Struggling with Originality

Amy22

This probably sounds stupid and it is stupid. Why am I worrying about this thing in my head 24/7. I struggle with originality all the time. None of my ideas feel original enough or anything I do at all. Im struggling with my identity too at the moment as I keep questioning every single thing I do. My worries are more creative based I think to be honest. I feel like I have to be original 24/7 and its been stressing me out a lot lately. why coulden't I just be a normal human being who doesn't have to worry about anything all the time. Plus i've been worried about results too as I want to do well for my future so that I can have a nice job and a stable income. I worry too much about the past and the future. I worry about my mistakes and the times that I have messed up. I'm done with it all. I'm done feeling this way. idk whats wrong with me?. all i know is that im broken and i need to be fixed.

sinead276

Hi @Amy22 , first of all, you don’t sound stupid at all. It’s more common than we think to have worries about the future. I used to worry about it all the time especially in terms of careers and stuff as I didn’t know what I wanted to do (and to be honest I’m still not 100% sure what my career path will be and it’s okay).

I also completely resonate with the originality thing. There are times when I feel almost like I’m not carving out my path, and this may be due to having similar life goals to other people. But although it is easier said than done, the best thing to do is just be yourself, whatever that looks like to you.

I’m sure you’ll have done okay in your results/exams, and even if it isn’t exactly what you wanted to get, there are many ways to overcome such outcomes and get ourselves back on the path we want. Mistakes happen in life, we all make them all the time, but remember that they help us to learn and grow as people.

Whilst I may not be able to give specific advice on how to overcome such thoughts, I just wanted to say that you’re definitely not alone in these thoughts and you are certainly not broken. Things just take time and life will find its way of figuring itself out.


Sending hugs and wishing that you do well with your results
Sinead

Amy22

Thank you so much @sinead276

AislingDM

truly @Amy22 , I often feel this same way. I think often in life we struggle to feel like we are being 'different' and 'creative' enough. In some ways it can be positive because it motivates us to take up a new hobby or something, but there is nothing more frustrating than these anxieties effectively getting in the way of any sense of creative satisfaction, right? Plus this overwhelming feeling is only worsened by a lot of outlets of creativity being about more than just fun, it can be about money, or how others perceive us, which can make the idea of picking up a pencil to try drawing seem all the more draining.

I reckon what you're saying is extremely understandable, and wanting to find a surge of originality is a beautiful thing, I'd love for you to be able to feel that kind of pride in yourself

One thing I wanted to say is that annoying thing that people always say, but most ideas are actually not 100% original. A lot of fantastic things that we are so grateful for today did not come to fruition by one person's hands alone, but many people, teams of people and half the time an idea only becomes great because someone else comes and adds their own idea into the mix.

Aside from that pep-talk vibe from me above, I am wondering about what your passions are? (they don't have to be creative or even something others would necessarily deem a passion) I ask because sometimes this is the easier place to start with developing our sense of individuality. The more familiar you are with a subject/idea the more likely you are to have the base knowledge to come up with something cool and new.

Like I do Psychology, I don't have to come up with the next
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_prison_experiment to be a good psychologist. It could start with something a lot more simple like I am interested in mental health as a broad area, then I ask myself what parts of that area is especially important to me ... and then I keep going along in this direction till I find something significant to me. I know that probably sounds a lot more simple written out than it actually is but I hope it might help!

Lastly, I wanted to ask what makes the idea of being original important to you? (no pressure on answering this, and no judgement at all, I'd just like to help in any way that I can).

Amy22

Hi @AislingDM thank you so much, this is really helpful. I honestly don't know why I worry about originality most of the time, as really everything has been done before. Its a feeling I have always tried to brush under the carpet but its always seems to come back whenever I try doing something new. I guess its like self-doubt in a way though im honestly not to sure how best to describe it really. I think the reason why I find originality important to me is because, I'm worried that someone out there might think im a fake or a fraud tbh, and that I am going to lose everyone around me. I think one of my passions is helping others and making they are okay. Im also a very creative person in general, and I really like doing creative activities like crochet, knitting and writing. I will be honest I'm a bit of a perfectionist at times when I do an activity and I end up giving up halfway through with some things. Thank you though for helping me

AislingDM

I definitely get what you mean @Amy22 , I think in this world we are quite pushed to idolise people who have been innovative (like Steve Jobs or something) but really none of these people came up with their ideas solely independently, and even if their idea was original, thousands helped bring it into fruition. I reckon it's so easy to beat ourselves up emotionally over originality, that sometimes we cannot even see the beauty of smaller original ideas

Those feelings your describing sound so similar to "imposter syndrome" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome , not saying this is necessarily exactly how your emotions are working at the minute, but it can be helpful to better understand why they might be manifesting in this way. Especially because a sense of self-doubt can feel truly world-ending

I love that you enjoy making others feel warm, loved and supported, because we always need more people doing this. I also firmly believe that each person brings something different to supporting others, even if we're doing a roughly similar job, there could be a few words you say that really stand out to another person and they carry it with them always

In terms of your awesome creative talents, I think this can be one of the hardest areas to feel confident and self-assured, because there can be less of a "final/definitive" end goal, like if you were writing a science research paper or something? Of course that's great because it means you can explore more things, but it definitely leaves more room for uncertainty and frustration.

