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Advice for my partner (warning this may be a TW

awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
edited June 2022 in Health & Wellbeing
Hey guys


So basically, my partner has been having trouble eating. I'm a little concerned cause she said she doesn't really eat a lot mainly because she said that everytime she does she feels sick I've tried to help her but I'm not sure if it's helpful or not, any advice? Cause it would really help me to help her
Post edited by Aoife on

Comments

  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    I'm very worried about her.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Inactive Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    edited May 2022
    This must be so scary for you both, you clearly care for her very much and to know that she is not able to give her body what it needs must be very frightening. Wanting to know how best to support her is awesome, and just reinforces how compassionate a person you are. The fact that you've tried to create a dialogue of communication about this is the first great sign, because you're reassuring her that she can open up to you about where these emotions and physiological feelings of sickness might be coming from @awesomeminecraft6789

    I've found that the advice from Mind has been especially useful in my personal life with friends

    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/eating-problems/for-friends-family/

    Especially the points about not pushing people beyond what they feel able to do. It must be devastating for both you and her to feel so alone in this and not know where to turn, so I thought I'd link Beat, the charity that helps to support people with eating disorders. It might be useful for you to read because it can show how there are lots of reasons why people might not eat a lot, one reason can be that they have developed an eating disorder and another could be that their is an underlying physical health problem. Either way, talking about it and getting extra support is always the best plan of action. Huge hugs and I hope things can improve from here on out <3 xxx

    https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 109 The Mix Convert
    Aisling's post has some great resources - hope things get better for her soon, you obviously really care! it must be such a hard time watching this happen to someone, i've been there, so remember to take care of yourself too! "you can't pour from an empty glass" and all that, and you've done a top job posting about it, and we're all here to support you always!
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    I'm very worried about her.
    Owl wrote: »
    Aisling's post has some great resources - hope things get better for her soon, you obviously really care! it must be such a hard time watching this happen to someone, i've been there, so remember to take care of yourself too! "you can't pour from an empty glass" and all that, and you've done a top job posting about it, and we're all here to support you always!

    thank you
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    It's Just, she says she thinks she needs to loose weight to look like a model (even though she looks like one to me ) because of body shaming she used to get so, I understand why she does it but she's also scared she's going to die because of it because eating just one meal to get by in the day isn't really helping her is it? So I just want her to be ok you guys get what I mean?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 375 Listening Ear
    im so glad ur girlfriend has you, you clearly care for her very much. the best you can really do is be supportive of your girlfriend and be there for her. its not fair that she's been body shamed, she sounds beautiful. just wondering, has she seen a doctor yet? it sounds like she's fully aware her eating habits arent good for her but it also sounds like she cant help it if she feels sick. i wish her the best, self awareness is the first step to recovery so there is lots of hope

    please look after yourself too! like owl said, "you can't pour from an empty glass"
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Hey guys, sorry for the late reply!

    Thanks for the support I'm trying to help her as best I can, it does concern me as I just want her to be healthy and well, I'm not sure if she's seen a doctor but she was talking to one of the people you guys recommended so hopefully that helps!
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Hey guys,

    She's not eaten anything today so I'm worried. She said she got in touch with beat but I'm worried.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 109 The Mix Convert
    It's totally understandable that you're worried!! It's a big step that she's got in touch with beat though, she should be really proud!! try and make sure if you can that she's still drinking, as that is really important, but go about it in a compassionate and supportive empathetic way which I'm sure you will as it's clear you care about her very much!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 109 The Mix Convert
    if you're ever not sure how you can help, maybe you could get loot at beat's stuff or get in touch with them? or even be upfront and ask your partner any ways you can help, she'll appreciate the offer and showing you care. remember through everything though to make sure to do some self-care too and make sure you're not neglecting yourself!! it's really easy while taking care of somebody else to forget to take care of yourself too
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Owl wrote: »
    if you're ever not sure how you can help, maybe you could get loot at beat's stuff or get in touch with them? or even be upfront and ask your partner any ways you can help, she'll appreciate the offer and showing you care. remember through everything though to make sure to do some self-care too and make sure you're not neglecting yourself!! it's really easy while taking care of somebody else to forget to take care of yourself too

    I dont know what to say to beat if I do. I feel like im too naggy for her, but I am just worried and concerned because she doesn't have a lot of weight, I know she seems camhs, could I get in touch with them possibly? Idk :(
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Owl wrote: »
    It's totally understandable that you're worried!! It's a big step that she's got in touch with beat though, she should be really proud!! try and make sure if you can that she's still drinking, as that is really important, but go about it in a compassionate and supportive empathetic way which I'm sure you will as it's clear you care about her very much!!

