i were thinking

ellie2000

TW: Mention of abuse

y havent someone killed me yet.
would a facebook confession b enough 4 an s.assault b enough.
I h8 feeling like this, its not fun
i used to mention abuse in the first convo wen i used to tlk to ppl, it steered most of them away
at least i kaput a bee by throwing my plushy at it hahahaha
y does getting funding 4 accommodation take ages, is there a quicker way? rather than let the adults do it

AislingDM

That must be so heart breaking and isolating for you @ellie2000 feeling like the moment you bring up your experiences of abuse people are turned away is awful, and extremely undeserved. Being brave enough to talk about this trauma so quickly is already deeply impressive and to have people leave you feeling strange for doing so is very wrong.

I'm wondering what sort of reaction would be best when you talk to people about abuse?

https://www.verywellmind.com/should-i-tell-people-i-was-sexually-assaulted-4802699

This article also has some good advice about how to talk to people about abuse and trauma, I hope it can be of some use.

Just mentioning that I also edited your post to add a trigger warning, only because the post begins with an intense question, so I just wanted members to be prepared for that. xxx

ellie2000

i thought if i told ppl on first meeting wen they ask a triggering question, i would get more support. i tell the truth bout how i feeling to ppl. why does tht scare them?

AislingDM

Yes that makes total sense @ellie2000 , wanting to be truthful and honest about the awful things you've experienced is completely understandable. And the idea of having to adapt our experiences around how others will receive them is pretty frustrating!

Wanting to be honest is always very impressive, especially when it's in an effort to gain better support from those around us. Despite that, some people can push away from hearing traumatic stories, whether they are close with the person or not. I suppose a lot of the time this shows the empathy people can feel with your situation, however I know that does little when it leads to you feeling undersupported. Perhaps there is a way to be able to fully express yourself honestly, whilst also 'putting people as at ease' as possible to encourage better responses (not that you should be responsible for this).

Can I ask, how do you usually tell others about what has happened to you, and how do they respond?

Big hugs xx

ellie2000

i mite tlk on the first contact n they move away

ellie2000

ppl walk away, the 1's who i first speak negative to, is it bc they dont no how to handle it?

AislingDM

That's a really insightful point @ellie2000 , and I think you might be on to something there, many people struggle immensely to offer support and empathy to a person who has suffered something so traumatic. And often, it's not because they are 'bad/uncaring', it's because they are so fearful of saying the wrong thing.

For this reason, people who are grieving or recovering from a trauma can be left all the more isolated, because friends/family can opt to avoid the person rather than risking saying something slightly wrong. Regardless of why people may do this, I know this does little for you as a person who actually needs your loved ones' support throughout recovery.

Perhaps, if you feel up to it, you could try to subtly encourage the people around you by increasing their awareness of how survivors of sexual assault may prefer to be supported, like in this article:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/27/smarter-living/sexual-abuse-assault-support-mental-health.html

Just a thought, absolutely no pressure on this