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Struggle with mental health and grief

Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
Hi.

I dont know how to start so im just going to jump straight in. This may be a long post.

As some if you may know i lost my stepmum this year march 28th 2022. Its been a huge struggle if im honest especially loosing my cat a month after (april 28th 2022) and my nan(my stepmums mum) on July 4th. Everyday just passes by one after another yet it still feels like yesterday that it all happened. :disappointed:

Saturday 20th of august 2022 my stepmum and my dad were going to get married. However this all came crashing down on that one day. Im gonna find it really hard on saturday and im not going to know how to feel because i had never called my stepmum my mum and i feel like i wouldve been able to on that day but now i cant. And i feel gulty that i never did. But then i also feel guilty that my dad is going to be struggling and i probably wont be one of the strong ones.

I dont know. My stepmum was amazing. She was always smiling and she was loved by many and now thats gone :disappointed: all of the days driving along in the car blaring bohemian rhapsody by queen or any other queen songs, all the cooking we would do together, the times where my dog nora would wake us two up at 2-3am in the morning needing something then us just sitting in the living room talking about anything to each other and all the heart to hearts we would have with each other. Its all gone. And not once did i say 4 words i regret i didnt. "I love you mum".

She was a mum who finally accepted me for who i was, who helped me with my past trauma, who was there for me.

But its gone. Shes gone. Why cant i accept that?

That wasnt just what i wanted to write this thread for. I wanted to just write about something i dont talk about much anymore, something that plays a big part in my life. My mental health. Where do i start?

My mental health isnt the best at the moment. But its hard. I feel like im supposed to be the strong one whos always there for people. I feel like i need to step in and help even if im not feeling up to it or feeling 100%. I feel like if i hide the pain others wont see that its actually there right?

I feel like its easier to hide the pain and hurt than explain it.

But then its hard because i dont know how i am. I feel numb and empty but its not numb or empty its painful and heavy, its defeating.

I dont know, im rambling now theres so much more i could and want to say but illkeep ot at this as i feel like im starting to burden. Im sorry and if you read this id like to thank you❤️even if i make no sense. hkmc9i7823um.jpg
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Comments

  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    Just sat here in tears haha, think its ginna be another sleepless night or ill just sleep during the day lol, i mean why not🤷‍♀️nothing better to do. Oh no tmmr is saturday :disappointed::cold_sweat::cry: 😭 :disappointed:
    🦆💜🦆💜🦆
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    Finally got to sleep just to b waken by my sister.
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  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,768 The Mix Elder
    Hi @Chloe234 I am very sorry for your loss at the moment. It must be very hard for you to take it all in at the moment. Grief and loss can be one of the hardest things anyone could ever go through. It must feel heartbreaking at times for you. I have read everything you wrote about how you are feeling at this point, and I just wanted to say that eventhough you have felt defeated by it. I wanted to say that you have come so far and you have done amazing things. When reading through your post, I noticed how close you must have been with your stepmum and she seemed like a very lovely person. I also noticed that your cat and nan also passed away soon after. This must be very upsetting for you to go through.

    I just wanted to mention that in terms of grief, it can be very hard dealing with the loss of a loved one. I can understand how hard it must be not having your stepmum around. I am also aware that tomorrow was going to be your stepmum's and dad's wedding. I can understand how hard it must be processing that the wedding would have been tomorrow. I have deep condolenses and sympathy for you. I noticed you mentioned about feeling a sense of guilt and that you have to be strong for everyone else in your family. That must be very draining at times. But you don't have to feel guilty about not being strong enough. Grief can affect us in many ways and it can be hard too when you have had a very close relationship with someone.

    Grief can have a massive toll on our mental health as it can impact how we feel everyday. It can be very hard to process and understand at times, but I just wanted to say that you don't have to feel bad about your mental health and how you have been feeling. This is because, it is a very natural thing to go through and feel. Grief is a human feeling that most people go through a lot. Losing a loved one can be the hardest thing anyone could go through in their life. It can be scary at times too.

    I don't know if this might help but I wanted to share something on grief here. I know how hard it can be losing someone you really loved and trusted. But eventhough they may seem gone or lost, they will remain forever in our hearts. I believe a person is not truly gone, but that they live on in us. I bet your stepmum is looking down on you proud and she would pleased with how far you have come. I don't think she would want you to be worrying or for you to feel guilty. I think she would want you to know that it is totally okay to feel the way you are feeling at this time.

    I can understand how draining and hard it must be having to hide or mask your emotions all the time especially from family members. I know the feeling of having to mask emotions and it can be hard and stressful. However, sometimes when we open up to others, it can be nice to have a listening ear there for you. I know it is easier said than done, but when the time comes and when you feel ready, don't be afraid of reaching out to others or even a close family member. There will always be someone there for you who will be willing to listen and support you through this time.

    I dont know if this might also be a helpful thing to do or if it might make you feel a bit better, but have you thought about making a memory box?. You could possibly fill it with photos or things that remind you of your stepmum. These memories could possibly bring back happy memories of times that you spent together.