    I told her to even eat an apple as she enjoys them, but I havent heard from her so I'm a bit worried. I just want her to get the support she deserves. Sorry.
    Brandon
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 109 The Mix Convert
    edited May 2022
    https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/advice-for-life-situations-and-events/how-to-help-someone-with-eating-disorder/

    https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/tips-for-supporting-somebody-with-an-eating-disorder/

    i'm not too sure what to say, as i'm not too familiar with disordered eating, but there's some links about how you can support somebody else and i hope they can be of more help!

    i understand you feel like you're being "naggy" but we can see it's just because you care!! maybe an approach that might help, is instead of encouraging her to eat, is to just be supportive in general and also talk to her about other, normal things - she is still in there!! she's just also sharing a body with an ED at the minute

    big hugs <3 we're here for you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 109 The Mix Convert
    and big reminder to also take care of yourself, do some self-care, reach out if you need to, or have some space to breathe if you need to!
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Owl wrote: »
    https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/advice-for-life-situations-and-events/how-to-help-someone-with-eating-disorder/

    https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/tips-for-supporting-somebody-with-an-eating-disorder/

    i'm not too sure what to say, as i'm not too familiar with disordered eating, but there's some links about how you can support somebody else and i hope they can be of more help!

    i understand you feel like you're being "naggy" but we can see it's just because you care!! maybe an approach that might help, is instead of encouraging her to eat, is to just be supportive in general and also talk to her about other, normal things - she is still in there!! she's just also sharing a body with an ED at the minute

    big hugs <3 we're here for you

    I'll send her the links as it's important. Thank you. I just want to be able to be here and living and not going through life in pain as its really not nice seeing anyone suffer especially her as I love her dearly. It's making me upset seeing her like that I'm just too good at just being ok but I'm not.
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Owl wrote: »
    and big reminder to also take care of yourself, do some self-care, reach out if you need to, or have some space to breathe if you need to!

    Thank you. I don't want to talk much about her life but she's not had it nice and she hasn't been diagnosed with a eating disorder so I don't know if contacting anyone to ask if they can look at her but I don't know thank you. I'll tell her to look at beat again as she said it helped her.
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    edited May 2022
    I just want to say, thanks for the support from all of you, we appreciate it very much and If she reads this, I just want my partner to know that I really care about you, and that I really hope this support helps you because you deserve it ❤️.

    She said she hasn't eaten, so I'm a bit worried- I don't want her to die
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Update -

    She said shes feeling sick because she hasn't been eating and she said beat didn't help much any ideas for how to help her? Because I really don't want her to die because of this so have you guys got any other ways?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @awesomeminecraft6789 this sounds so tough, sending hugs to you both. Do you think she would be able to book an appointment with her GP? They will be able to help and hopefully see her in person too.
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Inactive Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Lucy307 wrote: »
    Hi @awesomeminecraft6789 this sounds so tough, sending hugs to you both. Do you think she would be able to book an appointment with her GP? They will be able to help and hopefully see her in person too.

    She has said she'll book an appointment, but I don't think it will be in person unfortunately 😕. But, she is in tremendous amount of pain physically, and she is just falling apart. No one is helping her.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Inactive Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    Apologies for not replying yet @awesomeminecraft6789 , especially given how much distress and pain this has been and continues to cause you <3

    You sound so terribly worried about her, which makes so much sense because you care so deeply for her and her wellbeing. Wanting her to know how beautiful she is is a beautiful demonstration of love, yet it feels so terrifying when it feels that she cannot hear you. I know feelings towards food and eating can be beyond complex and can be about other things as well as perceived physical appearance in her case. I know you want to avoid being naggy, which makes so much sense because it's important not to make a person feel pressured into eating food, but when you speak about her emotions about and towards food, what kinds of things does she say? Understanding where the root of her feelings towards food come from might be helpful. x

    I know that this whole situation is only made worse by feelings of isolation and abandonment by organisations who are supposed to help you both. It's clear that all you want is for her to get the help and support that she deserves, and it's truly awful that this is not being taken as seriously as it should be. I know it's been a little while since the suggestion of contacting the GP, and I am wondering if anything has come of that since?

    You honestly are such a warm and loving person, and I hope that you can support her in finding some peace of mind as you both deserve. Ultimately, she really is lucky to have you supporting her, but you shouldn't be forced to shoulder this alone and I really hope that the GP has been of some use <3 xxx
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