend. Just making suggestions.

    Some other helplines that are more urgent are the samaritans, shout, saneline etc.

    So sorry to hear your situation <3 and sorry if you already know all this of this info.. I hope other people will have more information and advice to add to this which should hopefully help more. It's so lovely you care so much for your friend and their child. Hope you find the right help soon. Sending hugs !!
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Community Champion Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion

    Thank you so much for your response! Anything is better than nothing x

    Their child is turning going into primary school if this helps. I'm aware that mental health illnesses are a heavy topic to introduce to a child and I don't want to overwhelm him with anything inappropriate, if that makes sense. I just want to give him enough resources to help him learn to cope with what's going on and how he can understand his mom.
  • ilovetaylorswiftilovetaylorswift Posts: 96 Budding Regular
    Oh yeah I understand!! You need resources that will help him to learn about it but not overwhelm him or confuse him. <3

    There might be some children's books about mental health or some videos online for little children to help explain. It sounds really good that you want to help him!!

    I'm just a teen & youngest child in my family so I've never really thought about it before. Hopefully some other people will have more advice and better resources. Maybe making his school aware of the situation is a good idea. :3
  • jess63jess63 Posts: 269 The Mix Regular
    edited September 2022
    Hi @lovemimoon

    Echoing what @ilovetaylorswift has said, the Mens advice line has support for men in domestic abuse as well as telephone helpline (0808 8010327) and email support. There is also Refuge who support people in domestic abuse, they also have a telephone support line (0808 2000 247) and online chat.

    The best resource for children is probably childline, they have a site for under 12s as well a telephone helpline (0800 1111), online chat and email service.

    I'm hearing that you are close to the people involved. How are you feeling about this situation yourself? It sounds like a difficult situation.

    I hope this helps, keep us updated with how you're feeling. We're all here for you :)
    The steps you take don't have to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    You sound like such a kind and loving friend @lovemimoon , when a friend is in such a toxic and emotionally abusive situation, it can take real bravery to be there to support them through it <3

    On top of this, you are being forced to consider your pre-existing relationship with the mother and your godparent status to the little one. This definitely makes aiding the father all the more complex and confusing. Yet you are still here looking for any resources that might help =)

    I know you are keen for resources, which makes sense, but before that, the key piece of advice I would give, is never fail to remind your friend that what is happening is not okay. It can be quite instinctive in situations of emotional abuse for the victim to put themselves down, blame themselves and to be directly told that they are overreacting 'what's wrong with a little shouting now-and-again?' is something that is regularly said. But reminding him, that you are there are believe the full-extent of his pain is an amazing step that I know you are already taking <3

    This resource is less for your godchild and more for you and the father in supporting them through this complex and challenging situation: http://www.socialworkerstoolbox.com/category/domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse-children/

    It gives advice on how to guide a child through understanding which types of communication are not acceptable <3

    I know you've already had a few messages about support for the father, your friend. But I thought I'd add on resources like this http://www.endthefear.co.uk/mens-help/

    Usually, if you type in a specific issue you want support with, followed by your local area, local charities and organisations pop up. The above example was found by typing in 'men experiencing emotional abuse, Manchester' to google. Sometimes local resources can be more useful and accessible to people xxx

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