    I am always here if you a listening ear or someone to be there for you. I am giving you a massive virtual hug and I have deep sympathy for you too. <3

    Sending a big massive virtual hug,

    Amy22 <3

    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    edited August 2022
    Thank you so so much @Amy22 ❤️ just reading all of that has made a HUGE difference for me, thankyou❤️
    🦆💜🦆💜🦆
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,768 The Mix Elder
    @Chloe234 No worries, I'm glad that it was helpful :)
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    todays the day🥺😓 feel so heartbroken knowing that today wouldve been the wedding.
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  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,768 The Mix Elder
    It must be heartbreaking for you today I'm sorry to hear that. I'm always here if you need anything <3
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    thankyou @Amy22 :heart:

    Its just hard because today i wouldve officially been able to call her my mum and it was ripped away from me :disappointed: but it wouldve been my dads special day so i feel guilty for being so selfish but idk :/
    🦆💜🦆💜🦆
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,768 The Mix Elder
    @Chloe234 I totally understand how you must be feeling especially as today would have been a very special day for you and for your dad. I know how hard it must be for you. You don't have to feel guilty at all, as it has impacted you a lot. Im always here if you need someone <3
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    Thankyou @Amy22 ❤️
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  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    Apparently the dress i was gonna wear is too long. Ffs. First im being forced to wear it and now im being told not to. I just want ti stay home, in bed. Its not too long. Its supposed to be like it. I dont want this argh. i just want my stepmum back. I want my life to be ok.
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  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    I feel like rubbish ffs, hate this
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  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    I feel great. 🙄
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  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    Its been three days and im still struggling argh
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey @Chloe234

    Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing? Sorry to hear you are struggling. It's really positive that you are opening up and seeking support. We are all here for you :heart:

    Sending hugs :smile:
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    Hi @Stephanie if im honest im doing awfully theres so many emotions and idk its alot :disappointed: i dont think it helped that my aunt and uncle and cousin got into a crash yesterday altho none of them got hurt its rose so much emotion and idk
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  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,299 Part of The Furniture
    You have done so well sharing this with us @Chloe234. I can hear how there are so many emotions and it is a lot.

    You are really brave. It sounds tough that your aunt, uncle and cousin got into a crash. It sounds like although none of them got hurt it rose so much emotion for you.

    Would anything, in particular, make this feel more manageable for you at the moment? We are here for you if you would like to share more with us :)
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  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,768 The Mix Elder
    Hi @Chloe234 I'm sorry to hear that happened. I hope they are alright now. I can imagine how scary it might have been for you processing that on top of a lot of emotions. Sending hugs,


    Amy22 <3
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    Apoligies i never answered but idk i feel like im stuck like this forever and theres no way out
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    edited August 2022
    Hey @Chloe234

    Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing? :heart:

    When we are struggling it can sometimes feel like things wont get better, but things can get better it sometimes just takes time. It's so positive that you are reaching out for support on here, and we care about you.

    There isn't a time frame on grief and everyone is different. :heart:

    Sending hugs
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    Hi @Stephanie honestly awfully :/ its one thing after another and it making me struggle alot, im also starting to get back to school stress as well as im back in just over a week and im starting my first year of gcse, idk theres just alot going on
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @Chloe234 I’m so sorry to read you are in so much pain. I wanted to just echo what’s already been said, that we are all here for you and care about you, and send love 💜💜

    As well as share this quote which has been a comfort to me through grief -
    utsbdh163enz.jpeg

    Take good care x
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    Thankyou @Lucy307 :)
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 46 Boards Initiate
    @Chloe234 I have read all the posts and wanted to check in, there is so much going on for you right now. It is so brave to share all these emotions and I wanted to say again we are all here for you. I have one question. Is there something you do that helps you when you are feeling low?
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    Thankyou @Charlotte47, not really if im honest, i kida just have to sit with ut cuz everything just wont work
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  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Checking in here after the other post.

    Losing those closest to you is awful beyond words. It sounds like you and your step mum were very close, I can hear it in the way you talk about what you miss. You've been through so much in such a short space of time. More grief than an adult should have in their lifetime. Despite it all, your thoughts seem to be that you have to be strong for others. For your dad. That's a quality of a truly good person and I think both he and your step mum would be proud of you for it. But you're only human, it's okay for you to be upset, to be numb and to need support of your own. You deserve it.

    When it comes to losing people, I don't have all the answers, I wish I did. I actually don't know if there is a definitive answer. But the main thing I've learned is that sharing the burden with somebody else lessens it for both. It's natural to think that trying to talk to someone about your grief is going to dredge up that pain for them aswell. But in reality it's always comforting to have someone that feels and understands what you're going through. Do you talk to your dad at all about your step mum? I think it might help you both.
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,506 Community Veteran
    edited September 18
    Thankyou @Past User i dont no bc i wanna let him move on if he wants to or how he wants to and i dont wanna be the one maling him worse w my feelings
    Post edited by TheMix on
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