I Never seem to be able to do anything right...

Former Member

Hello, I am just writing this to see if anyone has encountered similar things.

So recently no matter what I do my partner seems to critique me and make me feel bad for things. For example it can be as little as me putting tomato sauce on the dinner he made and he says things such as 'You have just ruined the whole meal', or for example earlier I pulled the screw out of the oven door by accident and he says 'well done now am I supposed to get the dinner out'. I know it may seem dramatic to many people but it is incredibly draining constantly feeling like I cannot do anything right and it is really starting to get to me. To add to this, he said 'Someones stressy', and I said 'Its because I feel as if I can never do anything right' and he said 'well maybe you can't'. I know it could of been a joke but it sounded very serious and it has got to me.

Former Member

Hey @lucas1_g I’ve had to deal with something similar from a housemate the little ‘jokes’ that aren’t really jokes. I know how much it can hurt and make you feel. Do you think you could talk to your partner about how you feel and about those little jokes, it may just be that they’re not realising they’re doing it.

Former Member

Hey @lucas1_g I understand how you feel, I've experienced something similar too. Like dandelion said perhaps it would be a good idea to sit down with your partner and just have an open conversation about how his comments have been making you feel and that it's starting to get to you as he may not realise this. You also suggested that this is a recent thing, it may be a good idea to talk to your partner about how he has been feeling recently as it could also be that he is feeling stressed at the moment and may be projecting that into these comments.
We are all here for you

Former Member

Wow that certainly sounds like it would be upsetting @lucas1_g I'm glad you felt able to come and talk about all this here on the boards. While I don't have much experience with this in a romantic relationship what you're describing sounds a lot like how my mother used to act until a few years ago. Basically just focusing way too much on every little mistake and passing off hurtful comments as "jokes".

I think it's important to remember that nobody is perfect, everybody makes mistakes sometimes and there's really no point in you or anyone else catastrophising every little thing that goes wrong. In fact I'm sure your partner has messed things up from time to time and would get just as upset if you made fun of him for it. My only real advice going forward is the same sort of thing @Dandelion and @chloe224488 mentioned I also feel that open communication is an important part of any relationship. Whatever you decide to do though I hope you'll keep us updated with what's going on and how you're doing.

AislingDM

That must be so mentally-exhausting to hear on a regular basis @lucas1_g , and to hear it from anyone would be painful, let alone from the person who is meant to make you feel the most loved and appreciated in the world. It's no wonder you're left feeling drained and frustrated. We all make mistakes, especially those silly little ones that are really of no consequence, and so being 'pulled up' on them all the time, even in banter can be demoralising because it subtly makes us feel like we're not very good people, which couldn't be further from the truth. You are awesome, and deserve to hear that all the time.

I certainly agree with every piece of advice given, honesty is usually the best policy. I also thought I'd mention that we can overfocus upon negative things rather than celebrating little victories, so if you're not feeling wholly confident about broaching this topic out of nowhere, you could instead try to model the behaviour you'd like your partner to show towards you. For example, if he mentions that he's just finished a book, you could say 'that's really cool, that must feel pretty rewarding, what was your favourite part?'. Doing this can subtly get him to re-examine his own behaviour and try to encourage more focus on positive things and less on unimportant negative ones. Just an idea, hope you can gain some help from all the advice, huge hugs xxx

Former Member

Thank you all for your kind responses. It is much appreciated