Regardless, you certainly seem wonderful and committed to me and I know that does little to actually help you to feel better inside, but at least it means from the outside you "come across" well, so maybe that can alleviate some of the fears that others perceive you as a fraud?

Amy22

Thank you so much @AislingDM this is really helpful. I always tried to brush those feelings off really sometimes. But I will be honest the real reason why I always feel unoriginal is because I used to copy drawings in order to learn how to be better at art. I felt like a machine doing it to be honest and I made mistakes eventhough those around me said that everything was okay. I also had help from one of my parents when I was doing a maths paper and I watched a video on it to do the paper. I told my tutor about it and they forgave me and told me not to worry. I think this is why I view myself as a fraud because I made mistakes that I know ill probably won't forgive myself for. I find it hard talking about it sonetimes, I'm not proud of myself sometimes.

Amy22

I guess the feeling of guilt and anger in myself is why earlier on in the year I went back to double check that I referenced drawings copied to learn and I would reference them, to the point where it got unhealthy. I eventually stopped afterwards but I started taking meds which help now with my feelings. I guess it was a coping mechanism when my dad was seriously ill in hospital. He is home now and safe, but I still have that guilt in me now. Its not as bad as it was but I still have my days.

ilovetaylorswift

I'd like to say @Amy22 , some advice you've given me since joining the site , has really helped me and made a difference in how I felt. You made me feel really supported and less alone when I was going through a difficult situation, and I've seen the positive impact you have made with others too, when I read through the threads. Even the little comments can really change someone's day and you helped me feel welcome to the mix. I also struggle with wanting to be original, like having original music taste and fashion style. (Not Taylor's music because she's very mainstream lol but I found myself getting into more alternative music and metal music because it helped me to feel more original but I realised that it's okay to like "basic" things as well as alternative. Now I enjoy both without feeling like a fraud trying to fit into one category/stereotype.) It took me a while and I still struggle but I have become more accepting of my tastes even if they conflict lol. Sorry it's not really related to your situation with creative activities but I feel the same way you do sometimes but with music or clothing style. I think it's good to find a balance. You are not alone in how you feel, I follow many minecraft or animal crossing tutorials and sometimes it makes me wish I could build cool stuff from my imagination and then it stops me from enjoying the game. Anyways sorry for ranting but you are definitely not alone in this feeling. Sending many hugs 💗 <3333

Amy22

Thank you @ilovetaylorswift

Amy22

I get you @ilovetaylorswift on tutorials and stuff. I tend to do the same but I often compare myself to others and it kinda stops me from what I want to do. I'm glad I was able to help you a lot though

Stephanie

Hey @Amy22

How are you doing? We are here for you

Amy22

Hi @Stephanie sorry for the late response I have been feeling a little bit better today.

AislingDM

I'm definitely right there with you @Amy22 , when we see others producing such fine work, it's only reasonable to want to copy it and try our hand at making something that cool. Plus, they say that a lot of famous artists and creative people begin by imitating others. I mean, it's not like Beyoncé woke up one day at age 5 having written Halo, she would have sung others' songs until she came up with her own. And these things definitely take time to develop and grow, which is why we see artists' styles evolve so much over the course of their career.

In terms of the maths paper, I think you should try to cut yourself some slack if you can, I know this is a lot easier said that done, especially when you're feeling imposter-syndrome emotions, but lots of people gain help from external means now, especially as exams getting increasingly difficult. I know people whose parents read their dissertations for university, or who supported them with their English GCSE coursework. Of course this can feel tough when we think of the kids who do not have these support systems in place, but then we should try to help them in any way we can, rather than focusing on feeling guilty, I reckon?

Equally, as I say that, guilt can be one of the most powerful emotions, like it's so hard to let go of, right? Being able to distance ourselves from the things we have done that we perceive to be wrong is actually a real task in and of itself, so it's no wonder you're left feeling pretty exhausted with the whole thing

The fact that you are so deeply self-aware and insightful really is fantastic, and I am beyond grateful that you choose to share these thoughts with us

Amy22

Thank you so much @AislingDM I have been feeling much better about things more and I feel less guilty than I thought I should be. Thank you for your kind words