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Morning after pill regrets

One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million NoobPosts: 586 Incredible Poster

Warning some details maybe a little too much information but I feel they could be important



Ok so I had my first sexual experience with my love interest. I didn’t communicate with him properly and he thought I was being sarcastic when I said no to being on birth control. This is because when talking about it (via text) He asked about birth control and I answered “Noooo why would I be 😂.” And he took it as sarcasm and replied back “well how would I know.” So with this in mind I thought he knew and he thought I was joking.

So we got caught up and I thought he was going to pull out but he didn’t… yes I’m aware it’s not the best way to protect myself but we were in the moment and I didn’t think.

So when I realised I was like “omg” and thats when we both realised that we had miss understood each other. So obviously we chatted and agreed I would get the morning after pill but I felt unsure about it although I didn’t say anything… as I respected he didn’t currently want more children (he already has some)
So I waited a couple of days and decided to go for it although I knew that I had already ovulated at this point so there is the chance it won’t work..

But just after taking it I kind of felt guilty and wished I left it to mother nature to decide.. it’s obviously too late now. I try to think of the pros and cons and why.

Cons
I have said that right now wouldn’t be appropriate as I couldn’t fully provide for the child and give them the best I can.

He has a right to his opinion and my opinion should and isn’t more valid than his. We both equally have a right to say

I was not planning on having a baby


Pros
My biggest fear has always been leaving it too late to have babies. Although I’m still young I know having a baby isn’t easy (it can take time.)

I think id be a good mum and there is support out there to help me look after the baby if needed

It would give me the nudge to be more independent and start my own family

I sort of hope I’ve left it too late but at the same time would me having a baby be appropriate.
fiona333

Comments

  • fiona333fiona333 Posts: 52 Boards Initiate
    hello, firstly thank you for sharing, I think it’s so courageous and I can’t imagine how difficult this has all been. I think many people going through this but don’t often talk about it due to the possible conflict nature you also seem to share.

    Regret can be a confusing emotion—especially when we you feel so conflicted. Personally, I’ve noticed the decisions I’ve regretted most were often made when under pressure or when I felt that my choice was time-sensitive. When facing stress, the body often surges with adrenaline and enters into fight or flight mode, making it hard to think clearly and make decisions based on critical thinking, instead of fear-based emotion alone. This is especially true for the for the morning after pill, which can only be taken within a short window of time.

    When facing regret following a decision, it’s important to recognise its role in your life moving forward. Regret seems to go one of two ways—it can act as a tool to positively shape future decisions or it can create shame, guilt, and self-anger. Whatever situation you find yourself in, it’s important to remember to take a deep breath and know that your decisions do not determine your self-worth. Each day we are offered new opportunities to make choices, write our own stories, and decide who we want to be.

    Here are some peoples’ stories of taking the morning after pill, and many of them working through the same emotions and thoughts are you
    https://www.ellaone.co.uk/magazine/my-morning-after-stories/

    We are always here to here for you ❤️
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Noob Posts: 586 Incredible Poster
    fiona333 wrote: »
    Personally, I’ve noticed the decisions I’ve regretted most were often made when under pressure or when I felt that my choice was time-sensitive.

    Thank you so much and you definitely put the words exactly as I was feeling the pressure as I knew I wouldn’t have the time after that particular day as I was going on a trip and then I’d be at work and ovulation was close. I guess the main thing going through my head was “I reassured him I’d go get the pill.” And that mixed with the time limit etc meant I felt like I didn’t really have another choice.

    The lady I saw was really nice and asked before I took the pill “are you ok to go ahead.” part of me wanted to say no but the pressure of time was over riding the want to say “you know, I’m not so sure.”

    When I spoke to a friend she said “why would you feel guilty conception hadn’t even began then so nothing was taken away like it would in an abortion. But that’s where she’s wrong well sort of because it stopped the chance of a baby being possible. I know there is always a chance conception wouldn’t have happen but there was a chance and now I won’t know if I would have or not and thank you for that link I’ll check it out ❤️

  • Mel_Mel_ Posts: 288 The Mix Regular
    i kinda understand what you are saying honestly,

    I took the morning after pill about a year ago for a very new relationship and also kinda regretted it, however, I did look back and in the long term it was probably for the best as I wouldn't of been able to provide for the baby. However, I do think now if I was to get pregnant id keep it tbh going it alone or not
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 985 Part of The Mix Family
    Couldn't have said it better than @fiona333 myself. I can't even begin to imagine how confusing this entire experience has been for you @One-in-a-million , like not only is this really difficult to process because you have such mixed feelings about having taken the pill/the possibility of becoming pregnant, but also the fact that the sexual experience sounds like it was enjoyable and free from stress until the end. When something happy ends like that it can leave us feeling pretty distressed and uncertain as to how to feel about everything and the person themselves. :(

    I think this feeling is only worsened when the people around us don't 100% understand our perspective on events. You feeling regret and confusion about having taken the pill is not wrong, and you are well within your rights for it to not sit right with you. I think it's extremely insightful of you to use this pros and cons methods of sorting out your emotions a bit, because it reinforces that feeling both happy and sad about your choice is not wrong. Plus, as you've already said, working out how much the choice was actually yours is tough when you know that your partner did not want to have another baby.

    It seems like not only do you feel uncomfortable and how confusing the emotional process of this was, but also you have been left contemplating what having children would be like a bit more than before? Sometimes we don't realise how significant a decision is to us until it is already made. Given this, I was wondering if you wanted to talk a bit more about the pros of having a baby, sometimes being able to think about the positives is important to being able to accept the decision that has been made and might allow you some peace of mind from it all? <3

    Either way, you've done amazingly to do this all, and having to process each of these emotions is a burden for anyone to do largely alone, so thank you for telling us on here. You really are awesome xxxx
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  • MaisyMaisy The Mix convert CymruModerator Posts: 410 Listening Ear
    edited August 18
    This sounds like a stressful situation for you.

    As said above, regret can help us to figure out what we can do or change in the present and future to prevent further regret. I'm wondering if there are other things you can learn from this experience? For example, you might be able to prevent future miscommunication (not just about birth control) by stating things clearly and checking that the other person understands and doesn't think you are being sarcastic. Equally, even though you were caught up in the moment, and you thought he would pull out, maybe talking more about contraception before getting caught up might help? For example, asking about pulling out, using a condom or other forms of birth control.

    The morning after pill does work best the sooner you take it and may be slightly less effective the more time you wait. Equally, the morning after pill works by preventing ovulation and you believe you may have already ovulated, so there's no guarantee that the morning pill will have worked. I understand that you felt guilty and wished you left it for mother nature to decide. The regret and guilt you feel, suggests that you would one day want to have children of your own.

    I really like the idea of doing a pros and cons list! As you realise, having a baby is a big commitment and ideally it is best to think about what support you have in place before having a baby. This may not be for a while, depending on your circumstances, but rest assured that you haven't left it too late- many women can have babies up to and even slightly after the age of 35!

    It must've been very difficult for you, realising that you would like a baby some day, but also feeling the pressure of time to take the morning after pill. It's difficult thinking about what might've happened if you hadn't taken the morning after pill, but it can help to remember your pros and cons list. It can also help to think about the future too- you want a baby, but perhaps now isn't a good time, so perhaps consider getting on birth control, while working towards a future where you will be able to provide everything that a baby needs.

    All the best!



    Post edited by Maisy on
    I'm a community moderator. I represent The Mix on the discussion boards and I'm here to help guide discussions, make sure everything is within guidelines, and take care of the housekeeping. I can't send or receive private messages, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with any questions or concerns and the team will get back to you.

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