Crush and Relationships

Former Member

Hey Guys, I'm currently struggling a bit and was wanting to get some other peoples opinions. Basically, I am currently 16 M, i went on a swim teacher training course 2 weeks ago and while on it (it was 2 weeks long) i got to know this girl called Sophie, I really like her; she so funny, a really nice person and fit. One thing is she is 19 almost 20 and at uni, I got her number and we are going to meetup in a week, i really really like her, shes different from the other girls i've dated and she genuinely looks my age too. Is it wrong for me to like her? I know i dont stand a chance probs just cause of the age gap but i cant get over her, this is genuinely the biggest crush ive had... any help? should i test the water and try go for it?

Then there's a separate issue, my bestfried (who is my age) Charlotte just told me she has a crush on me but i dont like her in that way and she only just broke up with her girlfriend (she's bi) like 2 weeks ago and it turns out it was because of me. I've only just joined this friend group and i really like hanging out with them all, i just dont know how to tell her i dont like her without it being aqkward and without anyone else finding out cause they all now know she has a crush and are prying at her to tell them who it is.

Any help on these 2 things pls?

Charlie

Ed_

Hey Charlie, welcome to the boards I'm sure you will find lots of really supportive people here who can give you some of their thoughts/views on your situation.

With Sophie, first thing to say is that there is nothing wrong with having feelings for someone older than you. There can sometimes be an imbalance of experience or power with big age gaps which is something to be mindful of as this can change what people have expectations for from a relationship which can put the younger person in a place where they feel like they have to go beyond what they feel ready or comfortable for. That all said, that generally tends to be the case with larger age gaps than what you have said, it may be worth taking a look at this article that explores age gaps in more depth. Ultimately, the only way that you will know whether you stand a chance or not is to tell her about how you feel and see what she says. There are a couple of questions though that may be helpful to reflect on before you decide whether to say anything or not. Firstly, how would you feel if she says that she doesn't feel the same way? Do you have any coping mechanisms that may help you deal with a rejection? Secondly, if she were to say yes, how would you feel if she is away at a different part of the country for uni?

When it comes to your best friend, it can feel difficult because you genuinely care for her feelings and I am assuming that you would like to maintain your friendship moving forward, so it feels like there is a lot at stake here. It can be really tough, but being open and honest with them about how you feel about them is probably the best way forward. Being clear about how you see them can help them to start the process of moving on, whilst being clear how much you value their friendship. Ultimately, with the rest of the friendship group, it is up to her if she wants to share that she has feelings for you, but you can leave that to her to choose. That way, she has the control about how she processes this whilst respecting her courage in telling you about her feelings without outing her to the rest of the group.

Do let us know what you decide to do and how things go